How do I lower my standards?

orphileen · 2022-02-08T06:30:24+00:00

What type of girl are you wanting to attract versus what you feel you must settle with? I too have also lost a good amount of weight and started the gym. I'm female tho. I never felt I had to settle, only that I knew I never wanted an obese partner. I wanted a partner that looks like they care about their health. Abs not needed, but you know what I mean 😉

I wonder if your thoughts about the girls you can't get versus whom you gotta settle with is all in your inner dialogue.

You just gotta go for it. I understand that as fat kids, we'll always still have a little part of that in us. Much like the previous commenter, just go out and have conversation. Visit the bar, be talkative with the barista when you get a coffee, smile at people. It's small, but it's something to open that door. Slowly but surely 🤟

teamazarashi30 · 2022-02-08T03:43:29+00:00

Whenever I get thoughts like this, I tend to think to myself, "If not now, when?" Obviously you shouldn't just go for things when you feel like it, but if you feel like there is an opportunity, why not go for it? If the issue is with dysmorphia, ask yourself, "when will I be in the right shape?" Because from my experience, everything is just an upward journey - 2 months later you will admire people who have worked out for 2 months longer, a year later it's going to be people who've worked out a year later. Someone who started after you is probably thinking the same thing about you. If you always think of your flaws, it's harder to appreciate the journey to where you got to at this point. If you don't take the opportunity now, when else would you - at what point would you feel satisfied?

At the same time, I understand that the advice of "just do it bro" can be a little overwhelming. My advice here would be to do a few things that increase your confidence before you talk to her (for me it's the gym and just having conversations with strangers). It's perfectly natural to want to be in good shape to attract girls, but it's easy for this to become an obsession. By doing things that make you feel confident in yourself, you become less inclined to feel like others must validate you. Whatever you choose to do, best of luck man, I'll be rooting for you.

CaiKeto · 2022-02-09T00:04:14+00:00

Seems like your problem is more about approach and less about anything else. You haven’t been rejected so no need to give up. A simple “excuse me, I saw you and I wanted to let you know that you’re beautiful, can I get your number?” Is good enough and what’s the worse that could happen? She says no? Say “okay then have a nice day” and move on.

No lowering of standards. You don’t deserve that and neither does the girl lol

bubi1234 · 2022-02-08T10:31:54+00:00

The only logical conclusion now is to lower my standards and force myself to be happy with somebody im not attracted too. But I don't know how to do that.

I think i have another logical conclusion :

But its yielded no results and im too much of a bitch to actually ask a pretty girl out

Bro, i dont like it either, but for the most time, you as a male have to talk! You have to get in touch. Being the best looking guy ever is surely helping but if you are passive, its not gonna cut it.

I do not want to blame you, i have similar issues and this is my take on this.

DO NOT lower your standards bro

rachulll · 2022-02-08T17:31:24+00:00

You need to actually talk to women, you can’t just put effort into your appearance and expect women to flock to you, that’s not how it works. You don’t have to lower your standards necessarily, just put yourself out there and actually ask people out

Naus1987 · 2022-02-09T03:22:32+00:00

If you lived close to me, I'd ask all the women out on your behalf just to have a fit friend to help me move furniture ^.~

Joking aside, your confidence, assertiveness, and social skills are going to be your biggest player. Looking awesome is just your ticket into the door. It's still up to you to introduce yourself.

Men can't just look great, and get approached. Wish it were that easy though, ha!

---------

And then honestly, if you were to lower your standards, I'd consider just not playing. Dating, love, and romance is sooooo much more than just a pretty face. And if you're just after a pretty face, then you can poster a bunch of hot super models on your walls and see beauty every time you wake up or strut around your house.

Ultimately, my best advice I can ever give. Is to look around you for someone who has actually accomplished whatever goal it is you're trying to do -- and then see how they did it! If you want great dating advice. Seek out the people who are actually successful. Ask them how they achieved the things they did. The things you want. And see if you can apply any of that to your own life.

You can find a billion opinions on the internet, but the people who've actually walked the walk usually have the best advice. Check your friend and social circles for those who are successful, and then call in your friendship favors. Get em to help ya!

laguaguadecarne · 2022-02-11T23:16:17+00:00

You shouldn't lower them, but also you need to put in perspective what are REALISTIC standards vs unrealistic standards.

Let me give you an example of what is realistic vs unrealistic standards. Having realistic standards isn't the same as lowering.

Say, you want a good-looking lady. Don't we all want a good looking partner? We all do! BUT!!! What is your scene? This matters! Second, what NON physical standards are just as important to you as well? Good conversation? Similar values? Higher education?

Okay, let's do a tier list of all these things, but let's start with looks. You don't say what physical attributes you prioritize nor a type you have. But for argument sakes, let me assume your main type is the following: athletic looking tall blondes whose bodies resemble Charlize Theron. Sure, nothing too bad with that. However, you notice these types of women don't normally abound too much in your usual scene: the normal scene of these ladies is usually wine bars and golf clubs (this is an example, not necessarily irl). Also, I don't know you either, but again, for arguments sake let me imagine that your usual scene is the sports and music shows scene. In your scene, the types of ladies are more diverse; they're still lovely looking ladies, but because they are not the tall athletic looking blondes you desire you don't approach them too much.

Okay, here's the deal. You've mentioned already you have a confident issue more than anything else. So, work on this issue... like other people in here had already mentioned. From here, the REAL issue will be working in your confidence and self-esteem.

If you don't have a set physical type other than decent physical shape and a nice defined facial shape, then focus more on values and compatibility.

But never lower your standards!

Gmed66 · 2022-02-13T03:57:28+00:00

Well just be realistic about how you look face wise. Are you average looking face wise? Then go after average looking women.

When I was younger I did fine with women. I attracted girls who were somewhat above average here and there and occasionally pretty ones. I also started to value the personality more too. Then I became a doctor and I'm 30 now. It's still the same as before. I would not try to obtain success and money thinking it's going to somehow change who you can attract.

How do I lower my standards?

Comments

But never lower your standards!

Talk to us as if we were that: people.

Title	How do I lower my standards?
Author	hellyeahmrwhite
Upvotes	4
Comments	20
Date	February 8, 2022 3:31 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/sn9ug2/how_do_i_lower_my_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-lower-my-standards.1100439 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100439