How much should socialization affect behavior?

HaveALittleGrace · 2023-04-20T18:35:28+00:00

Fuck, this is gonna be long too because this is a main gripe of mine with Red Pill.

I was taught to not approach men and to wait for 'my picker' to come to me by my grandparents. My parents were both addicts (even the fosters), and so I really clung to their behaviours as a kid. While I couldn't exactly describe it then, I just knew their success was because of how they were, whereas my addicts had a failure to launch, or succumbed to their addiction and became unsuccessful after a fall from grace. I was a 'pick me' girl.

They met in their 50's and their love story was actually pretty sweet. She was stuck in the rain after the local businesses closed, and he drove up to 'save her'. He fought in Vietnam, and she stayed at home. He retired from the military, and she went on to have a career after the kids left. He'd often whistle crooner music, smoke his cigar, and try to trick everyone badly (we'd know because he did this funny thing with his lips that was his tell).

Until Covid took him, alone in a room, by himself, they held hands in the car. She'd look at him adoringly when they "went to town" together which was a 20-minute drive, he'd start to whistle crooner like usual. I loved that. I emulated it. I became it. I loved their relationship. I cherished my men, even when they hurt me; two inevitably going Red Pill because I started to get mean from the abuse. A dark cloud had swallowed me hole. My light died.

I isolated myself for years. I stopped talking to people, the trauma had me in loops, I was having flashbacks, panic attacks, the works. I then later found out that my other guy friends also went Red Pill and they 'practiced' on me too. My mind broke; nobody even asked. They didn't care about women, so my suffering was my fault. They did that to me because they weren't socialized men. They turned to Red Pill to learn.

My main, and my then second 'mate' would eventually break up. I did a trial separation with my main, and I left my second because he kept making fun of me and not making time for me, but I was expected to be there when they came, so I was until I had driven myself into the ground with forgiveness and patience. One of them sent their friends after me with a cherry-picked victim story; they took everything, even my career, so I would submit.

They made me by default and force, not because of what I wanted. I had nothing left when they were done with me; they even turned my family against me. The smear campaign was brutal and destructive. The police did nothing. I was not considered a domestic abuse victim because it wasn't a crime where I lived. Their influence wasn't a crime, so I was helpless. I had to stay because I couldn't afford not to.

This went on for years. Until word started going around that Red Pill wasn't really all that great, but the damage had been done. The rage I felt was unreal. I've never been like that. They did this because they were not socialized. They bitched about women not being "capable" of love, but then we saw massive amounts of destruction to our worlds. Women started telling their stories. FDS was born, and the rest is history as we watch it.

I went through all that because they trusted a program to 'pick' the girl right. They destroyed my life because they believed that's what they needed to do based on how their dysfunctional thought patterns were at the time. They grew up like this because they weren't socialized and then they never did anything about it until they were adults. They tried to learn as adults and trusted a hate group because they were not socialized.

I get that mental health is being more widely discussed, but over a decade ago when Red Pill swept up millions of men, it wasn't really. A group was founded on ideas of unsocialized men and it attracted other unsocialized men. Then the echo chamber started and turned into an all out war because unsocialized men were teaching other men how to also be unsocialized. I'm sure you can see my point now.

I was socialized to 'be a lady' and ended up being a tomboy with more class than a lot of women (minus my potty mouth), but I was socialized on things that ended up being a detriment to my life. I was taught leaving my man was a sin. Men should be socialized to basically be each other's Yin and Yang, but he wasn't socialized to be a Yang. I was a Yin trying to also be my own Yang, because he didn't want to be my Yang after he 'picked' me.

I do think proper socialization is vital for the success of a person and they would want that for them, but they should also want that to be a good 'mate'. Millions of men pretended to 'pick' us, left after sex, and disappeared because they were taught to. They 'widowed' us using selling a dream, invalidation through dread game, and then discarded us like we were nothing because they were taught to. They abused us because they were taught to.

