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[–]UpbeatIncubatorFDS Newbie200 points201 points202 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
When it comes to stuff life this, have a real think about who the intended viewer is. This isn't a thought, this is a public broadcast. On the surface it seems like it's meant to be directed at other women but it is 100000% meant to be seen by men and in the process appeasing them. For the pickmeisha, the whole life experience is seen through the narrow lens of male approval. It is so utterly fucked.
[–]LadyGrimesFDS Disciple74 points75 points76 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That's exactly what it is. This young lady craves validation from men.
[–]UpbeatIncubatorFDS Newbie73 points74 points75 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
To think women have died defending her right to have an opinion in the first place. Nice way to take a massive dump on the sisterhood. Classy.
[–]LadyGrimesFDS Disciple24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No doubt.
[–]EveningFiresFDS Apprentice91 points92 points93 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Am Desi.
I’m tempted to save this post so that I remember to never do this ever. Sometimes, the broader cultural misogyny is so engrained...it’s obscene. If I start talking about it, I’ll be here for a long time.
[–]UpbeatIncubatorFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Please, talk about it if you have the time to here. I for one really want to hear your opinions and how you feel about this.
[–]EveningFiresFDS Apprentice97 points98 points99 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Fuck. Where to even begin.
I am of Indian origin, so my short list above reflects that. I don’t have much more time, so maybe one day, we could start a thread of ”Common Desi Cultural Misogyny” so that many Desi women can contribute and come up with a master list of Desi-specific red flags.
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Don't forget,
Problems during the birth and you can't deal with his sexual needs? Your fault, you shouldn't have had an awkward birth in the first place.
It saddens me at how stories I've read where women have scumbags of husbands but they can't do anything because they're reliant on them.
Edit- There's this fairly well known Indian woman here in Britain whose campaigned against forced marriages and has a charity to deal with it. She did a Ted talk and she mentioned how her sister set herself on fire because she was being beaten up everyday by her husband. Her family had the audacity to say, "Better she killed herself than get divorced, that'd have brought shame on the family."
Edit 2- Also please make a thread called that.
[–]EveningFiresFDS Apprentice21 points22 points23 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How heinous of that poor woman’s family 😥 Someone was willing to immolate themselves to escape their life’s circumstances and they were more worried about social shame? Utterly, utterly heinous.
See, I’m grateful that my family members, especially the women, have always been very supportive of me. The only thing I can really fault them on is that they have this cultural Stockholm Syndrome where it seems they cannot envision men behaving fairly at all, but, and let’s say for argument’s sake that’s true, simultaneously can’t believe women have alternatives. Which, honestly, I get where it comes from: it’s tough to deviate from the overwhelming majority of your life’s experiences and cultural conditioning. I couldn’t have done it without a heaping dose of feminism.
Funnily enough, I’ve been seeing some peaking re: male toxicity from my mother and aunts during the quarantine. I think there might be some hope for them, yet....
[–]Knackered_HubcapsFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! Jasvinder Sanghera CBE of Karma Nirvana She’s courageous. UK members, the helplines are open Monday to Friday.
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Speaking as a half Indian, EveningFires pretty much hit everything on the head. I cut my family off a long time ago because I didn't agree with what they thought of women but this are some things my Indian grandfather and my family did:
- He raped my grandmother multiple times because he felt entitled to it and he cheated on her because after she had cancer, when she recovered all she wanted to do was sleep (understandably). Even after she recovered she was doing all the housework and he still found ways to insult her.
- One of my uncles had a wife who was a professor and she married because she was promised she could still keep her career. They now live with my grandparents and she's so unhappy because he banned her from working. When she tried to go to her family about it they were basically like, "They're your parents now, respect them."
- I basically got told that if I was going to leave home to study I'd have to do it all myself even if it meant doing it through prostitution. Meanwhile my brother got offered a couple of grand in support.
- My grandmother and the daughter in laws aren't allowed to go out unaccompanied
- The general rule in our family is the parents choose the husband for you and they pressure you if you say no. One of my cousins was disowned for marrying a Jewish boy from America.
I couldn't live in that kind of environment and I'm glad I cut it off. It's put me off Indian men too (not saying all of them are the same) but so many of them have been coddled their whole lives and it makes me sick.
[–]LadyGrimesFDS Disciple64 points65 points66 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Do we dare tell her the truth about men's "respect" for her?
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Ironic how she's saying that men respect her even though India's one of the worst places to be a woman.
[–]LadyGrimesFDS Disciple13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I guess harassment and assault are empowering over there?/s
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And 99% of the time it's somehow the girl's fault. You could never convince me to live there again.
[–]LadyGrimesFDS Disciple16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Doesn't even sound worth visiting either. Would be nice if there was a female only country.
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's funny because I remember I used to get insulted by my family members for being too Westernised even though people are desperate to come to the West.
