I'm going to tell you about my breakup, and how I realised that men can go to literally ANY extent to get what they want from you until they get bored; and then I'm gonna tell you exactly what to do and what not to do after this shit happens.

So my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me last year because he said he was depressed and suicidal and had to "work on himself" or whatever. Meanwhile we kept having sex and I kept wondering why everything seemed odd. My gut feeling kept telling me, but I was in a really horrible place at the time and didn't have the self worth to just fucking leave him. He kept using depression as a tactic to keep me around, since he knew that I was extremely sensitive to mental health issues. After a period of time he started acting depressed, and then he shut me off. Mind you, I almost left my family for this guy. I kept giving and giving, both material, physical, mental and emotional things for him because I legitimately loved him, and kept thinking that if I stayed around long enough, he would change. Not for me, but for himself. But the only thing that was stagnant was the sex. Then after the breakup he told me that he will never ever date again, I was his last. For one whole year I tried to figure out what the hell was going on, if there's something wrong with me, or if he's a piece of shit, and I kept bouncing back and forth between these thoughts. Until one year later, ie 3 days ago I found out about him- he got a new girlfriend, or is in the process of it. She had commented something sexual under his picture, and it was so clear that they had sexted before. After asking around a few friends, they finally told me the truth that he's been talking to the girl since 2.5 months. They also told me that he used me only for sex, and then fucking got bored. Lied to me about his mental health issues and therapy, and lied to his friends about what exactly happened during the breakup. So you tell me, a dude that pretends to be SO in love that he takes care of me in the beginning, acts like a husband, does everything in his power to protect me and care for me (all of this while having sex obviously), and then lies and treats me like shit to get out of the relationship, plays the victim card, tells me that he felt used after having sex with me, and then ends up finding a girl over the internet that he's talking sexual with and not even 3 full months are gone, what the fuck does this say? I don't think he's even told her about my side, which means he's building another relationship completely on lies. In fact he doesn't even know what happened on my side, the panic attacks and nightmares I've experienced. Anyway, I've lost all respect for him and I have learned some MAJOR stuff to get my self respect back. I'm going to put it down here for everyone. I'm not a professional in this, but this is what's working for me and hopefully, it will work for you too.

Number 1: Do not fucking open tinder. I repeat, DO NOT open tinder. Or any of those dating apps. Some friends give the worst advice at this point and ask you to get into a rebound, but don't do it. It's the shortcut method which is bound to fail. You're going to get caught in another cycle of a situationship when you're already emotionally wrecked. And trust me, 90% of the guys on tinder ONLY want sex, and nothing more. You have to stay away from that cesspool and only concentrate on yourself at this point, because you were not a cheap product of the universe. You hold a lot of value which isn't supposed to be squandered like that. Luckily I got banned from tinder for some reason, and I just stopped using it. It kept pulling me into that wild circle of trying to date guys who only were in it for the sex. Get away from that shit.

Number 2: Always trust your gut feeling. For the ones who have trouble differentiating between an insecurity and a gut feeling- an insecurity mainly makes you question your own character, or a trait, or a body part, basically it makes you question you, whereas a gut feeling makes you question the other person. I'm not asking you to be extremely critical either, your gut feeling will come from your body, it will make you repel from the situation in your mind. Do not ignore that gut feeling. Sometimes in the flow of the moment, things can get really exciting and you might wanna shrug that feeling off, but don't. ALWAYS pay attention to it, because going against it will definitely make you hurt. I had a horrible gut feeling about my ex, but I kept going anyway because I had no self worth.

Number 3: Know your value and then add tax. Just know that you are not expensive, but they can't afford you. There's a reason why Prada, Gucci, Chanel, Dior, etc. have such a high value. It's not for everyone. That quality is luxury and you have to be that quality. In fact, you are that quality. You need to realise it and work on it. There are people who could walk in your Prada store, look around and say "I'm just looking around" but deep inside they know that they cannot afford anything that's in there. Do not sell your product to such people. Let them walk out. The ones who can afford you, be it love or friendship, will afford you. The others can stay as "window shoppers". The ones who say that "I'm not good enough for you". They're right, they're not good enough. Now you walk away. My ex used to say that to me all the time and then be depressed, and my gut told me that it's a huge red flag, and it was. Wish I had walked away.

Number 4: Do something. Anything. Invest your time in building yourself, bit by bit. Start doing things that help you keep busy. No matter how hard that sounds and no matter how broken you feel, only progress in a certain aspect is going to help you heal bit by bit, and there's no shortcut around it. You have to feel good about yourself, and that feeling comes by when you achieve something. The smallest of progress is going to change things for you. And what we call as "hobbies" at this point become life savers. Follow them and rip them to shreds, do something you love. Or find something you love. Remember that you will only attract guys that don't work on themselves to nurture their soul, if you don't find that trait worthy. Find worth in the doing the simplest things, and make that a part of your standards.

Number 5: Keep talking about it. Everyone's got a way of coping with this, but you've to find friends that are ready to listen at most of the times. Who will give you their honest opinion to help you out of it. There will be friends who will make you feel like shit instead of doing any better, and I recommend you stay away from them. Talk to these problems to the friends that will legitimately understand your situation and help you out of it. Friends like that can be life savers and they will help you vent out the terrible feelings whole giving you rational advice every now and then. How to differentiate between a good friend and a bad friend? Your gut feeling will tell you. A bad friend will definitely won't take your problems that seriously, or stick around only when they want to have fun. A good friend however will stick with you through thick and thin, and especially during the dark times. The others will look sweet but give you cavities.

I have a lot more to say, if you like this so far and want to know more, or if this helped you even a little bit, I can make a part 2 of it with more information. As a final bit of advice, I want you to know that it's not your fault. The guy that did you wrong, it's on him. If there's anything such as karma, it will get them. If not, that's not our problem anymore. You only and only look out for yourself now. Find out who you are, set a standard for yourself and do not look back. Let it go, you're so much better without that garbage.