I need help

jimsmythee · 2024-09-20T17:57:18+00:00

I'm going to be dead set honest with you.

Your wife has now reached caregiver burnout. As soon as you said "pain meds" I said to myself, "Been there, done that, escaped."

My exwife got addicted to those pain pills from back surgery, migraines, stomach surgeries, etc. I was the main breadwinner and all she did was remain in the gray fog of those pills.

I reached complete and total burnout on this and I knew that if I stayed with her? She would have cost me (and the kids) everything - my house, my job, my car, my retirement. It wasn't just the emotional cost? It was the financial cost too, because she wouldn't realize she was in a deep fog until she was knee deep in another disaster.

But this is where you're going to have to think about a post-divorce life for yourself. Yes, you'll get alimony. But no, you won't have a wife anymore to be taking care of you. Check with your insurance about a social worker who can help you navigate to your next phase. Living alone and independent might not be in the cards for you.

My exwife's post-divorce life has been hard on her. Two years post divorce, she was flat broke and she had to move in with her parents and had to get a job. Her dad passed and now it's just her and her mom (and the kids 50% of the time). She's continually in & out of the hospital, getting fired from jobs due to too much missed work. Getting into car accidents.

I feel bad, but I know my limits and I just could not do it anymore. That's why I had to leave her.

Ok_Cat5539 · 2024-09-19T20:03:37+00:00

I recently had to remove my pain meds from the house. I now only have a week's worth of meds here. For some reason when I have them around the house and forget to lock them up I end up 7 to 9 days short. She accuses me of talking them unknowingly and that she has never taken any medicine from me. Tried hiding them in my adults son's room and she found them there as well. But still swears that she never takes anything.

I am at the point where my depression is so bad I am having a very difficult time not thinking about why do I want to suffer anymore. Even with a divorce or whatever she calls it she is still going to be part of the family and that thought is scary. She has already turned 2 of my adult children against me.

What do I do?

stupididiot78 · 2024-09-18T05:58:13+00:00

I have no clue about the divorce stuff. I do, however, know the medical world.

Lots of people will have surgeries and then not be sick enough to stay at the hospital but not well enp7gh to go home. That's what rehab facilities are for. Go there and let them do their thing. They have people who will help you be the best possible you that you can be. The hospital and facilities will work together to get everything transferred for you. Not only that, there are also plenty of companies out there that will take care of you at home once you're well enough to leave rehab. Rehab and home health will work together to make stuff happen for you.

Source - I'm a nurse who used to do home health and now help run a rehabilitation facility.

probebeta · 2024-09-18T04:24:31+00:00

If tables were turned she'd say "I just want everything that I'm entitled to" which is pretty much whatever she can squeeze out from you. This is the story that I heard from most people who have gone through divorce. So I'd say.... Get what you're entitled to and don't count on her being nice. It sucks on how quickly they change when her self interest is affected, but it is what it is...

This_Train340i · 2024-09-17T22:47:18+00:00

She'll be nasty, you can count on that, especially since she is going to have to probably pay alimony and your health insurance. A typical woman seeking a divorce under these circumstances will go scorched earth and try to destroy you while burning up all the marital assets she can to prevent you from getting anything at all. If you haven't experience the real her yet, you are about to because the mask is coming off. Cash out your 401k so you can at least stick her with 1/2 the tax bill. Good luck brother.

Title	I need help
Author	Ok_Cat5539
Upvotes	6
Comments	11
Date	September 17, 2024 9:45 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fjbw2l/i_need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-need-help.1530612 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530612

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