We have 2 kids, 1 1/2 and 3 1/2. A big part of me feels like I've been holding on for so long because I didn't want to lose out on seeing them for half the week or more (likely more due to my busy work schedule). That's the heartbreaking reality of divorce for me, that I'm not going to get to read them bedtime stories and tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every day. I fucking hate even when I am required to work a 16 hour shift and don't get to see them that evening.

But I am running out of patience and tolerance for this woman. She screamed at me in front of our 3 1/2 year old son the other night, and he collapsed to the floor crying. The fucking kicker is when I picked him up and carried him to his room, he was crying and asking "why did you yell at mommy, why did you yell at mommy?" I know he was just scared and confused, but still I got the blame.

Now she is doubling down and flat out saying she has done nothing wrong, blaming me for being in a bad head space. I'm over it. I want away from her. But my living situation will not be great if I divorce. She will get the house, she will get the kids. I will have to work even more to pay for child support, alimony, my own housing. It will leave me no time to see my children.

I see no other way than to simply continue suffering this woman.