My fiancé initially had a problem with my past (2 before him) I had an very traumatic first time with an ex during my mid twenties - after this I started sleeping with a colleague .. l I was originally planning to wait for marriage and very strict on this so I feel even more guilty that I met my fiancé only a year and a half later. He got over my past - so he says and has never brought it up since and makes me feel good about myself - but I can’t help feeling like he’s settling for me and would rather a virgin. I was brought up extremely conservative and old fashioned - that a woman has to be a virgin for her husband or she’s worthless. Being a virgin was very very important to me.

I have been obsessing over virginity being a prize to a man and I was reading stuff on YouTube... If her history did bother him, she had slept with a couple other me, but still marries her? Is she safe, or will he treat her as ‘ less than ‘

We’re just about to purchase a house together and have one last bit to sign but I feel like before I do that I’d like to ask him if he wants to be with a virgin deep down he should go for it. I just don’t want to be treated less than and all these men all over YouTube seem to see women who aren’t virgins as less valuable, so what’s the point. I rather be alone. My past already makes me feel awful. I just feel so bad as had I held on that little bit longer he’d be my one and only.
This is a common regret I feel so many people regret losing their v to the wrong person, but I KNEW better and that’s what kills me so much. I’m just so tired because I feel like I’m constantly over compensating. It hurts so fucking much to know I waited till I was 24 and my first time was disgusting. It hurts so much that it wasn’t with the love of my life. I can’t stop thinking about how thrilled he would’ve been if I had been a virgin.

I’m 27 and he’s 30.