[–]husheveryoneFDS Apprentice112 points113 points114 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Desi women are encouraged to have strong careers but still do absolutely everything at home, and wait hand and foot on their husband. I see this 24/7/365 in typical marriages between two young Desi US professionals. He lives like a king at home, even if she is a cardiologist making bank relative to him.
These posts reflect the overall unspoken mindset that gets women into these lopsided but culturally-promoted unions: the marital property is actually his, and they feel like feminism does not speak for their pickme family culture, which is more like total redpill GOP women.
[–]NUTELLALOVER97FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
im a desi and this is y im so turned off by relationshipss.Id rather just be single and be my true authentic life tham cater too some dudee. WHOS GOT TIME FOR THATT BULLSHIT
[–]ParticularMonth0FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Lib fems will blather “it’s hateful to criticize their culture.” That’s why we need Desi-led feminism for the women of India.
[–]ElelavrieFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Liberals in general have a hard-on for "eastern mysticism ", I suppose Hinduism and Buddhism. As long as it isn't Western/Christian/Judaism, it's fascinating and must be respected at all costs.
I have yet to see how eastern religions accord women any more respect or privileges.
[–]ParticularMonth0FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Almost no religion anywhere affords women status. There are a few exceptions, like the very liberal Christian denominations, Baha’i, Reform Judaism, some Native American traditions, etc.
Mainstream religion reflects mainstream culture, which is global male supremacy.
[–]godisalcoholic24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm sooo tired of this. literally all of my friends share these "quotes" in their insta stories.
[–]appleadam123FDS Newbie[S] 17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same , i got these from my friends igs.
[–]EarthFathersFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Desi women end up with this mindset because their mothers teach them this from a young age. When I was a teen my mum would constantly be on my case about cooking and doing chores around the house. She asked me ‘how will you feed your husband and children if you can’t cook?’
I responded with ‘Why do I need to feed my husband? I didn’t carry him in my womb that I am obligated to provide for him.’
Seriously ridiculous how desi mothers treat men like they are children whose arses constantly need to be wiped.
Even worse when you go through the arranged marriage route. In arranged marriages the majority of men are looking for obedient wives who will allow their selves to be bullied by their mother in laws.
[–]RadarFemefFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh sweetie... he's using your BODY as his playground and baby machine. He uses your time and mental load to govern his house and be his maid, cook, personal assistant, social secretary, nurse, nanny, and laundry service. Can you say "internalized misogyny" or maybe just "blind to reality"???
[–]blackredrosepetalsFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ew
[–]SreshmeFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I say these are posts made by men mocking women in general. But women share them as well! I am desi as well 😊
[–]appleadam123FDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I found them on my friends igs so..
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
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[–]iamjustventingFDS Apprentice16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
So, I cannot use half of his stuff, but I can spend the vast majority of my time birthing and taking care of his children, cleaning the home, doing the emotional labor for family, supporting and moving for his career, all the while having my own career? GTFO! Once the gender imbalance becomes more balanced, I will take arguments like this more seriously. But I am so tired of feminism meaning more work for women. I will gladly use half a man's shit because chances are, I am doing more than he is in almost every aspect of my life. I can't assume half his shit is mine, but he can assume 90% of the unpaid labor is mine? Girl bye! Wrong sub for that crap
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]iamjustventingFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I am gonna assume your comment is satire, but I am so tired of this line of thinking. Like, expecting financial commitment/investment is wrong and unfeminist, but yet no one ever addresses how screwed over women usually are in relationships. Using HIS things is fine because if you are married, he is also using YOUR things. On top of that, oftentimes men use YOUR labor.
When the risks women face are mitigated (rape, abuse, revenge porn, being used for sex, etc), and the status quo isn't unequal labor (childcare, family, emotional labor, etc), and women do no sacrifice the most (carrying and giving birth to children, sacrificing careers/time at work, etc.) then a conversation about using half of a man's things being unfeminist makes sense. But until then, dating, marriage, child-rearing, and commitment are in the favor of men. So yes, I will gladly as a feminist take half his shit.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]iamjustventingFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Using his name, power, reputation, credit cards, but he's using your body, heart, time, womb, energy. It reminds me how people will demonize a gold digger, but not the man using her. I am not taking it out on you, just calling out bad logic.
[–]ParticularMonth0FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is not a pickmeisha sub where you get to shame women.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ParticularMonth0FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok, you need to read the handbook. It states our ideas.
We take into consideration the fact that men use women sexually, emotionally, and for reproductive and domestic labor. Given that women are generally no longer financially supported by men (and paying half or more of expenses, and liable for child support now), men are the ones doing the gold-digging. It would cost a man a fortune to hire out the services he gets from his wife/girlfriend. Thus your comment about the evils of a woman using a man’s credit cards is tone deaf.
We’re trying to be a balance against male dominated society.
[–]DaneShookFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The lowercased “I” says a lot.
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[–]UpbeatIncubatorFDS Newbie200 points201 points202 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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