He just learned how to hide it better

2020-08-31T19:51:12+00:00

If women were masturbating to pictures of male models and actors to the same degree that men do this, they'd lose their fucking minds.

Men like this don't change. They often escalate not only the behavior, but become better at finding ways to hide it.

Don't waste any more hurt and humiliation on this guy.

2020-08-31T19:05:48+00:00

People you love/that love you back don’t usually make you feel like you want to die

People that don’t treat you well make you want to die

ilostitireallylostit · 2020-08-31T19:22:45+00:00

You cannot go back to this guy. He will continue to push your boundaries. Do you really want a husband that jacks off to IG models? Keep asking yourself that, because that would be the end result. A husband and father that jacks off to IG “models”. I doubt it will stop there. You deserve better and you won’t find better in that situation.

AverageToHot · 2020-08-31T18:25:51+00:00

I’ve been here before. He fully knows that you want him to stop jacking off to these women completely and he just lied to you, claiming that he misunderstood your meaning. My ex did the exact same thing, saying that he thought I meant that he shouldn’t watch porn when we’re physically together. Once you find out a guy masturbates to other women, cut him off. He’s never going to change. He’s just going to learn how to hide it better.

Also, it’s normal to miss your ex, despite him being a bad partner. It’s part of the healing process because you’re removing someone who’s been a part of your life. So now you have to fill that empty space with productive and enjoyable activities and companionship. Under no circumstances should you go back to him. He WONT change ever. He’s lied before, he will do it to you again. (Yes, he lied, he didn’t just misunderstand your meaning like he claims.) It’s okay to not want a partner who jerks off to other women – with or without you around. You don’t have to settle. He’s lying when he says he only wants you, because clearly he’s looking at other women. Desiring other women, masturbating to them, even when it’s just in IG, still cheating.

You’re better off without him, seeing as you no longer have to worry if he’s lying to you, jacking it off to other women again, etc. You’re literally free right now. You don’t have to deal with that LVM crap. If you go back to him, it will just be a life of stress and anxiety. No man is ever worth that. If a man threatens your peace of mind, remove him from your life.

willowgrowingroots · 2020-08-31T19:47:34+00:00

TW

Queen I’ve been there. These men use igram because they like the idea of little to no consent. After all even the so called models or influencers post for reasons which aren’t linked to jacking off. The fact it’s borderline pornography & these women (seemingly) aren’t fully aware of that, IS the (fake) appeal. Also the fact they technically can reach out to these women is appealing. Cheating effect.

This is one step before using photos of acquaintances, friends & pornography of women who didn’t know they were being photographed. Don’t ask me how I know.

He is using ig not so he wouldn’t use porn, but because it brings a “better” effect for his limp dick. Porn/ig/whatever, men will masturbate to the thing that has the strongest effect on them. So the porn excuses is... lying.

You do not want to forgive him. I have and it only brought more low self esteem, depression and suicidal thoughts. Trauma bond was growing, I was vanishing, and that was while I believed (not so much in hindsight) that he stopped using ig. The betrayal, hurt and shame stayed regardless. Until I broke up and went no contact.

He is not to be trusted. He lied (he knew you meant ig and not the in-front-of-you shite), but more importantly—he did something unacceptable. Not normal, not healthy. Not okay. He knew it was unacceptable before you found out. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so embarrassed. Men KNOW this is wrong. Just like you didn’t masturbate to half naked chads all day long. How come? Because you knew what’s acceptable w/o being told. So did he.

He will never change, let him live with his limp dick in his sad 2d reality. He will never be satisfied with anyone, anything, and his brain rots as we speak.

But you will heal. Watch the online course about sexual betrayal at Bloom for Women. It’s free and pretty great. Stay away from triggers, any triggers. They will fade but give it the time it needs. You will be okay, I never believed I’d be like that.

