Forever Girlfriends--how do we avoid becoming one, and how do we proactively spot men who will never propose so it doesn't get that far?

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-06-29T04:49:30+00:00

If there's no talk or signs of moving forward after a year (2 at most) it's time to go.

wedonthavetobeishtar · 2020-06-29T05:56:32+00:00

He’ll usually tell you. Was he with his exes for 3+ years without getting close to marriage because “we had too many problems”? Does he think that he “can’t even consider a proposal” without living with you first for a “trial period”? Does he worry about pre-nups? Does he have a long list of career milestones he’s focused on achieving and that’s consuming his energy? (A lot of men won’t even consider marriage until they’ve hit a certain level of success and contentment in their careers.) Are his friends married, or still single? Does he seem tired of the singles scene? Is he looking older for his age? (Men are statistically more likely to settle down when their friends marry and when they start to look “too old” for bars and clubs they used to go to.)

There’s a book that covers all this based on informal surveys. It’s literally called “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others,” but it’s more about weeding out the time-wasters. Serial monogamists are flagged in the book as being the most dangerous dudes to watch out for. It might seem old-fashioned, but I highly recommend it. Reading it helped me see the red flags I had missed in previous relationships.

seaSculptor · 2020-06-29T07:21:16+00:00

[deleted]

sadcello · 2020-06-29T13:10:40+00:00

What are some signs that a guy is likely to keep a Forever Girlfriend? Can these red flags be seen early in a relationship?

Ask him do you want to get married to me? Some men lie some don't.

A liar will only say it but will never put it into action. If he wants to marry you, he'll save money, that's the number 1 sign. Watch out for men who can't save money or even have a job, they'll either never marry you or marry you but use you.

If he likes to be alone, peculiar about his house or his things, that's a sign he probably won't want to share a house with someone.

They keep watching porn or looking at other women. They mention about being stuck. They avoid you everytime you ask. He has no plans for the future, or the reverse, he has too elaborate plan for future (means he's lying or he uses a script to trap you)

Your relationship never progress much or stops progressing at all. Three months, six months, year went by and still no talk about future. Three years and still no talk is the ultimate sign.

Young men (early 20s) are more likely to not want marriage than the slightly older men (mid 25s), unless he catches someone way out of his league. Older men in their 30s don't want marriage unless they really can't get a date at all. Men start to really want marriage in their 40s because that's the time they can't get sex anymore, his friends are all married and he needs someone to care for his older self.

Men only marry when they want to. They marry someone they're into when they want to get married. Find out if he wants to get married, when will he be ready, and if you're someone he'll marry. Menchild will hold it back as long as they can unless you're such a great catch and he's afraid of losing you. Abusers will marry to trap you. So you see, men who want to marry you aren't that great too.

When should the desire for marriage be discussed in a relationship? Talk about it too early and you risk the guy assuming you want to marry him now (lol), but wait too long and he already has you pegged down as a Forever Girlfriend since you never brought up marriage.

Three months to a year. If he gets turn off that's your sign, leave. Even if things are too fast, you should have at least a conversation about wanting or not wanting marriage/kids, what their ideal marriage is, ideal person is etc.

What are some reasons guys will keep a Forever Girlfriend around without proposing/getting married, especially when it seems he loves her?

Laziness. He doesn't love her, just like having sex with her and maybe for other benefits. He doesn't want to get married or not yet ready (even if he's ready, probably doesn't want you). He actually hates you, he doesn't want to give you what you want so he makes your life miserable by waiting forever.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-06-29T14:58:21+00:00

How to avoid:

no wife privileges for boyfriends (no moving in together, no adopting pets together, no shared finances, you don't clean his house, you don't cook for him, he is not invited to family events);
1 to 2 years max without an engagement;
at the begining of the relationship 3 months max without exclusivity and a proper relationship/girlfriend status;
consider yourself SINGLE until you are married;
always keep your eyes open, watch out for red flags;
be prepared to leave, do not become dependent on him. Keep your friends and family close by.

Red flags:

he is a serial monogamist;
he has a cheating past;
all his exes are "cRaZy";
he avoids talking about the future;
he actually does talk about the future, but it's all very vague and uncertain (it's future faking, he is dragging you along);
he says he wants to get married one day (but he never says TO YOU);
he actually says he doesn't believe in marriage (it's just a paper, it means nothing);
he makes life plans without considering you (moves to another city, starts a new job, goes on holidays, etc).

Feel free to add more info 😊

Chantelmorris345 · 2020-06-29T05:17:34+00:00

No shacking up together without the ink dry on the marriage license because he will get the full benefits of a wife(free sex,cooking,cleaning,emotional support,etc)without the ring so he will feel like why even get married? Also you guys have been together for a year so you guys are getting serious its time to discuss the time frame in which you would want to get married whether it be in 3-4 yrs. Men know when they want to marry a woman it shouldn’t take 5+ years for him to figure it out because then that means your a placeholder until he gets his dream girl. Once you start to see he isn’t getting serious within that frame then it is time to go.

vowelsareimportant · 2020-07-02T11:53:44+00:00

They will tell you, you just have to pay attention. While I didn’t date these guys long enough to get to forever girlfriend territory, they said things that I later realized showed that they wanted that.

I was dating this guy for around 5 months when we discussed moving in together in the future. I told him that I would prefer to be engaged before moving in with someone and he argued that he’d rather move in and see how we lived together before proposing. Since I was being an accommodating pick me, we made plans for moving in together around the 9 month mark, me having no ring. Then he started slipping in things into our conversations about how he’d like to not wear a wedding band if we got married because wearing a wedding band was “uncomfortable”. He was telling me he actually didn’t want to be married without saying it.
My former fuck boy FWB called me drunk professing that he couldn’t quit me. He just wanted to be in my life no matter what , etc. etc. etc. During this drunken mess he said he was scared of making a decision because every choice you make is saying no to something else and “I don’t want us to date for five years and then break up”. I was so excited that he wanted to actually date me and not just fuck me that I didn’t really pay attention to the other things he said. But he knew how he’d be with me, he’d string me along for years and then we’d break up because I wasn’t really the type of girl he wanted to marry.

So, just listen to them. When they tell you how they are, believe them.

EngulfMoi · 2020-06-29T13:26:53+00:00

He will be with you and not tell about it to anyone in his life who matter to him. He will not share details of his life like how much he earns and forget things that you hold dear like your birthday etc. Usually I tell them about things like how all my friends know about him, what dates are special to me etc and see whether he remembered and took actions. Or, whether people know about us especially the women he admires. Otherwise, boy bye!

Title	Forever Girlfriends--how do we avoid becoming one, and how do we proactively spot men who will never propose so it doesn't get that far?
Author	DunRuther
Upvotes	47
Comments	20
Date	June 28, 2020 9:28 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hhmumw/forever_girlfriendshow_do_we_avoid_becoming_one/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/forever-girlfriends-how-do-we-avoid-becoming-one.701611 https://theredarchive.com/post/701611

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