Does this REALLY work?

jimsmythee · 2023-07-15T03:14:42+00:00

Do whatever you can to spend time with your kids without the wife. Build that relationship

itszulutime · 2023-07-15T03:51:07+00:00

Do you have a safe place for the kids to be with you? I’m guessing yes, based on the GAL’s report. Show up to the hearing with evidence that you have a safe home for them, a proposed parenting plan with 50/50 placement, and there is not much that the judge can do except order a 50/50 placement. Custody and placement are two different things…but you really have nothing to worry about with either if you are a capable parent and can prove this in court. It will be a huge uphill battle for her to get more than that if you don’t give her any ammunition. Her lawyer might just be happy to collect fees if your ex is insisting on more than what is realistic.

Heavy-Abbreviations8 · 2023-07-15T09:02:31+00:00

Unfortunately, you have to accept that you may have lost your kids in the short term. You are playing the long game, because you may have lost the short game.

1) Be the best man and father that you can be. Use your time without your kids to better your parenting skills, therapy, career, shape, etc… One day, if your kids no longer hate you, they need to find a great man to be their father.

2) Be the consistent safe space. You are likely already forbidden from disparaging your spouse and discussing litigation with your kids. Abide by that. Every time they see their mom, it is how bad daddy is. Their time with you is a divorce free zone as much as possible. If they try to bait you, there is always the line. “Your mother and I are forbidden by the court from saying negative things about each other and discussing litigation with you.”

3) Every time, you see your kids, treat it like the last time. Because in most states, there is an age where the kids can decide they never want to see you again. Focus on making that moment the best moment you have left. Do not worry about anything that would distract from those moments.

I have been told by multiple divorced dads, that their kids never came back until adulthood. That is what you are working towards. Anything else is an amazing bonus.

swampdonkey69769 · 2023-07-15T10:14:23+00:00

Oh man….. if I could’ve lived in the same house with my kids since the separation (lil over a year) …… and what I’ve been though without them- I’d call it a slice of heaven. Do your best to keep the bad emotions in check and just be a good daddy 👌👌👌👌

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-07-15T17:07:04+00:00

All I can think of: Beware of incoming false accusations of abuse. They call such accusations "The Silver Bullet" for a reason.

The accusations could be flat-out lies. Or, more likely, she'll take some real-world example and blow it completely out of context. E.g.: if one of your kids needs to be disciplined, and you indeed discipline him in a calm, reasonable way, she'll report that you TERRORIZED your kid, left a bruise, screamed, threatened, etc.

Even if you deny it all under oath in court, it's your word against hers, and now the accusation is out there, like a fart in an elevator.

And, if you react with even a tiny amount of anger to being falsely accused, they'll say, "Look! Look! He's angry! He can't control his temper!". So, be prepared to sit there, emotionless, when someone accuses you of terrorizing your kids.

Your mileage may vary, of course. But just consider this possible scenario.

Title	Does this REALLY work?
Author	Clean_Fly_3748
Upvotes	5
Comments	11
Date	July 15, 2023 2:48 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14zzxjw/does_this_really_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-this-really-work.1225301 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225301

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