BDSM IS ABUSE

_Atalanta_ · 2020-09-07T19:39:12+00:00

Something I got from ‘The Rules’ books is that it is not just preferable to be with a man who earnestly adores you, but essential for your safety. Can’t quite explain how I got this feeling from reading it, but I do think women are in danger of being hurt or abused if they get into relationships with men who don’t really have a high regard for them.

You make yourself physically vulnerable when you become intimate with a man, and the only way to be sure he will protect you and refrain from aggression or violence is for him to have proved he views you as precious and almost magical✨

_Atalanta_ · 2020-09-07T19:17:41+00:00

It’s abuse but w extra gaslighting

Applegooglepear · 2020-09-07T19:34:13+00:00

There's been a few times girls have tried to argue me on this.

"You don't like having your hair pulled ?! . Omg you're missing out "

Missing out on what exactly ?

You've got to be dumb as fuck if you think I'm going to allow anyone to pull my hair or anything else for that matter.

I don't even allow "men" to touch my head at any point not just sexual if your hands are coming anywhere near my face I will block the fuck out of you.

It's a huge boundary for me

Throoooowawayyyyy55 · 2020-09-07T22:10:49+00:00

Let me add that "submissive" men are just as demented. I knew a younger man who started obsessing over me after we went out on a date because he was a sub and had weird fetishes. I wear a lot of tall leather boots, which in his porn brain he took to mean I would be interested in receiving a slew of perverted messages asking me to punish him, make him obey me and let him lick my boots while he jerked off.

Layla-bg · 2020-09-07T20:00:08+00:00

I agree, men who like to dominate, usually want a legal way to abuse.

Trauma sometimes expands in all areas of life, including sexual preferance. However, the people who are into BDSM have serious issues, that they dont want to work on or dont realize they have. It’s easier for the mind and the subconcious to mask the traumas in some way. I have met men who like to “dominate”, not because they have issues but simply they want someone to abuse (at some point at life I was lurking into BDSM forums and the horrors I’ve seen....) Don’t get me wrong, I do not justify aggression. Extremes are not healthy.

snooklepookle_ · 2020-09-08T10:40:48+00:00

I used to be into bdsm/kinky shit. Or so I thought.

I honestly think I was addicted to the contrast and the "high", if he treats you like absolute garbage then when he does the bare minimum it feels like absolute elation and love. It's terrifying, I think it's exactly the same feeling as self-harm and incredibly dangerous to normalize. Even looking back on my mental health history, therapists are always surprised I've never self-harmed but I'm having a breakthrough that sex WAS my self-harm. It's no different than cutting yourself to feel a head rush, it's absolutely horrifying.

babysoymilk · 2020-09-08T00:19:42+00:00

I used to think I was kinky and wholeheartedly believed I couldn't like sex without being submissive. Even when I had my first intercourse, I wanted the guy to choke me (he was very uncomfortable with it, which blew my mind. I thought he was lame.) I was heavily influenced by sex positive Tumblr feminism at the time.

Over the years I've realised that 1) "kinky" sex fills me with shame and regret (as in, looking back I'm embarrassed about the things I wanted or agreed to and I wish I had refused) 2) all men who engage in BDSM have some sort of derangement 3) being bored with and rejecting the idea of "vanilla" sex probably stems from sexual trauma, which I want to work on with a therapist again.

I think it's no coincidence that so many submissive women have a mental illness. I only have anecdotal evidence for this right now, but I see a pattern. BDSM scrotes and kinkmeishas like to claim that rather than being re-traumatising to be "dominated" and hurt, it's liberating for sexual abuse survivors to "choose" to be abused. Ugh. I have a lot of feelings about this.

Anyway, I will never engage in "kinks" again. They are normalised abuse. Plus I feel like if you love someone, you don't want to hurt them. How can anyone look at the person they allegedly love and have a desire to hit them and choke them until they pass out? That's not love or mutual respect.

NottodayScrote · 2020-09-07T21:25:50+00:00

Almost every guy I knew into BDSM was a submissive type. Idk Something about that just turns me off. But I also assume doms are all psychotic.

2020-09-08T04:45:35+00:00

Submissive to me = the way an abused woman acts. When they do not leave, cannot speak up, defend their abuser, justify the abuse in their own minds. Depending on how extreme it is, BDSM can actually work like a physical assault. You can become actually submissive in personality to your sexual abuser. I know some women think it is all fun and games but the mentality of a sub is actually the same mentality of an abuse victim if the other partner actually sexually abuses you properly.

chateauduchat · 2020-09-07T22:17:56+00:00

Man I was wondering why I was getting so dry about BDSM daddy/daughter shit. Men who are into that sort of thing are ALWAYS CONTROLLING AND ABUSIVE. They don’t turn off the switch out of bed. It really carries on into the relationship. Looking back at it now, I feel disgusted. Almost entirely repulsed by sex.

Fullofsurprisess · 2020-09-07T19:33:22+00:00

I enjoy rough sex. But choking and any type of physical abuse is not normal. At lest to me.

2020-09-08T01:01:23+00:00

This exact topic is the reason I was banned from r/blatanttmisogyny the mods over there were militant about not being able to talk about sex and violence. I was banned after telling the nod that we need to talk about and her response "I'm KiNkY Af DoN't PolIcE My VaGiNa!". I hope that mod gets therapy.

asteria2002 · 2020-09-07T21:18:26+00:00

[removed]

Title	BDSM IS ABUSE
Author	asteria2002
Upvotes	136
Comments	31
Date	September 7, 2020 4:51 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iob461/bdsm_is_abuse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/bdsm-is-abuse.212312 https://theredarchive.com/post/212312

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