I'm in a very toxic situation and I don't know what to do.

About myself:

  • 42yo M, Retired Combat Vet,

  • Wisconsin

  • 1 child (together) 10 months, 1 possibly on the way.

  • Attempted to file separation jointly but she won't cooperate. No papers filed at this point.

  • Cannot afford legal representation at this time (it would take me at least 6mo to gather enough for the retainer).

  • Married for almost a year and just recently bought a house a month ago (stupid choice, I know) and living together

  • I'm a childhood victim of Narcissistic abuse. I've done the work, I'm confident in my identity (for those of you that have dealt with them, you know what I mean) My Ex was one and now my current. I know the comments I'm going to hear, and yea, I get it. I already feel like shit, please, keep it to strategy. I just want to move past this.

I started noticing the familiar signs but stupidly overlooked the red flags like I was full throttle on the autobahn. She was smart (seemed that way at least), sexy, crazy sexual. The beginning was great but, as you know the "love bomb" ended and the crazy stuff started. I've been around them enough to see the shift happen. I thought I was helping when I recommended therapy and even paid for it but, she never went. The usual blame shift to me happens when I bring it up. Long story short, I tried to leave many times and guilt that I wasn't doing enough, and pregnancy reeled me back in three times now. We had our daughter, second was a miscarriage, and now she's done it again. I was calm and respectful when I said I wanted to part ways and a couple days later she says she's pregnant again. I asked her to take a test that I bought while I watched and she complied, the test was positive. I haven't "finished" inside for at least two months per her request, and she even tried to make me in charge of her cycle by making me download an app to track it, like I'm the only one who is responsible for when she has sex. We Just bought a house which I pushed because I thought it would help us financially down the road instead of renting. I know it was stupid. She refuses to cooperate with a mediation/separation, making excuses as to why she can't agree. I'm being as reasonable as possible because I want out. I'm basically giving her the red carpet, still won't budge. Last night I realized it's going to get ugly so, I followed the advice generally given to a situation like this and started contacting law firms. I've gone through like three now and they all mysteriously have "conflicts". Boys, she called all the divorce firms in a 20-mile radius so that I couldn't get representation, and even the ones that would talk to me don't have payment plans and I don't have that cash sitting around. What do I do? I'm at a complete loss of ideas.