Taking accountability for my actions

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-05-19T02:58:15+00:00

OP, unless you were physically abusive, or cheated, nothing you did literally contributed to the dissolution of your marriage. Too many men take the laundry list of “things they did wrong” according to their ex to heart.

Osicc · 2025-05-17T21:32:05+00:00

Not a professional. Seemed a fair start. The following is the path I tread.

Marriage was not a young one, 25 years for a minute.

Always running more than a single pass on what hurt for me and her. Little grace and time as to see things through her eyes anger can’t drape that. It’s there and has its place as it is. May find at times not exactly sure why the love failed, why you were not the best you could be, so I ask a question, why? When I get an answer I’m brutal with it and squint a bit. Honesty can be hard to come by even with oneself and so I rummage around with an answer and look to dig deeper, looking to see what comes up. Have found takes time, not a fast process for me and walk a long way to see a different thing. I don’t see an issue all at once just a single event of carelessness and work that, then move to another piece.

For some there will be a crushing weight that weighs a shoulder. Know better, do better. Smidge of grace that you are not all cruel and that kindness still sits in your heart. Remind myself of that at times. Maybe not deserved but a space to think and feel is as true for me as anyone.

Have my own thoughts on a few things. Among them is nothing worth a dam is taken only given. Can’t force a love, push forgiveness, expect anything for what dropped from your own heart, has always been that way for me. Not wrote in stone but until I see something better a path for me.

Can see your wrongs, apologize without expectation for what you’ve given. After that rummage around to see what you know or thought you knew about yourself. There are consequences to all we do and don’t time has no edits, it lays there naked as when it was first put down. Consequences get laid there as well but the past isnt the future, taints it a bit but doesn’t define it.

Lastly do a thing. A thing where you move. Walking for me puts you in the world that gets forgotten, not the world of mankind, the world. Do mine alone as not to weigh down another, not the premier way to go but where I’m at. It’s a moment for the world, me in it, the creatures around me, the touch of wind that pushes across me. Gives time to think, and a smidge of something in nothing.

Just a thought on a way to let a truth roll over and still be around for the next one.

Mileage may vary, problems get plated as varied dishes with never ending blends, turf this if it ruffles a heart, was as honest as I could reply a gift given with no expectations.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-05-17T14:06:19+00:00

There is a great book for that - Rebuilding: When your relationship ends by Bruce Fisher.

We used this book in the divorce recovery group I was a part of. The group runs for 12 week cycles. The first week they ask everyone what percentage of blame they place on themselves and their partners for the end of the marriage. Answers ranged from 90% - 10%. On week 12 they ask the same question and everybody was at 50/50.

It's a great place to be when you can reflect honestly on what happened and see where you did not show up and know how you want a future partner to show up. The reason second and third marriages have sky high divorce rates is because people never reflect and learn and so they experience the same romantic relatonship over and over just with new people.

RandomDude007_ · 2025-05-17T05:44:33+00:00

You could ask ChatGpt and work through an AI Therapy session. It really is amazing technology & its free.

fewdo · 2025-05-16T23:22:10+00:00

You can write stuff down in a journal. Don't forget that you aren't the only one who was imperfect.

Title	Taking accountability for my actions
Author	myxyplyxy
Upvotes	4
Comments	11
Date	May 16, 2025 11:17 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1koeqwu/taking_accountability_for_my_actions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/taking-accountability-for-my-actions.1552371 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552371

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