FDS & Anxiety / Neurodivergence

AutomaticNopeMachine · 2021-07-10T16:06:50+00:00

For me anxiety comes more from the stomach or chest area along with a more racing heartbeat and a harsh inner voice that runs through the most awful scenarios. It feels…critical, as if I’m about to die.

Intuition feels like a quiet, reserved voice coming from the back of my head. My physical body feels the same as before, it’s just a calm and brief realization. A moment of “a ha”, like when you’re reminded of something.

esthermaniii · 2021-07-10T18:21:16+00:00

Someone once said “anxiety shouts and intuition whispers.”

For me anxiety usually feels like my entire body has been taken over and I can’t really calm down.

Intuition is more of a nudge, which is why it’s often easy to dismiss it.

shockingupdate · 2021-07-10T20:47:34+00:00

Diagnosed with ASD at 30. I've been learning to trust my body more — if someone's behavior has me feeling a lump in my throat or a stomach cramp, whatever it is they're trying to get me to do HAS to wait. Sleeping on it, talking with friends, or writing out every objective detail of the conversation usually snaps me out of it, but sometimes I have to do this with EVERY new person I meet on a given day because the fear of letting a manipulator back into my life is too strong. It can be exhausting, but that's where I'm at right now.

It's only been a year since my diagnosis. Before I would allow people to weave fanciful tales and successfully press me into making financial or sexual decisions, thinking, "I'm sure I can trust this person, why wouldn't they have my best interests at heart?" and of course, been burned every time. As a back-up, when friends aren't around or I might anxious enough to placate or "go with the flow," I have a lava rock ring; you can put strong-smelling essential oils or perfumes on it. When I get nervous I usually start touching my hair, and the sudden sensation of smelling the oil tends to snap me out of ruminations and panic attacks. This little $5 ring has stopped me from making some tremendously poor choices. It's my "NOW WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE" ring, lol.

Anonimica_X · 2021-07-10T17:56:49+00:00

I had to develop my emotional intelligence and recover my suppressed emotional states by doing exercises like emotional literacy, grieving and flashback management. Once I had a stable baseline emotional state established, my anxiety felt unnatural and I could see that it was a sign that something in my present was triggering my past survival mechanism. The key here is to understand that if you are triggered, it is due to a very good reason( especially in case of men ). Unless your triggers are a leaf shaking in the wind which activates your anxiety, it's probably a good idea to start listening to that anxiety and see where the link to the past lies. In case of deeply suppressed emotions, anxiety and depression are the unconscious minds way of dealing with threats to safety and survival.

TL, DR : Anxiety is your friend. Hug her and say I gotcha hunty. Now where's that saber tooth tiger hiding in the bushes that only you see🤔🤔?

spicyspa · 2021-07-10T22:58:10+00:00

Some women worry about missing an opportunity with a man due to strenuous vetting or irrational anxiety. If so, that should be the least of our concerns.

I think we should go with our guts and not worry if we think it's irrational anxiety. Always Always always better safe than sorry.

I've never been an anxious person and my gut instincts about safety around men if not the quality of men have been on point.

Until last year.

I came down with a nearly crippling anxiety disorder. My desire for comfort drove me into the arms of the wrong man and looking back, had he not done the right thing and break up with me, he may well have been dangerous.

Get treated for anxiety. Don't worry if your anxiety is leading you to distrust men. 99% you're not missing an opportunity. Dick is plentiful.

Bezzazz · 2021-07-11T02:35:14+00:00

So unfortunately, you can experience both at exactly the same time. And unfortunately, your anxiety/trauma can make you hyper aware, subconsciously, to clues that you are being lied to or that something is extremely off about someone. Sometimes you can get one before the other, and then both. Your anxiety is not always wrong, I hate to say it.

Intuition feels like a kind of quiet knowledge. When I knew I was being lied to, to my face, it didn't give me a panicky feeling. In the moment it was just this immediate: oh. Like a switch went off in my head, and suddenly, I just knew. There was no judgement attached to that knowledge. I knew I was being lied to as surely as 2+2=4.

