Should I apologize for ghosting someone when I was still in the red pill mindset?

LadylikeElectricland · 2021-09-09T16:47:24+00:00

I would let it go if I were you. 3-4 dates are not that many and ghosting, while cowardly and rude, is a fairly standard way of saying 'I'm not interested.'

I'm glad that you are saying that you do not want to win her back. So if you really want to message her, dropping her an email or a text message probably won't do too much damage. But if I were her, I'd just be a bit puzzled why this ghost from the past is showing up again and what really are his intentions.

If you meet her again and strike up a conversation, then perhaps that would be the most appropriate time for a brief apology. But I wouldn't force it just because you are feeling kinda bad. It's really not something you should agonise over -- a lot of people ghost and are ghosted.

ZacKaizen · 2021-09-09T18:16:46+00:00

If you ever run into her and/or she brings it up, an apology would be appropriate. However, reaching out to her just to apologize is more for your benefit and not hers.

whatboi67 · 2021-09-10T00:25:15+00:00

In my opinion, it's better to leave her alone. We all fucked up in our lives and it's our responsibility to not repeat those decisions again. I wanted to apologize to the people I hurt in the past but I don't think it would do anything but make myself feel better. If you show up in her life now, it would give her nothing but bad memories. She has moved on, you should do the same. Let it go.

Additional-Sport-836 · 2021-09-09T23:03:08+00:00

You shouldn't contact her at all. TRP really can't keep their advice straight. Telling you to drop women who won't put out, and simultaneously telling you to avoid women with high body counts, is crazy. 🙄

YouWannaStickItWhere · 2021-09-09T16:59:11+00:00

I, personally, am an apologizer and give closure when I can, especially when I have gotten new information, like being part of a disrespectful belief system that you're no longer part of (it's a huge part of all 12-step programs and a lot of religions for good reason). I also think being humble and doing these things is so good for personal growth and you're doing something within your control to redeem yourself for past mistakes. And we ALL make mistakes. This really is going to be one of those deep personal choices that nobody can fully help you with. It's dependent on where your morals and belief system lies.

nebthefool · 2021-09-09T18:08:31+00:00

I would highlight that

hey sorry this isn't working out

Would be a perfectly valid way of putting it without offering friendship. Friendship isn't a consolation prize for not getting a relationship, it's it's own dynamic and I find potential relationships do not typically transition well into a platonic frienship.

You also seem to really regret thinking with your dick as you put it. There's nothing wrong with prioritizing having a sex with someone over developing a bond or relationship with them. It is wrong to prioritize having sex with someone (or prioritize your own sexual pleasure) over their emotional or physical well being, like what TRP frequently advocates.

Basically it's fine to only be interested certain people because you want to have sex with them as long as you make sure you still treat them like people. Probably also best to be upfront about those sort of intentions.

Honestly I don't an apology is really warranted hear, if you want to it's fine(I've made my fair share of unnecessary apologies in my time) but I wouldn't consider it something you have to do.

azucarleta · 2021-09-10T00:09:24+00:00

It sounds like you weren't much of an asshole to her at all, even if you were thinking like an asshole. Like, she maybe didn't get a whiff of that.

I think you can recontact her if you like, especially if you have a burning desire to do so, can't get her out of your head. If a ghost from my past (who had never been a asshole as far as I was aware) suddenly hit me up out of the blue and said "hey how you been? it's been a long time since we talked--sorry. let's fix that! i've been thinking about you recently! would you ever want to hang out again?" I will totally respond if I was interested, the out-of-the-blue is no demerit.

I think finality is old-fashioned, sorta. I've had flings, boyfriends and more come and go from my life, and I didn't always know why they were gone for awhile, you know? Other fuck buddies disappeared for years at a time when they were in a relationship with someone else, and then hit me up when they were single again -- ah, old times, good times! Some of these ghosts from the past are really fun. Never say never to a next chapter. I think this goes along with "hookup culture," quite a bit. You know, people are more accustomed to lovely contacts who come and go from their lives and aren't, you know, on a consistent relationship ladder from one level of commitment to a higher one progressively.

TeVerdesito · 2021-09-10T03:40:11+00:00

Well, women do ghost a lot with not even being part of the red pill mindset lmao

Naus1987 · 2021-09-10T03:58:42+00:00

This is one thing I greatly dislike about red pill, is that somehow people use it to circumvent ethics.

Ethics should run parallel with other social groups, not that other social groups like red pill means people should wholly disregard ethics. That’s exactly the kind of stuff that led to some really evil things in history.

You should always temper every action with an ethical mindset. So with that said, think on what a virtuous person would do — and then do that.

Be ethical. Do ethical things. Don’t blindly follow someone on the internet like a cult.

Explore your own ethics, and figure out what makes an action right or wrong. And then expand that into your life.

Iamthesea95 · 2021-09-10T04:09:18+00:00

Thanks for the input everyone, I think I'm just gonna leave it alone and move on. She has likely done the same.

Shower-karaoke-star · 2021-09-10T16:05:21+00:00

I'm pretty sure you're not the first or last to do that, RP or not

Illdeletethislater26 · 2021-09-10T20:38:06+00:00

apologise, it’s never too late to do the right thing. You don’t have to engage any further if she does not react well

akr3p1 · 2021-09-09T16:34:43+00:00

You thinking too much lol

jaredhasarrived · 2021-09-10T02:49:27+00:00

Do it. Nothing can go wrong

Title	Should I apologize for ghosting someone when I was still in the red pill mindset?
Author	Iamthesea95
Upvotes	21
Comments	22
Date	September 9, 2021 4:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/pl17vl/should_i_apologize_for_ghosting_someone_when_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/should-i-apologize-for-ghosting-someone-when-i-was.1069574 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069574

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