Looking for some advice

ueeediot · 2019-09-26T00:38:42+00:00

Listen. Here is what you are going to do.

You are going to get your head straight that your head is not straight. You are too emotional to think straight.

You're going to fight for your 5 year from now self.

You're going to find a family member who gives a fuck a d help you think non emotionally.

You're at bat. Its 0-2. Its fucked. But that's where you are. Think hard about where you need to be and do whatever it takes to get there.

jwb76 · 2019-09-25T23:37:16+00:00

Same situation, we lived together for nine months after telling me she was lesbian. We were amiable towards each other during the whole process. She moved out a month ago. We also have two young boys. I took primary custody of them (school year). I did get depressed feelings again when the time came for her to move out.

At first I felt excited about the idea of dating again. Decided later to take a different path. My advice, take it very slow. Everything that I read about dating after divorce is to give it time. Work out any issues that still linger. Some articles I read it’s best to go through major holidays as single to get you feelings adjusted to what’s it like to be alone.

Good luck to you

CoatedWinner · 2019-09-26T00:46:21+00:00

I had a similar situation with my ex. Lived in the same place for about 6 months, me on the couch. The divorce has been amicable and it was a bit more of a collective decision but it was for the same reason, she didnt just not love me, she didnt like me. She just moved out a few weeks ago.

Although leading up to it was tough and custody changing is tough (see my little one less than Id like) - after the move was a huge relief.

Youll get through it. I went and found a therapist, Id recommend that to anybody dealing with a tough time, even just to vent/talk to someone about your feelings.

running_hawk · 2019-09-26T01:29:12+00:00

So I am in the same “living with STBXW” . IT IS FUCKED!

Honestly I ended up in a Crisis Center ready to end my life. I have a history of depression like symptoms and finally had to face my demons.

Back living with STBX she says She is going kick me out before papers are signed. Been kicked out 4 times and was begged to please move back. I KNOW, its FUCKIN STUPID of me.

Sorry rambling... just wanted to say:

1- You are not alone in this! 2- Calm , Cool, Collected - Zen Master 3- Fight for yourself and Dont back down 4- Share, Vent, express (safely) your feelings! 5- Feel free to BE YOU again!

(I am really needing to do these!!!)

BE WELL!

running_hawk · 2019-09-26T02:18:48+00:00

I am kinda scared too been married half my life, married once before too. I am sorry man. I know from experience, its not easy. But youre strong. You got this! Re-discovery of the new You is just around the corner.

Lonedingo711 · 2019-09-26T06:01:34+00:00

It's a blow to a guys confidence for sure. Was married for 17 years and 4 kids later my ex had and affair for two years while I was work traveling and the marriage was in trouble 5 years before that. Lots of feelings of loneliness, hate, resentment, mixed with the prospect of being free of that baggage. Best advise I can provide is find yourself again, the type of you that was before your marriage. If something disappeared about your behavior from the situation you were in, find that again or work on a better version of yourself. Go out and find/enjoy life again and date yourself for a while. Then you will find that the crushed/hurt/anger/resentment feelings will fade, they will never be gone but the sting is much less and then life will begin to turn again for you.

Don't rush into the next relationship, don't even really look for it. Find that it pops up where you weren't really looking. My uncle got divorced after 20 something years and he got into a series of rebound relationships, he's been married 6 times with 5 divorces. Still don't know if he is happy again.

For me, I found a great gal that enjoys my company and have been dating her for nearly ten years. The next partner is out there, the one you wish you would have met the first time around, but for whatever reason, things weren't in place. Hope the divorce isn't messy, and you find someone.

B_TRUE_2_YOURSELF · 2019-09-26T11:50:02+00:00

I am going through the same thing, but she haven’t left yet. I love her so much. Moreover, it’s not A women in my heart that could replace her. However, to hold on to someone who no longer love you will only get worse, You must appreciate what once was. You can never mimic it again with her but you can with someone who’s seeking love as you are. Don’t let this destroy you. This is not the death of you, but the valuable life someone stopped cherishing. Make her regret it later by what you have become. Forget your past and embrace you future. Take away anything that will make you think of her. Good Luck Champ!!!!

bobbyb503 · 2019-09-25T23:31:57+00:00

Stbxw? Huh?

Title	Looking for some advice
Author	Dud27
Upvotes	13
Comments	20
Date	September 25, 2019 11:21 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/d9b87p/looking_for_some_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/looking-for-some-advice.1203901 https://theredarchive.com/post/1203901

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