Now, before this moment, something had felt off all. Freaking. Day. It was a bunch of little things: slight changes in behavior, unusual brief facial expressions (microexpressions). Subtle jabs and remarks. Flashes of attitude here and there. Like this person was trying to set me off. And that made me very anxious and confused. I felt tension in my stomach, chest, and throat. Why was this happening, was I reading too much into it, was it even happening, was I overreacting?? Was I crazy? I tried my best to keep a level head throughout the day, but this anxiety and confusion did not go away.

So, to sum it up: intuition is this knowledge that you have without being 100% sure how you got it. It's very much a head thing. It's a light bulb moment. An "oooooooohhhhh, I get it now". And if you analyze it afterwards, you will be able to find situations, etc that back up your intuition.

Anxiety/trauma responses are much more somatic, and uncomfortable.

My two cents: if someone makes you feel anxious and confused a lot, that alone is a red flag. You can be an anxious person and be right about someone. I was.

Ambitious_Cup5774 · 2021-07-11T02:39:23+00:00

I've noticed that my anxiety makes my intuition very loud, to the point where I question it. For example I was about to meet up with a guy, and I kept thinking that he was going to murder me. Turns out he was awful in other ways, he never assaulted me, but my intuition was just being really really loud at the time. It makes sense. It's like my intuition was just trying to operate the best way it knew how because of my trauma. Tbh I think its more effective to view anxiety/intuition through a trauma-informed, body based, nervous system lens. For example I've done really well making sense of all this through somatic psychology.

papanezismysaviour · 2021-07-10T23:07:55+00:00

I'm very anxious, the type to have stomachaches, nausea, pulling hair when stressed, etc. Anxiety is exacerbated by people or situations that you shouldn't be around. I feel amazingly less anxious when I can decide who I let in my life regardless of 'x' reason. Tell her to trust her body.

housechore · 2021-07-10T18:56:40+00:00

This is not medical advice, but I have had a lot of relief from anxiety-induced heart palpitations with the use of occasional betablockers. They are not habit forming, they are not psychoactive, they are safe for driving and all normal activities. Being able to short circuit the pounding chest and sweaty moments has given me so much more confidence and I'm finding myself able to breathe through tough moments even without betablockers now. YMMV, but when I reached an exhaustion level with introspection and therapy. Betablockers did so much more for me. Source: also ASD. ;)

azula8 · 2021-07-10T22:39:22+00:00

Sorta kinda a tangent but I recently got into astrology bcs I shit on it for no reason which means my mind is small in that area. I found out I had like 4 placements that can manifest as spirituality and intuition. Well my ass is a science major, super evidence based, neurotic skeptic. So everything to me was not gut feeling but fight or flight.

I started practicing meditation bcs of this. It did not just help me "observe" my thoughts but its almost as if the intuition got stronger and I was able to pick it up more?

I've had at least 4 incidents now where my gut feeling helped me and I've only been doing this for a month. Its nutty stuff but you should have her try it. If anything itll help with the anxiety.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2021-07-10T22:00:44+00:00

I would suggest your friend do some sort of therapy to build up confidence, and to learn to recognize/control anxiety. If she can’t access a counselor, there’s a free app called SAM that has an anxiety tracker as well as resources for anxiety attacks that’s pretty helpful!

It’s important to learn to identify what her anxiety feels like in her body, the emotions and physical sensations, and what situations, people, places, things, etc. trigger it. Being able to identify anxiety can help to know if it’s anxiety or intuition we’re feeling.

One difference can be that healthy fear is usually related to something that realistically could happen in the present moment, whereas anxiety is dreading something that could potentially happen in the future. But it’s understandable if she has a hard time telling if a worry is something that could realistically happen, so I would advise when she feels a concern, make a plan of action to avoid that concern or mitigate the potential harm. For example, meet in public, don’t go to his place early on, see multiple people to avoid being too attached. Once I have a plan in place, I will feel less worried. If I’m taking concrete steps to avoid the problem and I’m still worried about it, that’s likely to be anxiety. Also keep in mind that fear exists for a reason, and being overly cautious might not necessarily be a bad thing. Ultimately it comes down to whether listening to the feelings is actually helping her to stay safe, or if it’s just keeping her from doing things she wants to do.

Title	FDS & Anxiety / Neurodivergence
Author	feeltheweird
Upvotes	123
Comments	15
Date	July 10, 2021 3:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ohl8uu/fds_anxiety_neurodivergence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-anxiety-neurodivergence.790541 https://theredarchive.com/post/790541

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