“It gets better”

berzerker5000 · 2023-07-30T16:35:53+00:00

I am still in the midst of my divorce and the best advice I have been given is: use it as an opportunity to reinvent yourself. From my family to my therapist to this subreddit, they all say that same thing. Life is not over is just a new beginning. Find things that give you joy and focus on them.

Yea there is no replacing the loss of your marriage and (supposed) love of your life, but you can’t let those sad thoughts consume you. Afterall, if she was really the love of your life, would she have done those things to hurt you? NO! She did you a favor and let you get out of a toxic relationship when you could instead of dragging it out for years.

Your kid will always love you. Show up and be a dad. They will know who you are and appreciate you for being there especially when they get older.

All I care about is my kids now, not her. She ruined our perfect family with her mental derangement. Sucks for her, not me and not the kids. That’s my attitude.

cdjohnny · 2023-07-30T13:06:17+00:00

Good news is the first year is the worst and you're through it. Get some therapy, focus your energy on new things, your child and yourself.

JJNotStrike · 2023-07-30T09:04:43+00:00

I'm on my 2nd round of this ringer and I can share my experience. I felt exactly like you during my first divorce, which actually is why I feel a little better this time around. I developed an ability to cope with the fact my wife cheated and left. It's a long process of grief, especially if you were together for a while. The two best things that helped me with my depression, aside from seeing a medical professional, were developing a strong workout routine to expend energy, anger, and depression.

Next, the most valuable thing was that I started volunteering and giving back to the community however I could. That is a very rewarding thing that develops a sense of pride and accomplishment for yourself. I was with my first wife for 10 years. It was a long grieving process, but just those two things were huge in making me feel better in the long run. Also, if you have a pet or the ability to get one, they're good companions and taking care of them is another way to heal. Best of luck to you in your situation!

Rportilla · 2023-07-30T06:24:33+00:00

Hey Bro sorry to hear that you’re through such a hard time. But shit takes time depending on how long you were with your ex.Youre going thru the stages of grief and it’s going to take time.Definitely hang out with family and friends to help you.And I’ve read some of your previous post I suggested you talk to a professional or maybe even a religious leader in your church.Take care

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-07-30T11:43:46+00:00

What have you changed about your daily routine and life to try to move forward? If you aren’t making a conscious effort to improve and move on guess what, you won’t.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

throwsadaccountxxx · 2023-07-30T16:31:25+00:00

Bro I'm close to 2 years post divorce. I was right there after 1 year. And I still have huge moment of sadness. My family is gone, I guess I still have to deal with this until the end.

Aggressive-Shock9242 · 2023-07-30T22:25:33+00:00

Listen, a lot of us have been there. Mine cheated and walked out with no warning or effort, taking 50% of my kids time with me, which is my life, and financially dropped a bomb on me. Your child NEEDS you. You have to go inside yourself and remember who you are, and how important you are - not just to your child - but your family and friends. It is not an option to give up. So once you take that off the table, you now move into, “OK, how can I make this better?” And it’s effort. It’s finding spirituality. It’s realizing how short our time is here and that neither your marriage nor your divorce define you. You define you. Your spouse cheated and it’s horrendous. Nobody is going to claim otherwise, but you have an obligation to live and to be a father. And that obligation will soon turn to gratitude. You don’t want to miss a moment of your child’s life, and your ex’s dumpster fire of values just proves to you that she was never the person you thought she was. Again, that’s a tough pill many of us have swallowed and we’re still here getting it done. You will too. You’ve got this!

tragicaddiction · 2023-07-31T23:32:27+00:00

i'm always reminded of simpsons when Bart exclaims this was his worst day in his life in which homer replies "worst day of your life.. so far!"

it feels like that when you are in a hole and think it can't go any deeper and suddenly it does

there is a time to start doing grateful lists.. there are always things to be grateful for and sometimes they may seem silly but you are probably better off than you think

do you have a roof over your head?

do you have fully functioning arms/legs?

are you able to feed yourself?

do you have a job?

do you have a healthy child?

do you have hobbies in your life?

life sucks.. but if you only see what sucks and not any of the good parts then you end up in horrible places.

think of this as a way to start over... learn from mistakes and be the best dad you can for your kid

Title	“It gets better”
Author	Automatic-Piano-988
Upvotes	25
Comments	10
Date	July 30, 2023 4:08 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15dbsgb/it_gets_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/it-gets-better.1226870 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226870

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