Is chasing self-improvement a negative experience in itself?

Some_Garbage_4049 · 2021-12-31T14:11:08+00:00

The word you are looking for is suffering. Suffering is one half of the experience of growth and it’s just as important and as necessary as the growth. Some people enjoy the suffering , some people don’t. So for you self-improvement might feel negative, but it is certainly a net positive.

RedPillDetox · 2021-12-31T12:21:37+00:00

Desire without attachment

Itshardtofindanametf · 2021-12-31T13:33:06+00:00

https://markmanson.net/the-point-is-to-stop

I feel you , have a read

AntiVictimhood · 2021-12-31T17:15:31+00:00

Not inherently, no.

The only time I see people have negative experiences with self improvement is through (1) a lack of discipline and the consequent shame that comes from not adhering to one's goals and letting oneself down. Or (2) through comparison to others who have a totally different set of circumstances. If you measure yourself relative to others and only see the gap in achievement, this can be a con. Lastly (3), self improvement can be negative when it's motivated for the wrong reasons. I have a friend who wanted to lose weight and get fit so that his ex would want him back. When that didn't happen, he got resentful, made generalizations about women, and then reverted to his old sedentary lifestyle. His fitness wasn't because he wanted to have more energy, feel more confident, improve his health etc.

If the self improvement is initiated with an expectation of receiving something from others, it can be negative. But in my experience, I always set self improvement goals and the motive is always personal. It is extremely fulfilling when I meet those goals and I can prove to myself that bad patterns can be broken, and that it's not too late to change. I find the pursuit of self improvement inherently fulfilling. And here are some tips to make sure your self improvement goals are fulfilling;

Have a well defined goal. If your goal is to "be fit", this is super vague and arbitrary. Having a tangible goal like I want to squat 3 plates is a lot more tangible and something you can measure your progress towards. Being vague and unable to measure the progress of a goal can lead to the abandonment of that goal (in my experience).
Commit to a goal for a short period of time, and then commit for longer periods of time. Lets say you're addicted to gaming, and you want to quit. Try going 2 days without gaming. Once you reach that goal, try going 3 consecutive days. And work up from that. The dopamine rush that comes from meeting a simple goal can propel you to commit to it for incrementally longer periods of time. Saying "I wont game for a year" when you're used to gaming 8 hours/day is likely to fail.
Commit to a set time to work on that goal/act of self improvement. I wanted to learn French last year. Instead of just having that as a vague goal, it was my goal to practice 30 minutes a day after work. So I finish work at 4, and 4:00-4:30 is French practice. I make the fulfilment of that goal a reasonable habit in my daily routine- something I can commit to consistently.

If you aim low, then it's pretty hard to disappoint yourself. Which is why I find some people criticize self improvement. Or they lack effective and sustainable strategies to achieve something. If you set reasonable but challenging goals and rise to the occasion, then the joy and meaning that comes from achieving those goals and being disciplined outweighs any negative feelings that may arise from forcing yourself to do the thing, or letting go of the bad habit.

What's in our long term best interest can be incompatible with our short term pleasure. Breaking a bad habit can be challenging and stressful, but the long term benefits outweigh the pain of giving up that bad habit. Some people never see the benefits of self improvement because they don't stick with their goal long enough to reap the benefits. They get disillusioned and lose motivation because it's honestly a lot easier to stay stuck in old patterns than to consistently work to outgrow them.

MentalBreakdownBot · 2021-12-31T12:02:23+00:00

Why wouldn’t it be healthy?

Amazing_Wolverine_37 · 2021-12-31T16:04:27+00:00

The use of chase is so interesting in this context.

wellimoff · 2021-12-31T16:32:54+00:00

Depends if it' s related to your self esteem. If you're chasing self improvement because you like the idea of improving yourself then it's probably ok. If you're doing it because you think you are not good enough/lame/bad etc then probably not

UnitedIntroduction48 · 2021-12-31T18:24:09+00:00

It is when it's based on a parasocial relationship. Taking advice from internet marketers, bloggers, or redditors who've never spoken to you or cared about your life before is one of the worst things you can do unless there's a really specific thing you're trying to learn.

In my experience, I've wasted many years and caused more psychological problems listening to people (many people) online tell me what reality is and how I should live my life than I would have just having fun and not caring. If I were to change anything about myself in the past, I would only get help from licensed professionals (therapists, FA's) and people I happen to know in my real life that I actually respect or get no help at all.

Title	Is chasing self-improvement a negative experience in itself?
Author	lightlevelsup
Upvotes	12
Comments	26
Date	December 31, 2021 12:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/rssgck/is_chasing_selfimprovement_a_negative_experience/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-chasing-self-improvement-a-negative-experience.1089782 https://theredarchive.com/post/1089782

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