How children make it different

Al-Rei · 2020-01-20T07:50:23+00:00

As someone who’s been through it I’m sorry to hear that. First you need to assume she has cheated physically and emotionally understand she has lied so at this point she can’t be trusted assume the worst and don’t even ask because whatever she says is either a lie and if true there’s no way for you to know so it’s pointless. Also don’t ask for details as anything she shares will damage your head for years to come and will become triggers that will mess with your head forever. She’s gonna want to talk don’t listen and also resist the urge to ask to know, it’s hard I know but is for your own good. Trust and respect are lost !! let her know this. Make it clear that without trust and respect there is no marriage relationship let her know you are through and done with her being your “wife” from this point forward what you had together is gone and there’s has to be a new understanding.

Being that you care for your child being raised by both and that she apparently enjoys nights out and barbecues together while secretly seeing someone else then co parent and become roommates. Get a divorce and get the lease or mortgage on your name only so you have more control over to kick her out of the house if she meses up or steps out of line. Do not get romantically involved this lady is a cheater and she obviously doesn’t love you but she still is the mother of your child and you may not be a couple but you can still be family. Don’t hate her, forgive but don’t forget and remember this is your pass to freedom.

Separate your finances and file for divorce do the offer to be boss parents together because you see the child is not at foul. This will only work if you still love each other as humans and can do it without fighting this is the best for the child and may be the best for both of you financially as well. Now if you want to still have sex together then open up the relationship but divorce for sure. This woman is no wife for you. Look man what I’m trying to say here is she is involved with another other dude and you can’t trust her anymore so don’t you ever fall for it again. She doesn’t deserve it. End the romantic aspect of it and keep the rest. This is 2020 modern family don’t listen to people saying to give her a pass it will be never ending hell for you.

This is possible, if you think it through is probably the best for the children (as long as you don’t fight) become co parents only just make it clear what the rules are and both agree definitely divorce first tho.

XJR555 · 2020-01-20T07:31:03+00:00

Trust is eroded and this is over - it’s now just a matter of when...now or another 5 years.

2020-01-20T13:06:30+00:00

It is what it is. I've been in your shoes. I saw a dickpic on my wife's phone when our son was an infant. When approached she said it was an ex and he sent it uninvited, etc. It was bullshit. But I let it go because I wanted to cultivate a strong bond with my boy. Now he's five and we're getting divorced anyhow. But my boy and I have had over five years of bonding and love and fun. Sadly, it's not a matter of if but of when a woman will stray. My wife did, my ex fiance did, ex girlfriends did. Could be me but that's my experience.

As far as your story goes, infidelity is insignificant when it comes to child custody. Unless you can prove she endangered the child in pursuit of her whoring. Like as if she left your daughter in a closed car in summer while whoring in an apartment in a bad neighborhood.

So whether shes a slut or not is irrelevant.

If you cant move past her whoring and need to get out, you have to get a good lawyer, DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MARITAL HOME, and be the best father you can be.

If you can move past it, offer your wife marriage counseling, etc.

Good luck brother.

Trant2433 · 2020-01-20T07:36:27+00:00

I'm ready to raise my daughter myself but doesn't a child need her mother?

Unless you’re in some Muslim country, apparently you don’t understand how the divorce courts work with regard to custody for men, especially with very young children.

Cocomadamn · 2020-01-20T07:15:29+00:00

sending hugs your way and wishing you all the best

Indianhillbilly786 · 2020-01-20T08:26:52+00:00

This piece gave me a lot of insight. I hope it helps. Godspeed, friend: https://dadstartingover.com/seven-signs-wife-is-cheating/

Thaniii · 2020-01-20T08:25:06+00:00

Will divorce drive her away from the child?

CarGuyM1985 · 2020-01-20T15:12:18+00:00

Good luck, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. The emotional affair is almost always underestimated by anyone who hasn’t dealt with the fallout of one.

TheIllusioneer · 2020-01-20T15:41:11+00:00

You have my utmost sympathy for what you will be experiencing in the months to come. No words can help with what you will feel, and the knowledge that we have been exactly where you are will be of little comfort. Just know that the storm you are in right now won't last forever, and you have a daughter who will need one responsible adult and you need to be that for your daughter..

KApoop101 · 2020-01-29T14:45:10+00:00

Let's all be thankful for the smart phone technology, because it would seem like this is how majority of cheaters get busted now (my STBX included)

LonelyNC123 · 2020-01-20T12:42:01+00:00

I have never been in your shoes but I would not race to end the marriage over this. Especially since you have a young child and you apparently still care about your wife. I would get lots of counseling before making a big decision like ending the marriage. BTW...I am a 55 year old man, I am in a Dead Bedroom, been that way for AGES and I am so unhappy. The only reason I am still married is because I can't pay for two households, pay for my one child to go to college soon and retire before stress in Corp America LITERALLY kills me. This is your call but a marriage can (sometimes) get over something like this. I know this hurts but don't let your emotional pain drive you to make any sudden decision.

Title	How children make it different
Author	NullExT
Upvotes	12
Comments	23
Date	January 20, 2020 6:53 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/er9lvy/how_children_make_it_different/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-children-make-it-different.1201232 https://theredarchive.com/post/1201232

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