Hard Days

Candidate_Worldly · 2025-11-29T13:19:02+00:00

It takes fucking ages and its non linear. Separated about 16 months now. I was in great shape in the summer, sleeping well, looking and feeling good. Basically thought I was on the way.

For some reason I've gone backwards again last few weeks. Not sure if its Christmas coming and the lack of daylight ( I'm in Scotland and winter here is pretty bleak) Find mysef ruminating and missing my old life a lot lately.

Went 100% no contact with my ex apart from kids stuff and now she just keeps texting me. I don;t respond. I try not to hate her for destroying everything we had but its hard not to. 26 years togehter just gone.

Just lost so much: my wife, half the time with my daughter, my beautiful house, workshop with classic cars and dirt bikes, living in a tired rental with bad plumbing which costs a fortune.

Needed to rent in a HCOL city to stay close to my kid. I dont even have a car at the moment.

Still find it hard to accept this is my reality now. My confidence and self esteem are on the floor and I'm lonely as fuck, but my perception of women and relationships is not in a good place. Have to just keep going but I'm exhausted.

Snowbirdy · 2025-11-28T23:05:40+00:00

It’s been 13 years. I still get sad about hearing all the things I missed around them growing up. But they are happy to see me and actually asked to have breakfast with me today before I went to the airport. It doesn’t go away but it softens with time.

IllustriousIce159 · 2025-11-28T22:18:52+00:00

The lurkers and the whole 'performance' thing, that's the worst part of the early stages, I totally get it. It's not the divorce that's crushing you right now, it's having to carry the weight of that secret while trying to act normal around people who clearly know something is up. You're carrying two heavy things, not one. When does it get easier? Honestly, not until you stop doing the heavy lifting for other people's comfort. You need to drop the bombshell. Find someone reliable. A brother, a true friend and tell him everything. You showed up for your kids yesterday. That's the only win you need to care about. Let the noise from the in-laws and the whole scene just be noise, man. Take a damn breath today, you earned it.

wantmywifeback · 2025-11-28T20:26:42+00:00

Right there with ya brother. It was very hard. Separated 5 weeks. 15 year old won't talk to me, so had a small dinner with my 12 year old and my parents.

Breathe. Get with friends. I'm an introvert but realized how I've got to reach out... i'm hanging out with coworkers, etc.

No-Boysenberry3045 · 2025-11-28T19:31:39+00:00

That was my situation. 2 years ago. Very hard Days . I'm sorry you're going thru this . I would not wish it on anyone. This is my second holiday alone it's better than the frist one.

TheMindfulWarrior9 · 2025-11-28T17:07:29+00:00

I think everyone’s timeline is different. Here a couple things to keep in mind first don’t let anyone tell you what you should be doing and how long healing should be taking. I had a couple of friends who meant well, but basically set this unrealistic expectation that I get to cry and be as sad as I want for the first month, but after that, I need to get my act together and get better. I really thought that was the “normal” healing window, and when I was still feeling really crappy in months two and three I was starting to get worried.

For me personally the first few weeks were just complete shock and nonfunctioning then I would say the next couple of months were very very deep depression. I noticed a little bit of improvement at around the three or four month mark, but it’s still really really hard for me and I’m close to five months now.

Title	Hard Days
Author	AlternativeSky1108
Upvotes	9
Comments	8
Date	November 28, 2025 4:42 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1p8zi7y/hard_days/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/hard-days.1567626 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567626

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