BDSM is disgusting

ino_y · 2019-11-07T16:56:43+00:00

Also, what the fuck is this new trend of getting away with murder by calling it rough sex???

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/man-kills-woman-sadomasochistic-sex-stabbing-neck-jail-jason-gaskell-laura-huteson-sheffield-a8486421.html

https://metro.co.uk/2019/11/03/man-charged-woman-19-dies-rough-sex-party-11033741/

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/millionaire-murdered-girlfriend-after-losing-13595610

Going full paranoid mode and texting a dude 14 times "I do not consent to rough sex, choking, hitting, biting, slapping, restraints, OR BEING MURDERED"

m4dam3x · 2019-11-07T18:10:46+00:00

I am beginning to recognize that my proclivity for being sexually dominated and sexual “consent non consent” type scenarios is rooted in the fucked up traumas of my childhood. That coupled with the fact that I was raped as a teenager, never told anyone, and was shortly after taken advantage of in a cruel sexual seduction by a much older man at my place of work.

All of that unhealed trauma compounded to destroy my sense of self worth and sexual value. Paradoxically I think that’s why I can experience release so easily when being violently dominated and I crave it. Psychologically it’s like “he is using me like the piece of shit I am, my will doesn’t matter, feel pleasure so it doesn’t hurt anymore and he won’t have the power.” Boom, orgasm! That is so unhealthy. It deepens the wound and made me associate pleasure with this toxic mindset of devaluing myself. That’s why anyone involved in this type of “play“ knows about “aftercare“ because the psychological effects of this type of dynamic are intense and destructive. Also, I would actively be turned off by a man who showed genuine care and nurturing without the abusive tendencies.

I agree that this is dangerous territory. It’s not about kink shaming, it’s more about promoting self actualization. It “feels good” to do a lot of things that are detrimental to your health - drugs and alcohol are a form of masochism and they ruin lives every single day. BDSM also has a huge cult following so people can project onto each other the normalcy of these unbalanced ”pleasures” and hide from the hard work of ever needing to heal. There are a lot of very sick people in the BDSM community that are protected by the term “kinks” and have an endless supply of “willing” victims.

I urge those reading and reacting negatively to this post to challenge themselves. Objectively consider that masochism and sadism are not for “play” and pose serious psychological and real-life consequences. I do believe that it is a delusion and my “kinks” have had a negative effect upon my quality of life. I’m happy to be waking up from this although it has taken me almost 15 years.

Ms_Tilly · 2019-11-07T16:57:56+00:00

I don't date people with weird kinks. I don't have any and I don't want to perform any. I also don't date guys that constantly hint at anal or won't stop trying to give me rim jobs. I don't like it. I don't want it. They can find someone who's into that shit because I'm not going to be made to feel bad because these are things I am 100% NOT into. Luckily for me I don't run into these guys often. Maybe it's because of how picky I am.

fckuupieceofsht · 2019-11-07T21:25:13+00:00

This guy had me whisper in his ear and wanted me to pretend to be a 6 year old.

He knew I was raped as a kid.

And yet he still said that disgusting shit to me.

What the fuck is wrong with these men?!

There's been so many other instances as well, but this one was the absolute worst of it.

alluringjustice · 2019-11-07T16:49:36+00:00

https://theviolenceofpornography.blogspot.com/

This is a really great (and horrifying) page that goes into detail about how harmful the ever increasing brutalization of mainstream porn is for women. I needed like two bottles of wine to get through 3 posts because it's honestly the first time I've properly stopped to think about how fucked up it all is. Portraying rape, violence, mutilation, coercion, incest porn and girls who look like they're 12 getting their 'innocence destroyed' by Daddy (swoon!)

And as if this isn't already mentally damaging enough for people to see, the fucking cherry on top is the women in porn who "love it!" Who moan and beg for it and are so grateful that they get to be a part of this. Who after being beaten, degraded, shamed, abused and just violated in every fucking way get down on their knees pleading for this God of a Man's Semen and then thank him with a fucking smile on their face.

People are being raised with this as their sex education and it's getting worse at such a rapid rate that by this point I'm just waiting on a epidemic of women dying trying to appease these men by doing what is mainstream and what 'everyone is doing'.

I'm sure that some people honestly do have a 'kink' for some of these acts. And I don't believe in shaming them, I believe in recognizing that as a sign of some deep trauma and unresolved issues that they should work on. If your kink is for your partner to beat you up and insult you while engaging in the most intimate act you can do with another person - you have some issues to work through!! Get some help!!

Winter_Inevitable · 2019-11-07T17:24:33+00:00

I dated a "kinky" guy and sex with him was soooo obnoxious. It was like a 3-hour dog and pony show of ridiculousness. Call me unadventurous, but if we aren't done in an hour from start to finish, hell naw.

RadFriends · 2019-11-07T17:10:29+00:00

Just wanna chime in and say that it’s not choking, it’s strangling

riseaboveagain · 2019-11-07T16:15:20+00:00

Totally with you. It’s degrading and disrespectful. Have no idea why a woman would want this.

On most other subreddits, you’ll get pounded into oblivion for saying something like this, because kink shaming, waaaaah! So, thank you.

PrincessPxl · 2019-11-07T16:42:38+00:00

Anal sex is not BDSM; at all.

I don’t disagree that some extremes I don’t understand the point of.

But anal isn’t BDSM

Inez_Honeyfox · 2019-11-07T19:46:01+00:00

I’m curious what the opinions are on Dominatrix’s. Men pay them to be given a variety of classic BDSM services that all revolve around worshipping her. There’s no sex involved. Mostly it’s about hurting or humiliating the paying male involved. But it’s 100% BDSM. Thoughts?

greenteaapplepie69 · 2019-11-07T21:42:13+00:00

THIS, there’s no way women actually enjoy this. Why the fuck would anyone enjoy this?

jelly_bean_1990 · 2019-11-07T16:35:27+00:00

I completely disagree.

BDSM can actually be very healing for someone with prior trauma in a SAFE AND CONSENSUAL manner. Please dont kink shame. We all have our reasons for liking what we like. What we do in the bedroom and how we behave outside of it can be very different.

LongMom · 2019-11-07T17:31:38+00:00

Just curious - have you ever been to sex club? Have you ever talked to women who are into BDSM?

I have, so while I'm not into it, I find it hard to shame others for being different than I am.

Title	BDSM is disgusting
Author	TheMarbleSlab
Upvotes	0
Comments	57
Date	November 7, 2019 4:10 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dszuft/bdsm_is_disgusting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/bdsm-is-disgusting.688750 https://theredarchive.com/post/688750

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