Dance with the devil

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-12-13T13:09:43+00:00

Your top priority needs to be your kid, if that means playing the game with your unreasonable & manipulative wife than that’s what you need to do.

It’s temporary until you get a real agreement in place. Stop trying to win every little battle it’s not going to make anything easier and will only cost you time with your kid and legal fees. Play the game, your time will come.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-12-13T14:34:20+00:00

Sir, you need to play 4D chess.

Is she abusive in any way to your child? Any incidents, even minor?

If so, leave with him. File for a TPO, have her booted from the house.

Otherwise, play the game.

Reflog1791 · 2023-12-13T15:11:27+00:00

Look up game theory. Then relate it to all possible actions and outcomes during your divorce. This takes the emotions out of it and helps you get from point A to point B.

I think you are missing many possibilities.

One that worked for me when she was holding all the cards: basically text her about as little as possible. But if she texts you, wait an hour or 2, then respond respectfully even kindly.

This is easy to do when you see it as a means to an end ie if I can respond to her text messages in a kind tone, she will have no ammo to send to court and she won’t be enraged into false and expensive legal tactics.

Say you moved out but the old internet is still in your name or being paid for. Option 1. Cancel if and say nothing. Option 2. Kindly text her that you’re moving your account to your new place on some date 2 weeks out.

Looking at these options comprehensively with game theory opens up about 50 better ideas. For example, you may realize the car insurance is about 2.5x more important than internet from a cost perspective.

It’s about seeing the big picture and carefully analyzing your moves and her likely reactions.

This is why I knew the best way to get the child schedule I wanted was to say, “My turn to party, you can raise our kid on your own.” I realized that fighting against her on that issue was an expensive and losing battle. I realized I was on the hook for CS no matter what. I studied the issue and her possible reactions.

Kid was dropped off that night as I predicted because I had properly diagnosed HER motivations (make me mad and get more money).

One_Cartographer_465 · 2023-12-13T16:09:21+00:00

As weird as this sounds, the fact your son is making those statements, at the drop of the hat, may/should play in your favor. These counselors/evaluators have seen children that have been coached before (I am not saying the evaluators always care). When a child makes a statement like that, unprompted, it is a clear indication of coaching on the part of a parent. It is NEVER healthy for a child when they are coached to alienate the other parent. The counselor's job is to figure out which parent is better for the child.

My own situation: my then wife, started sleeping in our son's bed (He was 5 at the time) a couple of weeks before filing. When I was interviewing with the court counselor I mentioned this in passing (i didn't think much of it), that is when she perked up and started taking notes. Apparently that is a big no no. That was the turning point of that interview, she even told me what my wife accused me of in her interview. The thing that really pissed off the counselor and made her tear up, my wife told her I admitted that I prayed my son would die while in child birth. The part she left out was both nearly died during child birth and I prayed that if the Lord was going to take one of them, let it be my son, because I didn't know him yet and I could still have a life with my wife. I ended up with full custody.

Things may seem bad, but her actions will look terrible to someone on the outside looking in. Good luck.

Title	Dance with the devil
Author	Everyonelookatme1
Upvotes	9
Comments	15
Date	December 13, 2023 9:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18hdbll/dance_with_the_devil/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dance-with-the-devil.1240662 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240662

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