Back in June I got arrested and it has been a snowball effect since then. I got served divorce papers in July(married 14 years), lost my job in August and have been living with my mom since July. On the one hand it is great to be with her since my dad passed away about two years ago, so I help maintain and upkeep the house, but there’s a protective order where I cannot go back to my house. I get to see my kids, 11M & 13M, every other week and they come and stay with me. I’ve since been able to secure 2 jobs but im working like a dog till my trial, later this year. Since the divorce papers, I have tried my best to keep my head up and fight through the days, some are good, but most are just meaningless days. I feel as though I’m just walking through life and cannot enjoy anything. I feel lost sometimes. My soon to be ex and I have been working together to have a mutual settlement but most of my money is tied up in the lawyer. I have some money saved and my cars, clothes, etc. but the house I will lose. The therapist I’m seeing says I need to forgive myself and move on but I cannot do that. I cannot forgive myself for ruining my career, embarrassing my ex, and destroying my family.. I live with this pain each and everyday. I sit up at night and dream about the life I would have had if I hadn’t gotten arrested or hadn’t tried to hurt myself. This pain hurts so much it sometimes I wonder… but I think of my boys. I think the joy they bring me when I see them. The smiles they have when we shoot hoops, cook together, play Fortnite, or just hang out and talk about whatever. But once they leave, that pain creeps right back in and it just sits there antagonizing me and festering within.. so I ask, how long will this pain last? Will I live with this regret my entire life? Will I be able to be normal again and love someone again? She left me at my lowest point in my life, can I ever trust another woman? Sorry for all the questions, I’m just lost and don’t know who I can turn to to ask these questions as all my “friends” have abandoned me.. I miss being me, but I know that guy is in the rear view mirror. I just want to be whole again. Sorry to bother you. Any advice is appreciated, thanks