Asking for a friend...really!

2019-10-28T16:02:14+00:00

She should get a job.
She should move out into her own place.
She should start seeing other people.

Five years is enough time for him to propose.

reddituser39682 · 2019-10-28T00:47:47+00:00

She should only stay with him in order to have a place to live until she becomes financially stable. Then dump him and find someone better.

s_slayer · 2019-10-28T01:46:49+00:00

Unfortunately some women have such low self worth that they will take any man who will have them then look for the most basic things to convince themselves they’re lucky (but he stood up for me that one time!) I know a very pretty woman who has been with one horrible man after another, had a baby each with three of them, they have all flirted with me and other women and have zero respect whatsoever for her. Her latest husband is only with her because she’s ten times better looking than he could ever hope to be.

You can’t help people sometimes. They have to go through things that change them, and even then, sometimes they just accept what they’ve created for themselves. She’s really pretty but she is desperate and desperate doesn’t get you high value men. It’s gets you low value men. I could have been married within a year of my divorce, but my standards are too high. My friend is more concerned with being married. She also never became financially independent which is probably a big factor. I gave up on trying to help her because she is completely okay with being treated like dirt. What can you do? I’m not friends with her anymore, was too hard to witness that.

heythere360 · 2019-10-28T01:38:13+00:00

You can’t save someone that doesn’t want to be saved.

cue J Cole

ino_y · 2019-10-28T02:03:18+00:00

She has to reach her own breaking point. That "line in the sand" is in her head, and only she knows it. If it's something like "as long as he doesn't beat me!" she'll be stuck forever.

acidrefluxisgreat · 2019-10-28T06:34:17+00:00

Do you go out with her ever? Not even just out to bars but art shows or music shows... fuck, a book club if that’s your jam.

When I was in a similar position, having my own friends and my own life outside the relationship raised my self confidence levels. He always tried to own me, but didn’t treat me right. He did actually propose soon after my attitude changed, which was like 7 years into the relationship at that point. I ended up staying but postponed the wedding because my career was taking off. In hindsight I think I knew I wouldn’t marry him then, because my confidence wasn’t in the toilet anymore.

He did something unacceptable a couple years later and all I could think was I have my own friends, I make my own money, and this dick is trash. I don’t want to marry this guy. Why am I here? And left.

Empower her, spend time with her, be her friend. Make sure she knows she has a life outside the relationship. I wouldn’t rag on him too much. But if she asks you should be honest that it is not right. I wish I hadn’t wasted 10 years of my life that way but i learned my lesson.

rainisthelife · 2019-10-28T09:03:36+00:00

While you could go down the “welp, she chose her life, can’t save her” route, I suspect the reason you bothered to create an account is because you really wanted to help your friend and were hoping there was something you could actively do to help.

My advice to you would be to tell her to start seeing other people. She doesn’t have to be initially excited about them, she just has to go on dates with them, at least to dip her toes into what else is out there. Because the problem with a lot of people that remain in toxic relationships is that they think their current relationship is all they have and all they can get. They’ve been in it so long, that’s all they can ever imagine being in, plus it hurts to think about throwing it all away after all the investment and time you’ve put into it.

Going on dates with other men will do a few things for her:

1.) Expose her to a world of other potential options and remind her of those options.

2.) Temporarily distract her from the stress of her current relationship and allow herself to be pampered with attention and adoration with a new guy(s) she’s seeing. And allow a space for her to start thinking clearly and re-evaluate her current partner choice.

3.) Make her less available to this current manchild that has obviously been taking her for granted. This will incite some low level dread in him and make him feel like he has to work harder for her time and her effort. Even the nagging about chores that she’s doing is giving him too much attention. When a woman that used to care about everything you do, no longer seems to care (even about the negative stuff), they start to get worried.

Now, it goes without saying, that she should obviously not tell her boyfriend about what she’s doing. She should continue to keep up her attractive appearance, continue with her job search. Cut back on the amount of chores she’s doing at home and cut back on the attention (nagging) about chores that she’s giving him.

Wish her all the best!

nutshit · 2019-10-28T02:13:05+00:00

All you can do is lead by example. Let her see how your man treats you and drop comments here and there about what he’s done for you recently. It’s hard to get our friends to change the only thing that could motivate her is watching you have something beautiful and healthy. It’ll click for her soon

irrelephantphotons · 2019-10-28T05:58:14+00:00

My opinion is that you just have to point out your own good things to her that she's not getting from her man and let her figure it out on her own. Like "my husband brought me breakfast in bed this morning" kind of stuff that you know her man won't do, and go on about how wonderful this is. She'll get it eventually. Or she won't. Some people don't know how to accept love that isn't abusive. Hopefully she will see the light.

Title	Asking for a friend...really!
Author	SaltCupcake
Upvotes	0
Comments	18
Date	October 28, 2019 12:41 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/do1oil/asking_for_a_friendreally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/asking-for-a-friendreally.689308 https://theredarchive.com/post/689308

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