I'm in an awful place right now. Long story short, my family decided to move 7 months ago, I went with the kids (teen/tweens), STBX stayed behind, then decided she didn't want to move afterall. I filed for divorce because she does this all the time, just never to this degree. She filed an emergency order for custody and we had a hearing (it wasn't granted) but the judge said "get mom some visitation". STBX showed up in new city unannounced demanding time, and on lawyer's advice I set something up that put me back in our old city for a week for that and planned to go back to the new home. The kids settled right back in at mom's.

Of course STBX won't let me back in the house (just as well, she's been testing the DV waters), so I'm in a shitty basement and see my kids for just a few hours a day. I feel horrible going from being SAHD to this. I'm afraid it's going to get worse. Kids are teens, and they've got new clothes, purses, and phones from mom. I can't compete, and I think they probably told the GAL they would like to stay there. I have no idea, but they come in for a little while to see me, we have a good time, then they go back. STBX has always been the fun parent and left me to do discipline, but the last 7 months have been so good and so easy with the kids without her around, I'm just afraid they are happy to be back home and I'm going to get kicked to the curb. Or worse, that I am some sort of toxic parent and now that they are away from me they are safe and healthy.

On top of that, I have work, but it's not work that would afford me living here, so I'm thinking I might have to choose between coming up with money from IDK where (like, I have a professional career, it's just not that much) so I can stay near kids, or going away somewhere that I can afford. Lawyer promises alimony, but STBX is already after that saying I could make much more, and lawyer has basically said he'll try for alimony but gender discrimination is a real thing for fathers who aren't the earners. Feeling horrible. Anybody with similar experience with the kids? I don't know what to do if they say they want to stay with mom at home.