How did you deprogram yourself from the redpill?

xvszero · 2021-11-20T17:59:10+00:00

Honestly, you may have to get self-analytical, more than you might want to.

For instance, you have this string of women who have wronged you in the past? Honestly bizarre to me, because most of the women in my life have been awesome. But who you spend time with is a CHOICE. I have been very selective, and have very low tolerance for bullshit. If I'm sensing bullshit, I just cut the whole thing off early on. How and where are you meeting these women? How well do you even get to know them before getting emotionally invested? Are you ignoring signs? Etc. Also, what role did your own words and actions play in the problems that arose?

Beyond that I dunno, find a good friend group? When you get out into the real world you see all kinds of couples, some good, some bad. If you don't have any friends who have good relationships, that's an issue. If you do, there is your model.

GoWest7 · 2021-11-20T15:13:19+00:00

Therapy and self-help books, maybe?

One suggested resource:

Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan

Jamonde · 2021-11-20T19:28:27+00:00

Welcome to the journey friend!

First off, I’m sorry about how things are with your nMom, and I guess I’d like to say that there are probably many things that are ‘your fault’ in her eyes that really aren’t your fault at all. Distancing yourself from her in as many ways as possible should be a major priority, I think. Unfortunately the best way to deal with these kinds of folks is to just avoid being around them and their influence in whatever ways you can. I don’t know your situation but this is what I’d recommend. I recently lived with someone who exhibited some n traits and not living with them anymore has definitely been for the better.

Regarding moving on from the red pill and just dealing with women in general, I’m gonna say something that I hope you can keep in mind going forward: women are not better than men. They are a lot more like us than many extremists would have us believe. They are just as capable of doing or thinking or saying any of the most noble or vile things that any man has, ever. Period. That you have had bad experiences with them throughout your life is, unfortunately, a part of life, friend. I hope you understand that this isn’t unique just to you; I’ve had my fair share of not super positive things happen with women, too.

All that being said, what matters is how you respond to these situations. Having initial reactions of anger and frustration and questioning things is normal. But as you calm down and get into a more level-headed space, how you heal and think about this stuff becomes your responsibility. And as someone moving out of this toxic headspace, the tough thing is you have your work cut out for you. You aren’t ‘leaving behind trp’; what you’re really doing is actively and conscientiously building up a mindset where you have a positive perception of yourself and the world around you, up to and including women. I say this because you don’t want to to approach this with a deficit mindset, ie ‘I need to stop/get rid of/leave/get out of something,’ but rather with a mindset closer to ‘I am building/creating/progressing into something.’ It is not enough to decide you want more out of life than where you currently are - you need to be specific and set specific goals and build the steps to achieve those goals into your life. And it will take time, and it will be difficult.

But as someone who has asked many of the same questions you are and has been through many of the same things, I can tell you with 100% certainty that this is doable, and worth every ounce of effort you put in.

There are many things to do; it’s good that you’re already spending time in communities for people recovering from narcissistic relationships! Continue to be in those spaces and have those discussions. If you have the means to seek out professional counseling, I cannot recommend doing that enough. Hell, start journaling about where you feel like you are in life and where you want to be. Describe what it looks like to be who you want to be, with the kinds of relationships you want to have. r/menslib and r/malementalhealth can also be great places to lurk and browse from time to time.

To actively get out of the red pill stuff explicitly, you need to be proactive. Whenever your mind starts to wander into red pill assumptions and accusations, actively interrogate them. Why do you think, say, everything with women in your life has been horrible? Is it really true that you have gained no positive things from some of your past experiences with women? You’ve definitely learned something from them, right?

Aside from this, surround yourself with media that has portrayals of healthy relationships between men and women. Consume media that features women who genuinely care about those around them, women who are maybe even asking some of the same questions you are. In fact looking for portrayals of women dealing with a lot of the same things you are is probably good too. You will need to consume these media and also allow yourself to believe that they are realistic; that women are, in fact, more than just your negative experiences with them.

And, you will have to be the one that convinces yourself of this. No one can do that for you. But you are more than capable of doing that :)

softrevolution_ · 2021-11-20T15:50:30+00:00

I would unpack this in therapy if you can afford to. I know that not everyone can. Having an NMom means there's a wound left from childhood that may not have been able to heal yet. Are you on /r/raisedbynarcissists at all?

Naus1987 · 2021-11-21T03:13:51+00:00

It’s a tough situation. The thing to remember about people is that a lot of people are shitty. You don’t want women to judge all men based on the bad actions of the ones they’ve met, right?

Equally, you shouldn’t judge all women based on the ones you’ve met.

It’s ok to acknowledge that a lot of people are shitty. But if you let yourself be blinded into judging everyone — then you end up contributing to the problem instead of helping it.

Just try to be the best guy you can. Be kind and awesome to others — not because you think they deserve it. Who they are doesn’t matter.

Be kind and awesome — because that’s the person you want to be! Do it for yourself. Be the change you wish to see!

You got this, my friend

RacingPlant · 2021-11-20T16:27:13+00:00

Go watch some red pill exposed videos on youtube to find out what clowns are running the scene, pretending to be "alpha bosses" but nowhere close to it in real life.

ET-Osmio-180599 · 2021-11-22T14:50:54+00:00

I understand you, I went through the same thing, but if you look at my profile posts, you will know that I have done a lot of research on TRP ideas. Through research and listening to the side of women and men, you will know that both sexes are various things: equally shallow, loving, same relationship problems, etc etc, we have same problems and so you stop seeing black and white the

Title	How did you deprogram yourself from the redpill?
Author	oooooomez
Upvotes	12
Comments	11
Date	November 20, 2021 2:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/qy78vu/how_did_you_deprogram_yourself_from_the_redpill/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-did-you-deprogram-yourself-from-the-redpill.1082993 https://theredarchive.com/post/1082993

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