Guidance needed with listing demands

fewdo · 2023-06-09T14:28:08+00:00

What is your goal? Is she safe for the kids? Do you want 100% custody? Primary custody? Visits?

david10277 · 2023-06-09T17:21:30+00:00

50/50 by default

What is the concerned about your kids safety..

Unless theres previous self harm, drug, violence from your STBX is gonna be 50/50 and that's with a fight.

You need to start there

Noodletrousers · 2023-06-09T17:50:42+00:00

Things like making sure that both of you inform each other and the court about a planned move outside of the county. Also the exact parameters of custody (e.g. 5 you 5 her, or whatever is the best for you, but make it concrete).

I gave advice yesterday about meditation and it may apply to you as well. So here’s a condensed version:

Mediation is negotiation. You need to always start by asking for more than you’re willing to accept. You need chips to bargain with otherwise you have no room for good Faith concessions which will leave you either with a bad deal or no deal at all. Open by asking for the world and gradually give up small things that matter least to you. If done properly, you will end up with even more than the baseline of what you’re willing to accept. Prepare yourself by watching videos on the art of negotiation.

So you don’t think I’m just blowing smoke up your ass. I just had mediation yesterday and because of how I played it, she backed off from her most outrageous demands (which the week before she had told me that if I didn’t completely acquiesce to all of her demands that she would shut down the mediation immediately) and I barely had to give up on my position at all. She feels like a fair deal was reached and I’m ecstatic because I got infinitely more than I was willing to accept.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2023-06-09T19:58:26+00:00

Kids' safety first. If they are not safe with her long-term then demand primary custody, otherwise fall to next point.
Fairness for you next. Account for everything you feel you need and want. These things are not negotiable. You need to be able to afford to live, afford to take care of your kids the amount of time that you have them, and not feel like you're struggling just to make ends meet. You should get no less than 50% of the time with your kids and a division of major property that feels 'fair' (not necessarily 50% of stuff down to the penny, but barter by category -- if you have multiple homes you split them evenly and what you don't split you sell; multiple cars get split evenly and the obligations to pay go with the cars; accounts get divvied and whatever transfers make it easy enough to feel fair get made.)
Consideration for your ex comes LAST. Only when you feel like you've got enough carved out for yourself do you start offering what's left of it as consideration to her. Figure out what it'll cost for her to live, figure out how much she should be making, and offer her no more than the amount her budget would fall short.

Title	Guidance needed with listing demands
Author	tecnic
Upvotes	4
Comments	4
Date	June 9, 2023 11:03 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14527kj/guidance_needed_with_listing_demands/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/guidance-needed-with-listing-demands.1221696 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221696

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