What now?

RedPillDetox · 2021-04-06T19:43:59+00:00

You're seeing this from the perspective that there's some kind of destination or end goal to achieve in life. There is none. This sub is about going back to normalcy instead of becoming some sort of ultimate rockstar that get's laid a lot fantasy that these red pill dudes instill on people. If you want to get laid just invest on your looks and on your lifestyle, etc and then do play the numbers game and see what you can get...

xvszero · 2021-04-06T20:30:07+00:00

I don’t want to get into a LTR because I’m a student and I work out a lot and I’m introvert and I like being alone most of the time don’t my hobbies alone ( not that I’m antisocial). but am I wrong for that? Is that manipulative?

That's not wrong but it's very difficult to pull off in a moral way. You might want to read The Ethical Slut. It's about ethical polyamory but a lot of it would apply here as well. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut

That’s kinda my starting point: live life honestly. But where do I go from here? But that doesn’t make me better with getting results.

Part of being ethical is not being about "getting results" all the time. Oftentimes the right thing to do is not going to benefit you at all. In fact, that is the truest morality, doing good things with no benefit to yourself.

Some aspects of my life sucks like my dating life

What do you actually want though? You talk like you don't want to date, you just want sex. If so, don't try to date. Dating is for people who want more than just sex.

hagakurejunkie · 2021-04-06T23:13:06+00:00

Congratulations, you're a normal human being. Red pill is and always was meant to be a short phase that men went through while they sorted out and tried to make sense as to why the woman in their life left them.

As men, we want to understand our mistakes, we to figure out how to "fix" situations.

In the beginning, we're all angry at our exes, "She cheated on me, she belongs to the streets blah blah blah blah"

Great. But eventually, given enough time, we realize that both you and your ex made mistakes in the relationship. You realize, "Damn, I worked a lot and never really paid any attention to her. I let myself go, I never took her out when I had a day off, instead I sat around and played video games. She was always begging me to go on hikes with her and go to the gym with her and I never did. No wonder she found someone else."

Actual mature men realize that the only thing they can change in the world is themselves so eventually that's what they do. You get back in shape, sort your life out, get some new clothes and start to feel happy again. Then you meet a new woman and hopefully this one goes better than the last.

But you'll never progress if you stay in the "All women are trash" mindset. It doesn't work. Because yes, while some women are trash (like some men), there are a lot of super chill chicks out there who are a lot of fun to hang out with and date.

So what should you do? You should go enjoy your life.

Korvo935115 · 2021-04-06T19:25:37+00:00

Personally, i was friends with most of the girls I’ve dated, it helps build a real relationship without the pressures of dating, my current gf of 2 years and I were friends for a year before we started dating, I wasn’t trying to impress her or woo her, she fell for me because I showed my true self, and that’s something I always advise, sometimes it’s easier to just get to know ppl without the pressures of a romantic relationship. Don’t know if this helps, but it is a waiting game you’re still young, you have time, I wasn’t get laid left and right at 18.

New_Button6598 · 2021-04-07T21:41:23+00:00

It sounds like you are seeking validation from women and that's setting yourself up for failure. I think you would be better off trying to form actual connection (that doesn't have to end up in relationships). I'd suggest you checking out Anthony Recenello, he focuses on forming attraction without any tricks or manipulation and is overall a very good guy. Good luck, I hope you'll find the answers you're looking for.

Nashboy45 · 2021-04-06T21:10:24+00:00

I’d say for a lot of guys a relationship or sex means more than we think it means. The closest word for it is a representation of intimacy or closeness.

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Context

I don’t know you but my thought process was something like this: If there were women constantly flocking to hook up with me but it was always a different girl, would I be happy? Technically, I would have my sexual needs met because there’s always another girl but, at some point, I truly don’t think I’d be happy with that arrangement. it would feel like glorified masturbation. I think this is because sex is kind of the doorway or the primer for something more worthwhile and without that depth of acceptance/connection, it’s just an action that brings relief from the lack of it. Like eating when you’re hungry or sleeping when you’re tired.

That isn’t to say, the solution is to ignore the desire for sex but to realize that it is a part of something more important to you. It’s kind of like getting obsessed about getting a drivers license but not realizing the point of the license is to drive. So instead of practicing driving or focusing on the skills for it, you look online for how to forge a license and where to buy one and how to get other people to gift their license so you can change the info. It’s a lot of effort for a thing that is just the doorway to the point anyway.

