Im coming here for help

ThrowJordan · 2021-08-16T04:41:59+00:00

You’re sixteen.

Repeat that to yourself. Let that sink in. You’re sixteen. A lot of people are not having sex (even if they lie that they do) or having full blown functional relationships at sixteen.

You’re doing a lot for yourself with your work ethic, self improvement and so on. You sound like you’ll become a fantastic young man in the future.

Right now I think what’s best to do is to remove yourself from those toxic black pill spaces and insert yourself into mixed gender spaces. A lot of the men I know who have issues with women (be it confidence, self esteem etc) often have a history of not having consistent engagement with women.

You play RPG games? A lot of women play those too. Look into online communities for that or join some on real life. Talking to women semi consistently will remove the halo/exotic effect the red pill and black pill places on them. And talking to women semi consistently is also how you create networks to later form romantic relationships (because women introduce their friends to men they think will be a good fit for them.)

Again, you’re 16. Let that sink in. You have so much ahead of you, and this should not be your priority at the moment.

Red_Trapezoid · 2021-08-16T10:13:49+00:00

You are 16. You are so young and it sounds like you are making real efforts towards self-improvment. I say you need to stop hanging around toxic spaces. Please join r/menslib and hang around there and leave any "pill" communities. I know being a teenager is horrible but you can be on the right track and avoid years of unnecessary pain.

zoemondo · 2021-08-16T05:21:03+00:00

You're not even an adult yet. You're 16.

You need to hear this: teenagers will be total assholes. They can and will be total assholes to both adults and other teens.

This part of your life may totally suck. But you have to get through it.

People are finding relationships and sexual experiences a lot later than previous generations. It it totally okay. Some people find those things as early as jr. High, some find those experiences in high school, some wait until after high school or in college. It is all acceptable and it is all okay.

If anything, it's a smarter idea to wait until you are slightly more mature to engage in anything sexual. It's smarter to wait until you find the right person.

The media and other assholes are going to shove it down your throat that you need to get involved with sex and relationships really young. This only adds toxicity to people's lives. Movies and TV lie and make it look like it is the norm for people to get involved with adult matters as young as early high school.

Just keep working on your health and your weight. Try to come up with some reasonable goals for yourself in life. Worry more about friends and making connections with people. You'll be okay. You'll get through it.

You don't need shitty internet ideologies to rely on, because they only prey on young people such as yourself. Think for yourself.

bishounensupremacy · 2021-08-16T15:39:40+00:00

you might find r/bropill helpful

CitrusyDeodorant · 2021-08-16T17:12:59+00:00

Okay, so I'm old enough to be your parent. Look. 16 is a difficult age, teenagers are a mess (I was one of them, your brain is still developing at that age and it does some pretty weird shit to you), and can be real assholes, but that will pass. That last paragraph though. It's a little worrying. Sounds like you do need therapy, but if you can't afford it right now, this is what you have to do to get the help you need:

unsubscribe from all incel/redpill/blackpill/whateverpill content. Everything that gives you a negative image of the world and yourself in general.
try to participate in positive men's spaces like the bropill subreddit, or Dr. Nerdlove's site.
Keep up the exercise, keep working on yourself. Maybe get a good self-help book for confidence if you can't afford therapy, if only to use it as a band-aid, if that's your thing. If it's the saggy skin you're worried about, you are still young and it might snap back on its own, but if the weight loss was too big and it doesn't, you can get surgery for it later.

Again, about that last paragraph. It's very self-defeating. There's always - always - going to be someone hotter, more built, richer than you. You will never be perfect. Girls aren't perfect either. No one expects that and if you happen to meet someone who does expect you to be perfect, kick them to the curb and find someone who actually has a realistic idea of people.

You can do this. First step is to get away from the negative internet spaces. You will never move on as long as you're a part of them.

BlackVsilver · 2021-08-16T13:26:35+00:00

You have such a self awareness at a young age. Tread carefully and not fall into nihilism. Socialize, self-improvement, you're height stops at 20 so have a healthy diet. Focus on yourself building up value and rewards will come.

twVC1TVglyNs · 2021-08-17T15:55:43+00:00

I'm new to this community. I was never really redpilled and am not all that familiar with the arguments made in the movement. Some of the things I will say are maybe tropes you've heard before for which redpillers have canned replies, but I'm just speaking from my personal experience.

You definitely have some experiences I can relate to. I remember being paralyzed by anxiety around girls I liked, thinking everyone was constantly judging my appearance, and feeling envious of other guys' ease around girls and their more attractive physiques.

Living in a small town can warp your perception of your self-image because the people you interact with all have their personalities influenced by the culture in that small town. I wonder if this could be why you think that your affection for RPGs and fiction are negatives for you. A mutual love of board games was a reason I got with my fiance.

Also, in a small town, you never get to have a "fresh start." One of the turning points in my romantic life was when I moved to a new town. Now I don't think this was because I suddenly changed or because the people were different, but because it gave me a chance to FEEL like I was a new person. It allowed me to present myself to the new people the way I wanted to, with all of the self-improvement I had worked for. I was never thinking, "they know me as a loser. I'll try to be cool, but they'll probably still think I'm a loser." Instead, I thought, "Let me show these people who great I can be."

