How redpill ruined my life:

I was redpill for 2 years, and it ruined my life. I had that my values as a woman of marriage, children and family were completely ruined. I’m very left leaning in general, I don’t want a too trad man, it’s not my end goal. I am not a full on monk girl, I just want somewhat conservative values but instead I’ve attracted the most exploitative or somewhat weird guys, after redpill. I could’ve easily dated these men, progressed it into a relationship but I had so much second hand embarrassment and humility. All that would come to my mind was potential abuse and exploitation, this is what redpill creates. Those traditional couples these redpill men speak of, they knew eachother for long, they were best friends, they completed eachother. It’s not about having multiple women, that old man down the street pushing his lover in her wheelchair, they weren’t ‘redpilled’. They were love and empathy pilled. All these pills have destroyed my life, I feel like at this point. I shouldn’t even have self respect, but redpill guys will say I’m picky and I should just settle for any guy, who’s giving red flags. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m not settling for a man, who looks at me as his prized virgin, that he can exploit. One guy that was very serious about me, wanted to trap me in his country with a tracker, check my phone and expected 4-6 children out of me, he had money and whatever but that was scary. He said if I gave him dead bedroom, he’d go to a club or bar and get pussy, I had to be consistent everyday. Another guy I spoke to, said he could mold my virginity to his liking, so nothing else would matter. I hid from these men I did oral, apart from my holes, because I knew how they’d treat me after. The western country guy I knew, i was desperate at this time, I wanted a greencard to leave my country/situation. I wanted a better life, I didn’t see him with loving eyes or interest. I was scared and repulsed by him, he also knew my address. He did give me compliments and things, but he also was exploitative to me: I’m trying not to cry writing this, I just wanted basic understanding of who I was. I try to avoid redpill guys now like the bubonic plague, I don’t mind a tiny bit, but if it means they have the mindset of transactional relationship, I have to run. I’m crying so much, I feel like no one understands me and who I am. Last year was when I started meeting guys like this, one redpill guy I met irl.. we weren’t even dating and he was ultra controlling about me. I have no problem letting someone see my phone, I really have nothing to hide. But I told him, we aren’t even dating and you already said I can’t go speak to females, I can’t do this. It was too much, now the redpill spreading to the type of guys I would want, now they’re all crazy blackpill, incel or redpill to the hardcore. This ideology is so dangerous and I’m only realizing it now. I fear for our men. A nice man like Steve Irwin would look down on such a mess, he loved terri irwin. Bindi irwin, 23 with a husband and child. And the redpill tells me terri irwin is alpha widowed because after being married and her husband dying, her not remarrying is alpha widow? She was in love, she loved that man. Steve had an amazing personality, his love and care for animal conservation went a long way. What Steve and terri irwin had is what I want. I wouldn’t remarry either if I had a loyal, caring and sweet husband like Steve. Steve in the eyes of redpill would be a ‘high value man’ because he had money, power, status. But did Steve cheat on Terri? No. I also hate how redpill uses stupid logic of cheating to justify male hormones, using this nonsensical argument of money. Most men aren’t rich, most men shouldn’t aspire for harems. They should aspire for real love, have intimate sex with your partner not multiple people. I also despise the Christian redpillers because they use religion, but it’s rules for thee and not for me mentality, it’s always blame the female for her hormones, blame her for her logic. Yet they are the ones, who break most biblical rule by doing infidelity. God, I wonder what I can do. I’m insecure at the moment to even date in the first place.. I’m working a lot on myself and emotions wise. I’m scared to date, there are so many vultures I find. I could easily get into a relationship but the men I meet, let me down. One guy who I liked that wasn’t redpill, he was the most perfect man. Then he fucked up… I felt so annoyed. So I don’t deal with that anymore. Yes just a rant about why redpill is useless.