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[–]giftofnocondemnationFDS Apprentice81 points82 points83 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I did that for years. I forgave physical and emotional abuse over and over and over. For what? ptsd, depression. Forgive him for the first fuck up, then leave. Never ever let him hurt you again. He's not worth it, trust me.
[–]terribletimingtodayFDS Apprentice32 points33 points34 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I gave one two shots at it because he pursued and flirted and made moves...until about 3-4 weeks in...then friendzoned me both times because he didn't want to ruin our friendship with a relationship. First time we stayed friends and carried on. This second time I'm NC forever. I'm not going to be his sometimes girl. He's a large reason I'm here. I clearly didn't learn the first time and I need to reevaluate what I think is important.
[–]giftofnocondemnationFDS Apprentice35 points36 points37 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Remember the hurt always gets worse. They see what they can get away with. A LVM is a child in a man's body. When you forgive them of their abuse, they don't go "she's a special woman to forgive me. I will treat her like a queen". Instead they go "well if she forgave me for a slap, she will forgive me for a punch." This is how their depraved minds work.
[–]terribletimingtodayFDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's really it. And he's a child. An emotionally stunted, broken child. I'm not sure he's capable of actually supporting and fully loving a woman the way she should be loved. He doesn't see a reason to be better...just that he got away with it this time.
[–]Why_dont_ya_FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same! Wasted 5 years of my life.
[–]daintydangerousFDS Newbie50 points51 points52 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The thing is, EVERY time there’s a ‘first incident,’ there’s more incidents. Every single time someone had disrespected me, and i allowed them to remain in my life, more disrespect followed. In the good friendships and relationships I’ve had, they are NEVER disrespectful. I don’t need to sit them down and explain how to treat me, they just treat me well. You won’t make any progress trying to teach people to treat you well. They know how to treat people well, they just don’t want to, and you’re not going to be different.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
[–]ErikaNaumannFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. That's why now I don't give second chances.
[–]SavvyPantherFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I hate doing that!! It’s the worst!
When I was in elementary school, Oprah had this woman on her show who described her experience in a coma. She said that she saw the patterns of her life going around in circles and when she didn’t break the pattern, it repeated and the consequences just kept getting bigger and bigger. For some reason that stuck with me.
The idea of this growing consequences for repeated actions is one of the reasons that I’m getting a divorce. My husband had an affair with his intern while I was pregnant, and it broke my heart. People keep telling me to try and make my marriage work because I have a new daughter and he’s got a good career and he’s good looking and we have a nice life and and and... but I just keep thinking that if the pattern isn’t broken, he’ll break my heart again and then I’ll have more kids and more ties to my life that will make it even harder to move on.
Maybe if I had noticed the smaller red flags earlier on, I could have spared myself a lot of pain, but I know that I’m saving future me from a lot of anxiety and heartache by not letting myself be caught in this torturous loop of forgiveness.
[–]willowgrowingrootsFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My heart breaks for you... you’re absolutely right, I forgave an ex for cheating and he just became (un covertly) abusive. The more you stay, the bigger the price. Look into the comment section in Tracy Schorn’s blog, it’s all the same stories, one D-day after another. 💙
[–]fwa7FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sad, but true
[–]SavvyPantherFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So so true, and r/survivinginfedelity is the same thing. So many people on DDay 5 or 6
[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Once you break the cycle it's going to be grief and relief at the same time. As time goes on it's just going to be relief. The grief will want to make you go back but know it will eventually disappear if you stick to putting yourself first.
[–]willowgrowingrootsFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great advice.
[–]LunaPNWFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, ugh! No more 👏
[–]Flightlessbirbz0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Twice seems to be my M.O. I’ll give a second chance when I really shouldn’t and I know I shouldn’t and then of course the same shit happens.
[–]venuspearlFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My last relationship in a nutshell. I am in pieces now.
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[–]giftofnocondemnationFDS Apprentice81 points82 points83 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]terribletimingtodayFDS Apprentice32 points33 points34 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]giftofnocondemnationFDS Apprentice35 points36 points37 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]terribletimingtodayFDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Why_dont_ya_FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]daintydangerousFDS Newbie50 points51 points52 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ErikaNaumannFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SavvyPantherFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]willowgrowingrootsFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]fwa7FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SavvyPantherFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]willowgrowingrootsFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LunaPNWFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Flightlessbirbz0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]venuspearlFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link