Hugs.

neonfairylights · 2020-08-31T18:25:28+00:00

You did the right thing by breaking up with him. Him jerking off to IG models right beside you was fucked up. You deserve way better than that. Keep your head up queen💖

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-08-31T19:00:47+00:00

The fact that he can say he doesn’t want anyone but you and then turns around and masturbates regularly to women on IG who are definitely not you (after you CoMmUnIcAtEd) should tell you all you need to know. If he wanted to change (and was able to) he would have. Instead he continued to do it and made excuses only when busted and faced with the threat of losing you again. Breaking up sucks, whether he’s a porn addicted liar or not. Unfortunately you just have to kind of go through it, feel the hurt, cry the tears. You can be hurt by it and leave, or you can continue to be hurt by it.

When a guy tells you you deserve better than him, LISTEN. He knows better than anyone who he is and how low he’ll go.

You don’t need to meet Reddit’s expectations of a relationship, you are allowed to have your own dealbreakers and lines. If this is one of them (and it sounds like it is, rightfully so) then that’s all that matters, not what other porn addicted yahoos on reddit say

Mysterious_Midnight7 · 2020-08-31T18:49:15+00:00

Speaking only for myself, I don't care if I saw it happen or not, I take that as infidelity and that's it, the end. I can't even imagine the horror you endured witnessing it. The people who say get over it and all men do it are lowlives whose opinions don't warrant a second thought. What matter is how you feel and you don't deserve to spend your life being someone's parole officer or stuffing hurtful things in the back of your mind and pretend they're not happening, wtf sort of life is that? What's more, 99.9999% of these scrotes would shrivel up and DIE if the same thing was done to them. "I cannot stop thinking about how much I love him and how what he did makes me feel like I wanna die" that is called a trauma bond, escape it now before it gets worse and believe me, it can. You do deserve better.

LittleBitchyBanana · 2020-08-31T19:00:35+00:00

He told you he would delete his IG, he didn’t. You gave him a chance. You later broke up with him, he asked you for a second chance already to go back together. And the same thing with him following models happen again. He twisted your words to fit his narrative with masturbating to other women. And you are contemplating giving him like 3rd chance? Right now he will tell you anything you want to hear just to come back to normal to have free sex. Girl. Don’t waste your time, your nerves and emotions on him.

2020-08-31T18:56:07+00:00

I think it might be helpful for you to realize that there is a very real, possible timeline where you’re in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who just doesn’t do it. I know it’s really hard to leave a relationship where you love him. But there’s trauma, pain, and a whole lot of back and forth between you two over this one issue that, frankly, wouldn’t be an issue if you were with a different person.

GRCA · 2020-08-31T20:17:46+00:00

You saw him doing it, and that is forever imprinted on your mind. And he has now shown you that he isn’t going to stop. Your title is correct: he’s just going to get better at hiding it. You’ll never trust him because he is not trustworthy. And for the record I don’t buy that he doesn’t look at porn, given what you’ve described of his known behaviors.

He is saying he “only wants you” because he wants the other things you provide. He wants you to hang out with him and provide the stability and social standing of having a long term partner. But in terms of sexual gratification, he wants other women.

You don’t have to give him brownie points because he “only” objectifies and jerks off to other women instead of physically having sex with them. The sheer number of women that men “consume” nowadays through internet porn and social media has made it more than “only” jerking off. Porn addiction and compulsive masturbation are growing problems amongst men who grew up with this level of access to women’s bodies. Perhaps years from now there will be a solid base of research on the effects of men’s constant objectification and sexualization on their mental health and relationships. But for now women just need to individually see the writing on the wall and not commit themselves to men with these habits.

callofktululu · 2020-09-02T04:38:05+00:00

Girl, move on. Believe me, you'll recover from losing him but never from having to live with his igporn addiction. He wasn't remorseful when he was doing it, despite you communicating to him how hurt and disrespected you felt. Like Rihanna said, you only sorry you got caught. So move on. Never trust a man to choose you over his pipi. You'll always lose. You deserve someone who actually gives a shit about your feelings.

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