Not coping well

WowzerzzWow · 2019-07-05T12:59:11+00:00

Suicide is NEVER an option. You need to think about your kids. Things fall apart. It happens. And, it takes two people to make it happen. Don't place all the blame on yourself. Just keep your head up. Things will be real shitty for a while, then they get better. Accepting defeat before you've even begun to fight shouldn't be an option. Good Luck!

Nicnasmith · 2019-07-05T13:13:00+00:00

Hey, man. I hear your intensity in your depression. It sounds really challenging, but you can handle it. You will need help though. Please get professional help. The loss of your life has a huge impact even if you can't see that some days. Call the suicide hotline, join a free men's group if you can't afford therapy. There are some free resources if money is tight. I'm sorry you're going through this. Being sad is a normal response. Being sad is grieving the loss and it will pass with time. Being depressed is different from sadness and has us think we are fundamentally broken. This is where a professional can help. Hang in there. It can get better

Celacious · 2019-07-05T13:55:47+00:00

Please take suicide off the table--at the very least, you have kids and have to think of the impact of your actions on them. I have fleetingly entertained such thoughts from time to time, so I have some idea of the intensity of the pain behind the thoughts. Please make an appointment with a therapist right away, and call the suicide hotline if you need to.

You said that talking to your wife is making things worse. So don't do that. Go no contact for a while except for issues directly relating to your kids, and then only communicate by text. No face-to-face or phone drama. You need to make your own mental and physical health a priority. You are worth it!

CarGuyM1985 · 2019-07-05T14:08:14+00:00

I’m a a little over a month in myself, and found my wife did all this with plans to replace me. Suicide is never an option, especially when you have children, I’ve seen the aftermath on children with suicide parents, it’s horrible. However bad the pain is for you, it would be exponentially worse for your child the rest of her life.

Don’t do it, please get help, and focus on healing! It gets better.

favoritecableguy · 2019-07-05T17:42:14+00:00

been there, still get there sometimes. Don’t hurt yourself and definitely go talk to a professional about your thoughts. My wife swore up and down she never cheated on me and all of her reasons for filing were complaints about normal marriage/life difficulties (that she almost always made worse to be honest) but she was engaged to another man before the divorce was finalized. Sometimes it helps me to realize if I did hurt myself it would be considered a win to her because she likes attention. It’s hard being the bigger person and it sucks to feel like you’re losing everything and have no control. don’t let it get to you though, it will only last for a little while and you will overcome. surround yourself with people who will build you up and show you love. keep busy. and “don’t take criticism from people you wouldn’t ever go to for advice”

Influence_u · 2019-07-05T18:59:01+00:00

Hey man... I have been there, the pain is on such a different level you feel like you can’t escape. I spiraled down for awhile. Everyone always says time heals but the longer things go, the less pain I felt.

I can tell you that I started seeing a therapist... never had before in my life and it really does help!! It took me visiting 3-4 before I found the one I was most comfortable with.

Nothing anyone says here will make you instantly feel better... my therapists helped me cope with the pain and anger and now I’m 1000% better.

I did go 99% no contact with my ex. She can only email me and I only respond if it has anything to do with my kids. That helped a lot too.

Hang in there man!!!

Italianaway · 2019-07-05T19:03:48+00:00

Keep your head up. Life is not over, this is simply the end of a chapter. You now get to write the next chapter yourself. Suicide is not an option. I know far to well the pain you are going through. My wife left me unexpectedly 3 months ago, I got home from work to an empty house. She had been planning it for a while, as she already had another vehicle and house lined up. She timed it to be gone the day I got got served at work. I was beyond devastated. I don’t have any meaningful relationships so it made it even harder but one or two people stepped up and forced their way in to my life (in a good way). They helped realize that things will get better and that in the long run even though I loved my wife dearly, that if she wanted to end it there is nothing I could do and I will ultimately be happier without her because she was no longer invested in the marriage.

I said all this to say if you need to talk drop me a DM and I’ll send you my number and we can chat.

tinkerb3lll · 2019-07-05T20:21:08+00:00

Same here, the law is BS, I gave my wife our house so she walks away with $600K without paying a single bill or contributing in her life, absolute scum cheating wife, but what can I do. I didn't want to pay alimony so that was my alternative. I am the higher earner, I have cancer, but I keep my pension .. planning to buy a new house and move closer to my daughter to help me get thru this.

Try find something she wants so she doesn't clean you out, limit her funds, don't give her money, I am bleeding mine dry, she can't go to court even if she wanted, I suppose she could but not for long. Her friends helped me, they went to court and spent a ton of money and she heard about it, so we opted not to go .. so far has been in my favour .. we hopefully filing today for divorce and then I can leave for good ..

Definitely had thoughts of suicide, make sure you change your will and anything so someone gets your estate if not your family.

Suicide is the easy way out, don't let them win .. things will improve .. .

007upyours · 2019-07-05T15:29:50+00:00

You need this site my friend. https://shrink4men.com

If your lawyer is telling you (I don’t know the whole situation) that the law is on her side then you might need another lawyer. Look through the material here, be honest with yourself and start listening to the advise on this site; ignore every fucking thing else that is telling you to play nice. Nothing feels better than revenge, when you can service it coldly to your ex spouse and all they can do is eat crow. Your not alone, we’ve all been there. Suicide is a common feeling so your coming to a place a lot of us have been to. The single life is a lot better than you may remember it too.

Title	Not coping well
Author	laughagain3
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	July 5, 2019 12:44 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/c9fja9/not_coping_well/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/not-coping-well.1205814 https://theredarchive.com/post/1205814

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