So the “live your life” thing means stepping away from making “the license” so much of your life. Trust that you’ll get there when you’re ready to drive and in the mean time focus on the things in your life that you care about or at the very least is related to the “driving.” The driving in this case, is intimacy, closeness, friendship, connection and all of the effort and skills needed to successfully keep someone in your life and grow with them. The reason why living honestly is so powerful is because living honestly is a part of creating trust and hence, connection. There are plenty of other things that can aid you in that goal but it’s far more complicated than you’d think and too much to say in this comment (though I’d be down to PM if you’re interested)

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How This relates to You

Just having sex with someone isn’t gonna keep them around, so it makes sense that you’ve had mixed success. Most women seem to be aware of the “whole picture” on what they want in a guy but not really sure “where to start” in building such a connection. Men seem to have the opposite problem. if you did keep someone around for sex alone, they probably would be the same kind of horrible women the RP guys are scared of. People that are having a transaction instead of a relationship.

This doesn’t mean that you have to change the amount of time you get to be by yourself or your schedule. If relationship aren’t seen as a means to an end, then you can negotiate for your needs and trust that the person will respect those needs as well as stand up for their own. You can make solutions to the difference as you go. You just need to learn how to communicate who you are and what you care about while still being graceful to who other people are and what they care about. The women you want in your life will have no problem giving you space and letting you choose the times when you genuinely want to interact because they’ll care more about you being your genuine self than you doing what they want. As long as they understand you’re needs as well. You just gotta trust that they are out there in abundance.

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Solutions

The real hard part of all this is figuring out “what do I need to feel good in a relationship?” When I say relationship, I don’t even mean a romantic one specifically but simply a connection with someone. If you can’t keep up with what you are and be authentic, people will unintentionally bend you to fit into their life because you didn’t know what you needed or didn’t stand up for it. Once you do figure that out, you have to find the people that fit with that vision for yourself. If you have an “anyone will do” mindset about who you want in your life, then you haven’t dove deep enough into who you are. Not everyone is for you, but if you don’t know what you is then it looks like anyone is for you. You have to be really nuanced and specific about what you’d like and what would work for you.

Lastly, there are some “mechanics” that are less tied to “getting women” and more tied to understanding who men are and who women are. We are different and have different needs and behaviors as a result, but if you really understand those needs, you’d see than men and women are really compatible. We just distort that part of ourselves out of guilt, Fear, and confusion.

2 people that really have a lot of great info on the topic are Dr. John Gray and his books (Specifically I’d say “Beyond Mars and Venus” and “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”) and Coach Corey Wayne (his book “How to be a 3% Man”). They aren’t perfect and they sound really corny at times but if you could bridge the gap in their two approaches you’ll have a gist about the needs you have as a man and the needs women have as women.

I have a couple more insights that could be helpful but this is too long as is but again feel free to pm if you want more.

kigerting · 2021-04-07T02:14:18+00:00

You've said you realize life isn't black-and-white like TRP, but you've laid out a black-or-white choice for yourself. My advice would be to stop reading "tips" and articles about how to relate to women - if you're interested in manipulating a woman to have sex with you, or being dishonest in order to have sex, then you really need to sit back and think about that. Women are people - there aren't cheat codes to dealing with people.

If you're really just interested in sex, get on the apps in your city and say you're interested in hookups - you said you work out a lot and take care of yourself, so you might get some interest. But keep in mind - the idea that all 23 year olds are having random hookup sex all the time is a fiction. Another thing to keep in mind - a lot of people are off the apps/not dating right now. You're one of so so so many in this situation.

Bjay_jw · 2021-04-07T03:19:21+00:00

I mean I dont see why not wanting to be in a LTR at the moment would be wrong. As long as that's what the other person wants too and you're not acting like you want a LTR with them and you don't.

sweetlike314 · 2021-04-09T01:06:33+00:00

There’s a lot to unpack there which other people are addressing. I do want to add that it is OK not to want a LTR at this time in your life if you’re busy. You just have to be honest and up front about it to the women you meet so there’s not lying and manipulation involved. When I was in grad school I wasn’t interested in LTRs but still liked casual dating because it was a fun distraction. It’s ok not to feel like you want to settle down yet. Now you just have to be careful and make sure your desire not to have an LTR isn’t just a coping mechanism because you were hurt in the past. It’s not healthy if pursuing sex is just to fill a void or to prove to yourself that you can use women like they used you. But it is ok if you genuinely just want to meet some cool people, have a little fun and make some memories. Just be honest so you both are on the same page.

Title	What now?
Author	Signal-Ad-8156
Upvotes	18
Comments	19
Date	April 6, 2021 7:18 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/mljfi8/what_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-now.764580 https://theredarchive.com/post/764580

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