What to do when I cannot bother passing shit test?

MelodiousTones · 2022-06-24T13:35:11+00:00

You’ll need to be more specific.

lilycamilly · 2022-06-24T13:37:01+00:00

I think we need more info here. What is she doing? All I can tell you now is if I were in your shoes, I'd sit her down and have a long and honest about her behavior/what's going on. If she can't communicate clearly and maturely with you, I wouldn't stay in the marriage.

2022-06-24T13:39:13+00:00

I'm aware pickup artists will interpret all negative reactions from women as "shit tests", while actual mental health experts understand that there is a large variety of reasons for this. I once watched a video of a pickup artist where he sat down and started saying annoying stuff to a woman to "neg" her, and interpreted her negative reactions to these rude comments and her desire to be left alone and complete lack of interest as "shit tests."

Maybe she is legitimately frustrated, or you actually did something wrong, and it has nothing to do with subconsciously testing you. Maybe when a woman is upset about something, you actually consider her point of view, communicate with her, and find a compromise. Maybe follow the advice of couple's therapists not manosphere dating "gurus".

Naus1987 · 2022-06-24T16:39:45+00:00

Why would a woman who loves and respects you enough to marry you put you through a shit test?

If you guys aren’t in love anymore, then you might as well separate now and get it over with.

If you two do love each other, then call her out on it. Communicate!!! Ask her why she’s being weird and have an adult discussion about it.

The fact that people can get married without knowing how to talk to each other is such a fucked up way of being.

KindlyPizza · 2022-06-24T15:16:23+00:00

Bung, I see your posting history and turned out to be you are from Indonesia like me.

You can see my posting history too and take note on how often I called our country third world shit hole haha. I've escaped to Europe though and life got exponentially easier after.

Many Indonesian (and let's us just call it traditional/conservative) women shit-tests because that is just the part of trad/con toxicity when it gets to relationship. "Jinak-jinak merpati" is one of the earlier thing a mother taughther daughter. Jinak-jinak merpati, the mother of all shit-tests.

You are born vulnerable as a woman, in a society that makes you feel like second class, but strangely also put you on pedestal once you became a wife and a mom? The catch is, if you somehow chose the wrong man, then you are living in hell, because you do not want to be -that- divorced woman. Sure you can be an adult and make your own way and not worried about what people say... No need to be istri and ibu. Or...you can just marry a man with resources, shit-test that man so intenselly and drive him to zombie-zone. In which you'd be winning in life.

A husband that gives you everything and too mentally defeated to argue, and kids that can act as your future retirement carer. If you want a close mental bonding, do it either with your daughter or your son. Make him a mama boy.

Love, barebone feeling honesty, vulnerability and intimacy? That is just a way to get screwed over by a guy. That was what I and many other have been taught. And goddamn it works over there.

Ever seen a nyonya with her sopir and maids and husband that not only buy her a lot of things, but then also carried the bags? Why only have ATM when you can create an ATM-packmule yourself through the power of ultimate brow-beat, born out of years of shit-testing training?

Dude, our society is toxic as hell when it gets to men and women relationships. We just do not see it. I did not see it then, but I moved to a more egalitarian country. Where being wife and mother do not mean extra crowns on a woman's head. Where marriage is not needed. You can just have a kid with someone without getting married to them. Where (and this is the most important): individualism is not being treated like a societal disease.

So if you ask what to do, either you come totally clean and show your wife your Reddit posting history, ask her to read it and see her reaction later. If she still goes the way of shit-test (and remember, this is what she was raised with. And often for her own good), then you know that there is just no getting through to her. If she then somehow more interested to read about how to be in a relationship in a more egaliatarian way, then you two might make it.

Again, jinak-jinak merpati. I needed a -long- time to get that upbringing out of my system.

Btw, my ibu and bapak are married for 3 plus decades now and she still jinak-jinak merpati him.

Impossible-Two4184 · 2022-06-24T12:27:37+00:00

disclaimer: I'm not sure on what pill I am right now, for sure I am on "fuck it, I'm out" pill

Impossible-Two4184 · 2022-06-24T13:57:24+00:00

For context.

We already plan trip to visit my parent which we have not done since pandemic started. The trip is not cheap because we are 500KM away. At the same I am in bit financial pinch because our car broke down and we need replacement.

Yesterday I had bonus from work, but even if I add my entire life saving it's barely enough to afford literally lowest end of used car. I cannot hide my financial distress face anymore.

My wife knowing I just received bonus is nagging me to share the bonus to her. My money is her money she thinks even though she is also working. Already told her it's barely enough to pay-off the car.

Normally I would (1) told her to shut up, or (2) give money to wife and go work with bus for a year or 2. This time I have overwhelming indifference that I did neither and act like I never heard a thing.

I would rather gave her cold shoulder treatment. I know she is crying but I can't muster energy to consol her.

jackedsoon · 2022-06-24T20:25:42+00:00

agree amplify or shut her down

vcreativ · 2022-06-24T20:44:27+00:00

Once you're married to someone that unironically shit-tests you, that's a bit of an issue, I'd say.

I feel the default state should be to disregard any "test" in any case. It's a weird thing to be doing.

I guess the grown up thing would be to talk to her about it.

GoodSilhouette · 2022-06-25T04:11:26+00:00

Have you spoken to your partner direectly about this? "I feel you are ddoing this"

you may come out of it wiser to what she wants and she may come out with understanding your needs and how tired you are. Healthier communication is possiblle

anon018274031 · 2022-06-25T20:06:33+00:00

Why are you so convinced it’s a shit test?

SweelFor- · 2022-06-26T14:25:12+00:00

What the fuck's a shit test

Title	What to do when I cannot bother passing shit test?
Author	Impossible-Two4184
Upvotes	0
Comments	19
Date	June 24, 2022 12:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/vjn9um/what_to_do_when_i_cannot_bother_passing_shit_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-to-do-when-i-cannot-bother-passing-shit-test.1120220 https://theredarchive.com/post/1120220

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