Extremely uncomfortable around men

willowgrowingroots · 2020-08-14T12:59:37+00:00

At the gas station yesterday, the man in front of me in line literally followed me with his eyes as I walked through the store until I got in line, at which point he had turned all the way around to face me and BLATANTLY stare at me. He was old enough to be my father. I wasn't even dressed slutty --shorts and a t shirt. He literally dawdled by his car to watch me get into mine. I was afraid but also, pissed. He looked at me like I was prey. i could see the porn sick dead look in his eyes, he was picturing me naked. Don't feel bad -- your friends just haven't woken up to the patriarchy they're complicit in.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-14T12:15:01+00:00

men treat women like prey. It's normal to be apprehensive when you're surrounded by larger animals that see you as prey. Respectful treatment from someone who doesn't make you feel like you're going to be pounced on any moment it's different.

eveninghope · 2020-08-14T14:06:00+00:00

You sound like me in college. I participated in a male dominated hobby and hated the attention so much I would just wear sweatpants/baggy shirts/etc. I wouldn't be friendly or talkative. Basically, anything to hide my femaleness. I still want to be left alone overall, but I've found my own voice now. So now I'm still friends with the same community of men, but I now dress and act how I feel comfortable. If any of them give me unwanted attention, I feel a lot more comfortable shutting that shit down immediately. So, I feel you, for me what worked was just having more confidence in my ability to say something and get the response I intend.

Jinxhourglass · 2020-08-14T14:36:21+00:00

What your dad says is BS because creeps are incapable of appreciation. Cat calling, leering, and public harassment are not forms of appreciation. They are animalistic behaviors designed to exercise power over another person. They’re some of the lowest forms of communication.

willowgrowingroots · 2020-08-14T15:18:27+00:00

My own father conditioned me to tolerate male abuse and objectification. He gaslighted me better than society ever did about men and their incentives. I’m sure the dancing incident you describe wasn’t a one time thing, and would actually look into it carefully in therapy if you can do so. Anyway, what your father said is 100% bs and may even be one of the reasons you are more on alert than other women. I’m glad you are alert, I myself believed the gaslighting and so tolerated abusive relationship for years, just like my father taught me to.

__kamikaze__ · 2020-08-14T19:15:14+00:00

I think you’re perfectly justified in feeling that way. The way men stare can be downright disgusting and degrading.

Another poster commented that it’s equivalent to feeling like prey and I agree. It baffles me how these men have such primitive minds constantly fixated on sex. And then they act like we should take it as a compliment that they want to stick their dicks in us. Well no. It’s insulting actually. Dick comes with risk- STDs, pregnancy, even DEATH. They can take their dicks and fuck off.

throwaway631391220 · 2020-08-14T14:21:16+00:00

Totally legit and I am the same

Alma00019 · 2020-08-14T15:52:50+00:00

You're not alone.

Pre-covid I didn't go out as much to parties and networking events as I used to because of anxiety about this. Then I'd myself that I'm probably just overthinking and over stressing. And yet... then when I'd go to something, I'd invariably find myself with an uncomfortable at best situation with a man. Even at professional events.

2020-08-14T22:08:38+00:00

I was obviously 9 the first time some guy came on to me in public. Throughout decades of consistent unwanted attention I went along with prevailing wisdom that it was a complement- that it was just how men acted - and that was was my cope. That’s how I dealt with men pushing their creepy sexual attention on me. I had a love/hate feeling about men and their attention because complements were supposedly “good” and the sleeze balls who gave unasked unwanted attention were disgusting and sometimes unhinged and I hated being a target for their regard.

About 2 years ago I realized that attention was NOT a complement. After years of completely overhauling my self esteem and extensively dating I was frustrated that as far as it depended on me - there was nothing I could do to find a partner. That as much as I liked men, sex and was comfortable with my heterosexual orientation that I was basically shit out of luck.

What fucking infuriating me was realizing male attention- the supposed precursor to the onset and launch of an adult intimate heterosexual relationship - and something I was actually available for- had nothing to do with male attention- even though that’s the big fat lie we’re told.

Women are told it’s something we have to put up with, be cautious about, feel grateful for, and never let it make us proud. And if we do everything just right we are awarded a man.

You’re not alone. You’re not asexual. You’re not overthinking or overreacting. Male attention is uncomfortable because men are showing you that they’d fuck you. It’s not nice or sweet or boys will be boys. It’s repulsive.

textbasedpanda · 2020-08-14T19:36:16+00:00

You may be a sex-repulsed asexual, somewhere on the demi/ace spectrum, or maybe just plain not sexually attracted to men. Whatever label you end up identifying with, you're not weird.

Title	Extremely uncomfortable around men
Author	throwbpdaway-
Upvotes	57
Comments	12
Date	August 14, 2020 5:56 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i9gj9c/extremely_uncomfortable_around_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/extremely-uncomfortable-around-men.66613 https://theredarchive.com/post/66613

Comments