I have two kids, 10 and 8. I have a landline phone I got to put an end to claims from my ex that I was preventing my kids from calling her. Several times now when I tell my 10 year old “no” to something, she will call my ex crying, tell her dad said “no,” and beg my ex for whatever I wouldn’t give her. My ex then drives to my house uninvited (after I clearly say do not come over) in order to give my 10 year old what I wouldn’t. As an example, last night my 10 year old refused to eat a turkey sandwich she asked to have for dinner. Two hours later she was demanding snacks. I told her because she didn’t eat her dinner the only option was a bowl of cereal. From there, she called my ex crying to say she was “starving” and “dad won’t feed me.” My ex said she would be right over with food for her despite me telling her no and explaining that was completely undermining the lesson of not wasting food (especially food that is requested). This has happened several times and I thought about threatening to call the police but I don’t want to traumatize the kids.

Any thoughts on how to put up a boundary on this? For what it is worth, I believe my ex has borderline personality disorder so I would rather not poke the bear too hard because it gets me nowhere.