Finally done

Tiger8438 · 2019-07-02T15:11:28+00:00

First, sorry you're going through this.

Second, I like the username. I never pictured myself as a whiskey drinker, but my college buddy got me into Scotch, then I discovered Bourbon.

Most importantly, you didn't fail. You grew apart. How many of your childhood friends that you were going to be friends with for life have you kept in touch with? How many co-workers have you lost contact with as you've changed jobs? Growing, aging, changing is just a part of life; as much a part of life as birth and death. You met somebody, fell in love, had kids... All things everybody wants; that's success. Not everybody grows together in life. Don't see the growth apart as failing at marriage. See the acknowledgement of growing apart and separating amicably a success. Some couples suffer through horrible marriages "Till death do you part." You and your X now (at a presumably young age) get to start over, but not from the beginning and not as naive. You're both older, more mature, and more in-touch with what you want/need in a relationship.

You're also coping with loss. You're grieving. It's natural. You're going to have bad days. You're going to have good days too. Take each day at a time. Don't try to suppress your emotions. Experience them, let them wash over you like waves at the beach. Some waves will lift your soul like a boat rising with the tide and bring the happiness you were expecting. Some will knock you on your ass and bring the sorrow you are experiencing. As the storm dies down, the waves will be more predictable.

You're going to get through this. Give yourself a break. We're all hear for you.

Update: Forgot to double down on the advice from u/david_velasquez05, stay busy. Read, hit the gym, meditate. Checkout meetup.com to find activities and support.

david_velasquez05 · 2019-07-02T14:21:36+00:00

Get out the house and try and stay busy. Don’t make it an option to stay in bed. It’s hard, trust I know, but it’s a simple step in a better direction.

Tazariah · 2019-07-02T14:55:25+00:00

The good news is you are experiencing exactly what you should be at this stage. Seeing a woman you loved at one point and your children walk out of your life - even if it's just for a day - will cause pain and depression in the moment. Now you have to trust in yourself and focus on your love for your children. Seek to make decisions from here that will show your honor and respect for your children and for the people who will be in your life now and down the road. Your old positive self is in there. Don't seek him, he will show up on his own as you move forward. You've got this.

pharmd718 · 2019-07-02T15:57:38+00:00

I am going through the exact same thing. Recently divorced. Ex left with kids and I’m alone in a big house. It’s important to keep yourself busy. I rarely have a day where I have nothing to do after work. Find something to do. Don’t spend to much time at the house. It’s normal what you and I are going through and I’m sure it will only get easier.

WowzerzzWow · 2019-07-02T15:13:34+00:00

You never fail alone. Don't forget that. It takes two people to make this work. That's the biggest thing i learned when my first marriage fell apart. We both weren't getting what we needed. We just never discussed it. And, yes. It's gonna suck. You're gonna go through a lot of hard times, but you'll figure it all out and if you do it right, you get stronger. Start working on yourself. Maybe do some crazy shit. Or maybe play some video games till your eyes bleed. Whatever you need to do to make the beginning work for you. Just keep your head in the right place and push forward. It's gonna take some time but it will get better. Good Luck!

TNwhiskey901 · 2019-07-02T16:53:47+00:00

Thanks guys for the sage advice and support. I made myself get out of bed and started cleaning the house and arranging the remaining furniture the way I like it. I’ve been lucky to receive a hand full of calls from family/friends to check on me which in turn makes the emotions come out but I’m grateful for them. In a weird way it’s a release to not hold them in. I never expected to feel this way today. I was counting down the days. I dropped them off at the airport (I’ll be visiting the kids in another state until I can move there next spring) and everything was fine until I got home. I took one look at my oldest daughters room which still has all of her stuff in it (we split all their stuff amongst ourselves) and completely broke down. I haven’t cried like that in years. I’m so close with my kids that when I’m not with them, I don’t do well. I feel better now that I’m up and making small goals to just get to tonight. Thanks for everything guys.

TNwhiskey901 · 2019-08-01T18:22:51+00:00

Dropped my kids off with their mom across the country. Watching them drive off with her knowing I won’t see them for another month made my chest tighten and I broke down again. Now I’m back on the east coast in my big house and she is living in a million dollar mansion with our kids that her doctor bf just bought her.

Its easy to trace back through the years and find all the reasons I pushed her away or try to make sense of what changed. But the truth is, she decided that she wanted something different and just isn’t courageous enough to call it for what it is. Instead, she claims it was my fault that she cheated and chose someone else.

Title	Finally done
Author	TNwhiskey901
Upvotes	7
Comments	8
Date	July 2, 2019 1:53 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/c89hsu/finally_done/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/finally-done.1205859 https://theredarchive.com/post/1205859

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