I found out from my lawyer that, as of the 2nd of this month, I'm officially divorced. Thus ends a 21 year saga that culminated in my (ex) wife having a 5 year affair with the biggest piece of shit from our high school. In VA you have to be separated for a year, which is why the divorce took so long (it took over a year).

I went through a lot of pain and growth to get here. I feel pretty good. The last five years were hard to put up with and I discovered the affair was the reason why. At one point (prior to discovery) I was going to leave because it was so bad. I was committed to working for the marriage and she let me believe that I was the one who was failing. I think that was a particularly painful thing for her to inflict on me, but whatever. 6 months after that I discovered her affair. Then I recommitted to trying to reconcile, went to marriage counseling (waste of money), and she said she would do her best. We both 'committed' to giving the marriage our best tries for six months. Two days later I caught her on the phone with her affair partner. She was telling him she had 2 plans; either waste my money for 6 months while she got her finances in order so she could leave me OR fake a marriage with me for 6-8 years until our kids were grown. In both situations she was planning on continuing the affair. This was less than a month after I discovered the affair, FTR.

It was because of that, that I snapped out of my delusion and I realized that my only option was divorcing her, which I've now finished. After that things were difficult at first, but with every step things have gotten better. I've lost weight, I've gotten promotions at work, I'm doing well. I became friends with a lady I met online and that friendship has blossomed into a relationship. I would never have imagined where my life would be way back in those initial dark days. I'm now in a relationship with a woman who appreciates me and who genuinely cares about me.

The difference is night and day.

Things do get better.