Is attraction a conscious thing ?

xvszero · 2025-04-17T03:01:18+00:00

Is it conscious? Not in the sense that you can just look at someone and be like ok I will or will not find them physically attractive.

But I don't think it's like, genetic or something either. We get trained on what is and isn't attractive in a million ways from birth. To the point where, for instance, we see a woman with hairy armpits and think it is too "manly" or whatever WHEN WOMEN LITERALLY NATURALLY HAVE HAIRY ARMPITS. Why would we biologically be unattracted to a trait all adult women have? This is clearly socialized into us, but that doesn't mean it isn't "real" either, because people will see that and have a sort of gut reaction based on the socialization.

And it goes without saying but Western beauty standards aren't the only beauty standards. Different cultures have different things that they *generally* find more and less attractive. And then subcultures, individuals, etc. as well.

Plus it's more than just physical attraction. I get attracted to personalities, I get attracted to kindness, nerdiness, punkness, hell I get attracted to someone wearing a cool band shirt, and all of this combines to create my attraction.

becomesharp · 2025-04-17T02:11:14+00:00

Attraction is NOT something people generally consciously choose in the same way that people aren't consciously choosing to be afraid of spiders.

BUT that does not mean that feelings of attraction can't be created or destroyed over time. They absolutely can, and often do.

luridlurker · 2025-04-17T04:22:33+00:00

It's not a choice for me, but I absolutely can explain my reasons for being attracted to (or not attracted to) a person.

In terms of neediness being a turn off - I don't want someone to be into me solely because they're afraid of being alone. I want them to be into me because they see me for who I am and they like what they see.

Desperation/neediness is a red flag for me, so avoiding desperate/needy people is more of a conscious decision than an attraction thing for me.

No-Ad8127 · 2025-04-17T01:24:56+00:00

The only black pill idea I agree with is that no one can negotiate attraction.

You’re either attracted to someone or you’re not. This is supplemented by what they do or say, with looks considered in the mix.

If something comes out of your mouth that’s indicative of anything desperate or negative within the first 5 minutes of anyone meeting you, or you do something that throws them off, your chances of going the distance will drop to zero.

meleyys · 2025-04-17T02:15:18+00:00

Do you choose whom to be attracted to?

OffModelCartoon · 2025-04-17T03:21:43+00:00

Can’t speak for others but no I cannot choose to be attracted to someone. I’m either attracted or I’m not. It isn’t a choice.

Red pill will hear people say this and be like “see? women are ingrained to only be attracted to tall rich guys with certain features! they can’t even control it!”

Ok but notice I did not state what type of qualities I do or do not feel attracted to. Or the fact that it’s not the same for every person. Or that sometimes certain qualities can be attract when coming from one person but not from another person, because human beings are complex tapestries of qualities that all affect each other and impact perception, not a character creation screen with a list of separate stats.

TrainerGuru · 2025-04-17T15:45:49+00:00

I thought I had a "type" in my younger years as a single woman (20s to 30s). I was physically attracted to brown hair, and brown eyes. I wanted him to be my height or taller (I'm 5 foot 4 inches).

As I got older, I became attracted to men who treated me well. I was attracted to men that wanted to make me laugh, cared about how I felt, and listened without judgment.

My advice is to look for and choose someone for their character. I ended up marrying a tall, blond haired, blue eyed, bass player. He's a good man and he's good to me. We are partners. 23 years together. We choose each other every day.

samof1994 · 2025-04-17T13:18:49+00:00

No, not at all. I am clearly straight. My ideal partner would be a Latin woman, but I see women as human beings regardless of race.

Voidspeeker · 2025-04-17T09:31:38+00:00

Attraction is a dual process, like many other mental processes, with unconscious impulses emerging fast and first, later being shaped by conscious reasoning. Initial attraction is predominantly unconscious, driven by evolutionary wiring and implicit biases. Conscious factors—cultural norms, intentional decisions, personal values, and learned experiences—refine these impulses. While people don’t “choose” their initial impulses, they can consciously reinforce or suppress them.

poddy_fries · 2025-04-17T16:36:54+00:00

I feel like you're conflating initial attraction for willingness to pursue and invest into a relationship. You can find someone cute and interesting when you meet them and realize after a few minutes to a few dates that you have no long-term interest in being with them. Neediness is one of those things that can contribute to that.

Bonkersgamergirl · 2025-04-17T14:59:21+00:00

We like Chads

Dingus1210 · 2025-04-17T21:01:09+00:00

No, I do not CHOOSE to be attracted to thick latinas with Daddy issues and drawn on eyebrows. That’s just the plan God had for me I guess.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2025-04-17T02:14:51+00:00

Why would anyone consciously choose to be attracted to anyone? That would be like consciously choosing neediness

Title	Is attraction a conscious thing ?
Author	Tasty-Knowledge5032
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	April 17, 2025 1:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1k10x36/is_attraction_a_conscious_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-attraction-a-conscious-thing.1549830 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549830

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