I can really relate with the idea of wanting to be perfect in every way. I felt this way in high school, through college, and for years after that before I realized I was completely fooling myself. Literally no one is perfect in every way. You will not be the exception. And I'm not trying to say this in a "tough love, get over yourself" kind of way because I am guessng you get enough of that. I'm not saying, "just accept that you're average." I'm saying that it is literally impossible to be perfect in every way. No one is like that. The people who you look at who seem to be perfect in every way are simply not. Even if they think they are and their lives are going great right now, it will not last. It is simply impossible to go your whole life without any troubles or setbacks.

Another thing I noticed in your post (and maybe I'm reading too much into it) is that you were proactively defending yourself from perceived judgements that readers would make about you. You wanted to point out that you only do your hobbies in moderation. You wanted to be clear that you're a really hard worker. This seems in-line with thinking that everyone is always eager to judge you and champing at the bit to invalidate what you're saying or feeling. I can really relate to this feeling (the whole first paragraph of my comment is me doing this same type of thing). It can be really easy to think you are doing yourself a favor with this mindset, and it's not inherently bad, but it's really easy to go overboard and you become your own worst critic, undermining your confidence and self-esteem before you even start speaking. Being kind to yourself isn't just some hippy-dippy feel-good thing that blinds you to who you really are, or whatever I'm sure redpillers say about it. It is essential to be kind to yourself if you want to be confident and happy. You cannot be happy or confident if you're constantly beating yourself up or judging yourself against some unachievable standard.

Also, you mentioned girls "settling" for you. I want to say that I have never in my life heard of a girl even talking about the idea of "settling" for a guy. I'm sure it happens, but I think this is primarily a boogeyman that guys set up in their heads, projecting their own fears onto women.

Finally, after I've written all that, I am kind of thinking that you deserve to have a lot more self-confidence than you seem to have. It's clear from your post that you are aware of and proud of certain qualities of yourself, but when you are in social situation with women, you forget all about these positives and focus on the negatives. There is a technique I know of from therapy to stop this "negative thinking" (you can look up that phrase for more info probably) that is so toxic to your happiness and confidence. Try to notice when you are putting yourself down or feeling bad about yourself and identify that thought. Maybe it's "I cried like a coward." Now, imagine that a younger person who looks up to you was saying that to you. What would you tell them? Then, talk to yourself in the second person as if you were talking to this younger person. You are naturally going to be considerate and loving to this person. You wouldn't tell a kid, "yeah you are a pathetic coward," so you shouldn't tell yourself that either. Redpillers like to pretend that it's "tough love" or that they're snapping you out of some malaise you are in. But you're clearly not in a malaise or unaware of what you perceive to be your faults. This type of tough love is maybe portrayed as useful in action movies, but in the real world, it is essentially useless, especially when your biggest issue is that you already feel like shit. So be nice to yourself, not because you are sticking your head in the sand and ignoring your problems, but because your problem is literally that you are not nice enough to yourself and you are destroying your own self-confidence as a result.

I guess this post was kind of a scattershot since I don't know if any of these arguments will make an impact on you, but I hope at least some of it helped.

Edit: and join r/MensLib !

pertante · 2021-08-18T20:12:42+00:00

Firstly, it sounds like you have done a lot to improve yourself and should keep going, even if it is to simply better yourself. Nothing wrong with trying to take care of you. I say don't shoot for perfect, shoot for better.

For the loose skin, next time you get a physical or talk with your dr, if it is something that will go away on its own.

Are you looking to go to college? If so, there could be more opportunities to meet women, even in ways not so obvious at college and even after.. For instance, you say you like rpgs. I have meet women who love rpgs as well as Magic the Gathering, board games, video games, anime, comics, etc. It will take time but changing your scene helps.

BrownCoatDanCrow · 2021-08-16T08:18:22+00:00

That skin will tighten up.

Those stretch marks will fade.

That reading habit will serve you well.

You will never be perfect and that is what makes you brilliant.

Learn to love your own company.

Your predicament is a common one, i myself have experienced similar feelings, and i can tell you right now that this is all a trap. Your male sexual instincts and need for companionship have been born in to a culture that profits from manipulating this fact.

So what can you do? Pretty much what you are already doing, self improving, but with one small adjustment - do it for you.

You are not a dancing monkey, you do not need to learn tricks so that you may attract someone through which you define your self worth.

You are a mountain my son, an entire mind of dreams, plans, machinations, desires, ideas. It would be a shame to sell short the beauty of your soul, and have it be a commodity in a game of gender relations.

You must accept yourself, you must stop searching for approval, have faith in the process, challenge yourself as you have been and you will become your own man, a great man no doubt, and one that plenty of women (and men) will want to be around.

I will leave you with one little nugget of truth, that kind of betrays my message a little, but i think you need to hear it - many attractive women find ugly confident men attractive. Now im not saying you are ugly, (i am certain in fact that you are not as most people tend to be average) but if you were - it would not matter, it would not deny you this thing you long for.

Do you know any good, stand up men who could support you a bit? I think that would really help you here.

Good luck my man, you got this, i believe in you, somewhere in those books you are reading are wisdoms that can heal your soul.

Feel free to reach out in private messages if you need a chat.

Peace.

Title	Im coming here for help
Author	hellyeahmrwhite
Upvotes	9
Comments	12
Date	August 16, 2021 3:36 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/p586vu/im_coming_here_for_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-coming-here-for-help.982474 https://theredarchive.com/post/982474

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