Seeking Divorce Attorney

1inquiringmind98 · 2024-11-19T14:15:13+00:00

Guys, thank you TREMENDOUSLY for your time and insightful responses. I appreciate it! If I could buy all you fellas a round of beer, I would. It has been 21 years of a rocky marriage with 3 beautiful daughters that I didn't want to experience this type of event. Since she closed down our joint bank account which included our direct deposits from work, I have no choice but to file. She received 5 paychecks totaling a little over 18k and she does not want to provide what she did with the money.

pk2at · 2024-11-19T05:58:11+00:00

DIY while disclosing nothing is the best

streetsmartwallaby · 2024-11-19T03:15:05+00:00

I asked a few friends at work who had just gotten divorced; one of them said “You should hire the lawyer my ex-wife had. She was great”. I did a free consult and then hired them on the spot. I liked that they spent the time to ask me about what I wanted out of the divorce and then really listen to what I said.

It helped that she was highly recommended by the two other people I asked.

Slowloris81 · 2024-11-18T18:30:32+00:00

Make sure they specialize in family law and have a number of years practicing in your state and locality. You don’t want a generalist that does all kind of retail law.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-11-18T18:23:39+00:00

You should do consults with as many as you can, I only did three and should have done more.

Some questions to ask a lawyer you're looking to hire in no paticular order (question/my answer)

How often do your find your cases go to trial? [still have no idea]
How heavy is your case load? [so you know if you'll take a back seat]
How long do you take to respond to someone via email/phone? [my attorney isn't great about timely replies but i understand they have other clients]
When do i need to submit things? [I submitted fiscal BS three times before filing I should have waited until post filing and only when asked, every email/document was $$$ wasted]
How much (ball park) will this cost me? [was told 15-20USDk. Currently AT 27+USDk]
What is your rate/rate of staff? How will I be billed? Can i get on a payment plan? Do you bill by the minute/hour/15min blocks? [350/h 15min blocks. 600/h for court time].
How long will this take? [Was told it can vary but about 18-24mo, im at 26mo now]
WHEN do you take phone calls? In office or while you're on the road? Both? [My attorney would CLEARLY be driving when they would call me and it was annoying as they would forget things. I moved to email only or ASKING them when they are IN OFFICE for a call]

Get a whole new email if you can, one you know the other person does not have access to. You don't know where you're signed in/if they have passwords and all that. It just easier to start from scratch.

No quick questions - you need to gather up ALL your questions for one big email and have them look at it all at once. The time they take to answer one question they could do a few and it all costs the same. You need to ask your attorney what the hourly rate is and if they bill every 10, 15, 30 min ect. If your lawyer charges $400/hr and they do 15min mins.... that's $100 to answer ONE question. "Can I put my spouses media collection into a box in the basement?" "yes" boom, $100bucks.

Set up email filters for your lawyer and spouse to go into respective folders.
Turn off alerts if you want. I would rec turning off alerts for the spouse not your attorney. This way you dont see "ex name" pop up on your phone and, frankly, ruin your afternoon. Also you wont be tempted to read whatever it is.
Have a set time every week that is "Divorce BS time" - maybe from 6-7 on Tuesday and 12-1 on Saturday. READ THOSE EMAILS ONLY DURING THAT TIME.
Compose replies BUT DO NOT SEND. give it a day and go back and re-read it and tweak. For the lawyer: more questions and detail. For the spouse: less needless info and removing anything thats not related (i.e. emotional). Your lawyer has other clients and wont reply asap anyway so you can take time as well.
Anything you write to the spouse keep it SHORT and on point. Business like. No drama as quick replies can be emotionally charged. Pretend ANY email you send the spouse could have a judge looking at it or their attorney reading in court.
Don't engage in email/text battles - either with your attorney (just set up a call!) or the spouse (they will NEVER end well/solve anything). If they text you just reply with "that sounds important, send an email". You want the electronic trail.
Only provide materials (i.e. discovery documents/paperwork) WHEN ASKED and ONLY to YOUR LAWYER. Do not email things to your ex or to their lawyer. Do not pre-submit because if things take a long time its now out of date and you're submitting it again, all at $400/hr.
Let physical things go. The cost to litigate can often outweigh the cost to replace something. Unless is has massive sentimental value things like electronics, furniture, etc, be ok with letting them 'win' on that (and hope to get something in return).

This knowledge comes at my expense of nearly 5-6k+ in wasted money via communication I should have slowed/batched. Add another 15k (so 20k+) in wasted money because I waited six months to file myself.

regertsrus · 2024-11-18T18:11:29+00:00

Lawyers make money by escalating problems. Remember that.
Your best chance of success is knowing what to expect when you ask your lawyer a question. Take an interest in divorce law. Read your judges prior cases. Spend a thousand hours reading about cases and case law and you are golden. However being the most informed client won't help you if your wife is uninformed. It only takes 1 of 2 lawyers to escallate matters. So if you are not cordial with your wife then prepare to spend alot of money. Also there is nothing stopping you from making offers to her. Don't listen to your lawyer on this one. Remember your freedom of speech is protected.

Title	Seeking Divorce Attorney
Author	1inquiringmind98
Upvotes	1
Comments	7
Date	November 18, 2024 5:38 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1guags1/seeking_divorce_attorney/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/seeking-divorce-attorney.1536137 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536137

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