Does anyone have any tips for not sleeping with someone you REALLY shouldn't but who is hard to avoid and you have a massive crush on? E.g. a coworker?

jackrusselterror1 · 2020-05-19T23:15:51+00:00

Realizing that you’re crushing on a version of him who only exists in your fantasies. Unless you’ve actually dated the guy, you don’t know how he treats his partners, if he’s actually good in bed, what he looks like naked, if you’re actually compatible, etc. The version of him you built up in your own mind is almost certainly better than the real guy because it’s fantasy.

If he’s your coworker, focus on your work and other coworkers. Try to get to know other people in your office. Write down what you love about your job and what you’d be risking for an office dick. Keep busy.

Always remember that dick is plentiful and low value, so don’t get hung up on a particular guy especially if you’re not even dating. We’re the prize so don’t put the penis on a pedestal and don’t chase it. You should only start to get attached once a guy you’re dating has proven himself over time consistently. If he doesn’t make his interest obvious and chase you, he’s not into you, and he’ll hold the power in the relationship by being the less interested party, so even if this guy wasn’t your coworker I’d caution you not to bother. I’m not saying you can’t be attracted or into men (the opposite, never date anyone you aren’t attracted to, never settle, keep your standards high, and know you’re worth the best because you are) just don’t be the one who’s invested more emotionally or otherwise, and don’t be obvious about your attraction to him or he’ll get lazy because he thinks you’re a sure thing.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-05-19T23:08:53+00:00

Don’t get your dick where you get your paycheck. Keep repeating that to yourself.

typicalpersian · 2020-05-19T22:33:02+00:00

The alternative is torpedoing your current professional and/or social life so... better not

eden_else · 2020-05-19T23:15:21+00:00

Yeah, don't.

passionatevirtuoso · 2020-05-20T02:11:02+00:00

The fastest way to lose attraction to somekne is to make fun of their physical features (inside your head or with a trusted friend who knows this is purely therapeutic and it is not meant to ever be widely shared!!!)

Eg. I dated a guy six years older than me. We were very serious. He had a baby face but sometimes he DID look awkardly older (because I also look a lot younger than my real age). After the breakup (he was cruel about it) I still pined for him.

After journaling, all the self care stuff and introspection, even!

Then one day, my friend started calling him Grandpa. I was taken aback - I am not in the habit of making fun of people I had dated... But I caught on. Something clicked. I knew I could trust her not to be actually mean and show him or anyone else anything we wrote so...

We started trading a few photos where he looked quite old. We privately made fun of his wrinkles, how terrible his style was, how much hotter I was blah blah just being completely superficial meanies. His growth of his Grandpa Pot Belly. How it looked like he was dating his granddaughter when we were together.

It. Really. Worked. It killed every bit of attraction I had for him.

Do it in private so you can be utterly vicious without actually hurting someone. The goal IS NEVER ever to let this get out. (No one deserves to be bullied.)

Pick a weird ass physical feature (personality traits are too easily rationalizable as 'quirky').

Plus we are just trying to kill your attraction, not actually hate the guy.

For example:

He has small teeth and big gums? He is now Gummy Bear, not Darren, in your head.

He is balding? He is now Mr. Polished Pate and your daily catch-up phrase is, "I wonder if his one strand of hair is growing? Good luck little hair!"

Even Brad Pitt has a weird feature here and there - his mouth does this strange thing when he concentrates.

Find some dumb physical thing. If you can't figure it out, enlist the help of a friend. With your closest friend, think of the pettiest, silliest jokes, nicknames or catchphrases and make fun of it.

Good luck, sis.

HottPinkSlug · 2020-05-19T22:39:04+00:00

[deleted]

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-05-20T08:06:12+00:00

Someone on another thread suggested picturing him doing something super gross, like going to the bathroom or something. Then think about it a lot. Works for me.

randomgirlimok · 2020-05-20T05:02:16+00:00

Do not get with someone you work with! What if he ends up spreading rumors about you? Is that worth your job?

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-05-20T03:46:12+00:00

Good grief if it's that hard on you get a new job...

ChocoBananza · 2020-05-20T09:00:38+00:00

Girl, we’re gonna need more details... is he single? what do you do? What does he do? Is he your superior? Does he have a more senior role, but he’s not your direct superior? Is there a ‘no dating’ policy at your company? Is there an age difference between you?

I’m asking about this because I’m tired of that ‘don’t shit where you eat’ narrative. It’s a good narrative, but not really. I’ll try to explain, please bear with me:

In today’s day and age, there are more ways and opportunities than ever to chose your significant other. But let’s take a look at those ways. OLD? Sis please, we all know what’s in there. Meeting someone in a bar/club? The chances are he’s playing a numbers game and he can fake being a decent human until he gets what he wants and than he can bail. Or continue wasting your time, which is worse. Only thing that’s left is meeting someone through a hobby, or ‘friend of a friend’ kind of thing, and that might not give any results. What’s left is work environment.

Most of us are spending biggest chunk of our free time at work, in the office. Work is a place where you’re surrounded with (mostly) young people that have same (similar) level of education as you, and have same career goals as you. Also, you chose to work in that field for a reason, so some starting point exists. Since you’re working close by, you have PLENTY of time to veto him. You get to see him in a lot of different situations, and it’s easy to weed out losers and predators like that.

My own example: I had a crush on the guy from Another department. Mind you, I’m taken, so I wouldn’t do anything, but I like to keep my options open. Anyway, we began talking a bit more, (long story short) he’s perfect, and everybody’s saying nice things about him. Cue me chatting with another coworker, slyly asking about him ‘Oh him? Yeah, he’s a great guy. Loving husband and father. Hard worker. Why d’ya ask?’ Erm, no reason. After that, our communication was strictly professional.

What I’m trying to say, if you really, but I mean really think he’s HVM, you should go for it. If you have doubts, than there’s something wrong with him, you can feel it in you gut, but can’t explain it yet.

Edit: I’ve just realised that I’ve COMPLETELY missed your point, I’m sorry. You’re not looking for a relationship at all! In that case, yeah, don’t shit where you eat.

A tip: repeat to yourself that you only like the imaginary version of him, that he’s not real. Soon enough, you’ll start seeing him as a normal, average guy, and the tension will fade. After that, you’re in the clear. Oh, there is a chance that he’ll pursue you harder once he realises that you’re over him. Stay strong, and see it as a manipulation tactic that it is.

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