I’m going through a divorce.

Well, Ireland’s version of a divorce.

Which is basically a two‑year escape room where the only clue is 🤔 Have you suffered enough yet? 😭

Mid‑2022, my wife blew through €12,000 of our savings. Twelve thousand. I didn’t even know we HAD €12,000. No I definitely did know as I was the responsible one. I thought we were saving for a rainy day, turns out she was saving for a monsoon.

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Then end of 2022, I find out she’s having an affair. And not even a discreet one as she brought the affair into the family home like he was a new rescue pet.

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Kids, this is Mammy’s new emotional support gobshite.🤣

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But wait, it gets better. She begs me for marriage counselling.

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And I go! Like an idiot, and yes I'm the idiot. Like a man who thinks, Yeah, maybe this woman who detonated our savings and cheated might have a point.

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Ireland’s divorce laws pop up like a tutorial.

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“You must be separated for two of the previous 3 years before you can leave this circus.” Two years! That’s that’s a hostage situation with paperwork.

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Anywho two days before our 16th anniversary, Im finally able to ask for the divorce. She's demoted to the sofa. Not because she’s ashamed.

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Fast‑forward to last month: She takes a safety order out on me for the 2nd time this year, apparently I’m a danger. To who? The sofa? The bank account? Her affair partner’s feelings?

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And THEN the kicker arrived yesterday, her solicitor sends a request.

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Not an apology.

Not a compromise.

Not “Hey, sorry for the chaos.”

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No. She wants…

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single beds put into the main bedroom because her back is sore from the sofa.

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Single beds. Like we’re running a budget B&B.

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Imagine the audacity. She accuse me of being dangerous, She beings her affair into the family house, She's been sofa‑surfing for years, and now she want me to redecorate the bedroom like a 1950s Catholic boarding school.

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At this point, I’m not even angry.

I’m impressed.

The confidence.

The commitment to delusion, The sheer olympic level mental gymnastics this woman is/has played.

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Remember life moves on.