Hi all, I'm new to this sub. Sorry for the length of this post. I wanted to tell my story to give those of you going through this some perspective.

Divorce was finalized on Dec 31st 2015. Ex wife was awarded 50% of all marital assets (~$425K) plus an egregious amount of alimony ($3500/month) for 5 1/2 years.

We were married for just under 10 years, no kids. She hired an aggressive feminist attorney that straight away came after my variable income (bonus, RSU spp etc). At the time, my gross compensation was~$200K and she was earning ~$30K due to long periods of unemployment and purposeful under-employed. Essentially, she was a lazy gold-digger even though she had 2 college degrees. For reference, I never graduated college but I'm a self taught engineer.

I managed to avoid a trial thank goodness but at times her attorney was trying to get as much as $4800/month in alimony. When we finally got to the $3500/month, I told my attorney "this is it, if they don't accept this, I'm ready to burn it all down in court until we're both in the poor house". They accepted at $3500/month.

I was physically a free man on New Year's eve 2015 but I was still an indentured slave to my ex financially.

I was distraught and at times my emotions ranged from suicidal to intense anger and depression. How could a judge award this worthless, lazy human being more than half my take home pay for 5 years? I mean I was 50yo at the time and in my prime earning years...I was about 5 years from possible retirement and now I had to give my ex a quarter million dollars of my income???

I contemplated filing for bankruptcy but in the end, I hunkered down, worked harder and pinched pennies. I moved into a cheaper apt and got a roommate. The self-shame of needing a roommate @50yo is a whole different story. Anyway, I worked hard and channeled all that anger and resentment into my career, my health and my hobbies. I racked up credit card debt and slowly paid it off.

I continued to save when I could, I learned more about investing, I took control of the remains of my 401K and got aggressive about growth.

I met a girl, half my age that didn't care about my money out lack thereof. We have an honest relationship that exists to this day. We are open and honest about marriage, she know I'm not ever going to marry her and she's ok with that. She gets to enjoy the benefits of my hard work only when she spends time with me.

Today I'm 3 months from the end of my spousal support obligation. I have savings again. The growth strategies in my investments had put me solidly back in the 2-comma club. I put a small down-payment (3%) on a condo in a good part of the city that I love. I became such good friends with my roommate I offered him a room for rent in the condo (he's going through a divorce also) and he pays half my mortgage.

Guys, the system is stacked against you in the family courts. The system is designed to bleed you dry by dragging out the settlement. Cut your losses if you can and don't try to fight a war of attrition. Move on and be better than her. There is hope after divorce. I could have chosen to continue to fight. Back then, I didn't know how I was going to survive but a had a moment of clarity.

That moment was when I realized that the whole family court system is designed to keep you fighting your ex as long as humanly possible. Her attorney doesn't care about her and your attorney doesn't care about you, it's a business and all three of them (Attorneys and Judge) probably are members of the same country club.

Peace and love all, I feel your pain and wanted to share my story...There is light at the end of the tunnel and it's called freedom.