Then they started calling us 'pick me' girls as if the world they sold to us was now tainted, dirty, and disgusting. We'd longingly wait for him to loop back around to us hoping that love they sold us would also come back around too, because we were trauma bonded by force because they were taught to. It never did. We were neglected, laughed at, and bullied, and thrown away. They'd sleep with other women because they could.

Red Pill men think they're the shit, but they're nothing like the honourable men who would save a girl from the rain, fight in Vietnam, or just be good men too because it's the right thing to do regardless of who taught him. They infect this world and the love in it because they were taught to. They were taught "this is okay to do". That thought was reinforced in them as they aged. They're an embarrassment to relationships.

Follow The Golden Rule, and you will start to shine: https://iep.utm.edu/goldrule/

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2023-04-21T11:48:38+00:00

It is common in conservative cultures outside the western world for men and women to be told not to approach each other. I was raised this way.

baiser_vole · 2023-04-20T18:32:41+00:00

I will begin by saying that socialization does affect behaviour. However, we should not be limited to what we were taught or went through in the past. We are able to have agency and change.

I for one have always approached men ever since high school. I wasn't socialized by my parents to not approach men, but it was looked down upon for women to have too much agency, and we were supposed to act like damsels in distress. Also, it used to be seen as a sign of promiscuity back in the day. I am sure I am missing a couple more things. It has been a while since I've been around very traditional people. This messaging can come from the community and from your family.

What if a man was not socialized to approach women? Well, you can decide whether not approaching women is beneficial to you or not. You decide whether you like the outcome of not doing that or not. If you don't, change. This is about someone wanting to take action or just complain about the outcomes imo. The ones that should change are the ones who don't like the outcomes/consequences of their actions.

I say these things as a person who chose to change for my own happiness in my mid-20's. I would still be a miserable person if I had not.

Intelligent_Expert10 · 2023-04-21T12:52:58+00:00

We learn and mimic/reproduce what we hear from others or what they taught us.

We first learn from ours parents or grandparents depending on with which ones you live when you were younger.

Later, you learn from your friends and professors that have different experiences and views of the world.

It's like you always need to pick a side and it's also based on what you think it's the correct way to follow with the information that you have at the moment. That's why we are always learning.

At last, we learn from books, internet and by socializing and yes, everything affects us and our behavior.

You might acknowledge that your thoughts are "not yours" but you heard them everywhere else, or it was taught to you. That's why some people defend that there's no free will even when you have "2 different choices" but you were already predestined before.

Petyr111 · 2023-04-21T13:16:52+00:00

Socialization affect behaviour, but most times, the behaviour comes from nature and molds socialization. It is a loop.

Petyr111 · 2023-04-21T13:22:30+00:00

"The reason I'm bringing this up, is because I've seen a lot women explain why they don't approach men, by saying they were socialized not to. First of all, I wonder where exactly that came from. Was is their mother? Second of all, what if a man was not socialized to approach women?"

They don't approach because they dont need. They can just be there, anywhere, and they get attention. This means that they don't need to prove themselves, but men should prove themselves because they are the ones approaching. If a man doesn't approach and fight his wars, he gains nothing in life. Men approach because it is a necessity, a survival thing.

Approaching is hard. VERY hard.

Women CAN have the luxury to not approach. And since this whole game is at their favour, they wont make it harder for themselves. So they create these excuses like " they were socialized not to" to keep the status quo. Yeah, so NOW they are defined by society. And here I was thinking that they were strong and brave and didn't let society decide their role or actions.

AutoModerator · 2023-04-20T16:34:11+00:00

Please note that this account has negative karma and may not yet be a trusted commenter for this sub.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	How much should socialization affect behavior?
Author	Electronic-Cicada958
Upvotes	6
Comments	17
Date	April 20, 2023 4:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/12t74lt/how_much_should_socialization_affect_behavior/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-much-should-socialization-affect-behavior.1215101 https://theredarchive.com/post/1215101

Comments