MSC (Mandatory Settlement Conference) woahs

jimsmythee · 2021-10-13T16:16:14+00:00

In AZ, for any "divorce with children," the state requires free mediation sessions. It's basically where the two get together with a mediator and try to agree to anything they can (custody or money or whatever), so that the judge doesn't have to decide for you.

It was a good idea.

But in practice? It went horribly for me. Basically the whole thing went like this; my STBXW saying, "If you agree to xxxx, then I will agree to yyyy." I would say, "Ok, I agree to xxxx." And then the mediator would type it up on her computer. And then I would say to STBXW, "ok, now your turn." But instead of that, STBXW would change the subject and say, "We will come back to that." The third time my STBXW did that, I pointed it out to the mediator and she said back to me, "What are you talking about? We are making good progress here!" This went on for almost 4 hours. The two of them broke me down to the point I was giving up everything, and only getting 1 step above visitation-only with my kids.

In the end, the mediator called it a "win for everyone" and she went to get the notary to finalize it. But a stroke of luck hit. The notary had gone home ill about 15 minutes prior. So the mediator printed off 2 copies and handed each of us 1 copy. She said, "Ok, each of you take a copy, and get it notarized and then submit to the court."

As I drove off, a blast of fresh air hit me. I realized "I didn't sign this. No agreement has been made!" I took that form and shredded it and refused to sign. My exwife, of course notarized her copy and submitted it to the court.

At trial, my exwife tried to submit her copy as a "Partially signed mediation agreement." The judge tossed it.

In the end, I got my 50/50 custody and I got $0 alimony and I kept my house and my car. All she got was half of my 401k.

Chip512 · 2021-10-13T13:15:24+00:00

Sorry to hear that it went badly. In Texas a mediation session (run by a mediator, in my case an attorney familiar with the judge who would hear my case) is binding and often can get to something reasonable. Paying for an attorney and half the mediator fee for a day was unpleasant but got my case to a somewhat reasonable agreement.

sweatyone · 2021-10-13T16:22:37+00:00

You have my sympathy.

pegleg_legal · 2021-10-14T00:41:01+00:00

yes, these mediations are typically fruitless if you aren't really really close. The mediator CANNOT be the judge because the content of settlement negotiations is not admissible as evidence so you don't want the judge involved in this process. In most states the judge will conduct a "pretrial conference" later on where they give some level of indications of how they are likely to rule if the matter goes to trial. That is worth an substantial investment of legal fees to be prepared for.

Mediations are a "tick the box" thing 95% of the time

47omek · 2021-10-13T17:51:07+00:00

You're typically paying by the hour on these - so if you're not getting anywhere by the 2 hour mark just pack up and say "we'll see what the judge says" and walk out. A walk up the courthouse steps will quite often snap a delusional STBX back into reality.

Title	MSC (Mandatory Settlement Conference) woahs
Author	rippinross
Upvotes	12
Comments	20
Date	October 13, 2021 1:06 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/q7ar5o/msc_mandatory_settlement_conference_woahs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/msc-mandatory-settlement-conference-woahs.1079789 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079789

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