How do I distract myself from being sad that I’m single?

2020-02-03T05:24:00+00:00

You’re so young and have plenty of time to find someone. I wish I hadn’t wasted my early twenties on my dickbag ex husband

noonecaresat805 · 2020-02-03T04:54:33+00:00

Get a hobby. Join a class. Join a club. Go for walks. Learn something new. Read new books. Take your self out for adventures. Being single is not the end of the world.

rippergrl · 2020-02-03T06:22:09+00:00

You could try thinking of it differently - like instead of thinking that you’re just distracting yourself from being sad while you’re single, how about thinking of it as enjoying your freedom while you’re still single?

A relationship is just the icing on the cake - it’s not the be-all and end-all of happiness in life.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-02-03T07:38:23+00:00

I remember being 22 and jealous of all my friends settling down and popping out babies faster than the Kardashians. Peer pressure is a strong force when you are young.

That's how Kylie Jenner ended up being already a single mother and she's what, 22? It's not that she didn't know what contraception is, she wanted to belong.

It's a little ironic that a few posts down below there's a woman your age posting something completely the opposite.

The best way to be cured from longing for "a relationship" (rather than a specific guy) is getting pushed around a little. Figuratively of course.

Or you can distract yourself by hanging out a bit in /r/deadbedrooms and /r/relationships or /r/relationship_advice and realize these are the things that can end up happening to people when they become desperate for "a relationship."

em0873 · 2020-02-03T07:11:57+00:00

I was 22 in a long term relationship and only recently ended it. I’m 24 now. If I could go back and tell myself to break things off then, I would. I wasn’t entirely unhappy, but I was a pickmeisha and I wasn’t happy. He did not put in the effort I know I deserved now. Unless someone is constantly proving to you that they love you through actions, and enhancing your life, it’s better to be single at 22. Most men are clowns at that age, and they don’t get any better a few years later lol. Relationships are not often worth the hype, and only are if you’re with a HVM who makes you happy. Otherwise it’s better to just be single and making yourself happy and developing your own interests and career.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-02-03T08:21:47+00:00

Are your friends in quality relationships?

It might feel lonely when you can’t really contribute to the convo when your friends are talking about their boyfriends. Keep your head held high and don’t start dating around just because you feel lonely. I’m the same age as you and this is the perfect time to study and get a head-start on your career. You’ll find someone closer to your mid-20s or even late 20s, and you’ll be happy that you didn’t spend your early 20s in a relationship.

2020-02-03T13:45:36+00:00

I think it's quite simple: ask yourself, are you looking for someone to tick a checkbox that says 'Boyfriend' or are you looking for a relationship with a positive, respectful, hardworking and loving man? Those are two very different things.

What works for me is reminding myself how much love I have in my life that is not attached to a penis. Family, dear friends, pets, colleagues depending on me, strangers I can make laugh, among others. The foundation for that mindset is that I can give and create love and affection for myself and not give away my power by waiting or pursuing someone who doesn't deserve me to "get" a relationship.

I hope that may help. Stay strong!

sinolevant · 2020-02-03T04:58:55+00:00

Good recommends. Thanks!

drslvtr · 2020-02-03T10:21:01+00:00

It's hard to not feel this way when your friends are all coupled up and you're the one left out.

I'm a divorced 32F and all throughout my young adult years (18-25) I was dating my ex husband. And I remember feeling a sick, smug feeling of being better than my single friends. I would pity them for not having someone special, while they went out to travel the world, enjoyed their freedom and met many interesting people. Not to mention that they grew as people, too. What did I do during those years? I focused on my then boyfriend more than myself, turned down opportunities to go overseas because I didn't want to be away from him, and put his happiness first. He was a HVM but was/is selfish like many other men. He began to take things for granted and I broke things off later last year after six years of marriage. I'm now enjoying the freedom that I was supposed to have in my early 20s.

What I want to say to you, as a woman who's been on both sides, is that some women are so good at faking happiness. Those girlfriends you have, who have boyfriends could be sharing only the good bits and hiding their frustrations, unhappiness, anxieties and future worries about their relationships. This might be because of societal pressure or familial expectations, it depends on what kind of environment you live in. I was guilty of doing this, and when I got divorced all my friends freaked out. You guys looked so happy and perfect! was the response I got from everybody.

I'm not saying that your friends lie to you, but we tend to see only the good parts of something we really want, or think we want.

Balkanka · 2020-02-03T14:24:31+00:00

Focus on yourself, starting hobbies and habits now that will help you in the future and make you an enriched person. Men at your age are boys that are still highly immature and you’re at a perfect time to explore the world and yourself on a deep level. Be your own companion until someone worthy comes along.

BlueSeaWilt · 2020-02-03T08:55:01+00:00

Learn to enjoy your own company and focus on what you want to do and learn. Works for me! I don't get sad anymore

aintdainty · 2020-02-03T12:46:59+00:00

Most women who have relationships at that age, early twenties, are not with truly good men, or THINK they are with good men until they wake up 10 years later with two and a half kids, depleted finances, unmet life goals, disappointment, and thoughts/intentions of divorce. Being single has nothing to do with not being worthy....there's really not much in the dating pool these days. Better to be single and available should someone good come along than be tied down to dead weight. You're really not missing out on much, I'm 26 now and my relationships during those years are all regrettable, and I'm only now improvimg my standards significantly. If you're lonely, and NEED a little male attention and practice, find a boytoy...but definitely don't settle just to fit in with your friends. You might not even have those friends in a few years as priorities and standards for who you want in your life change. Keep your chin up and your goals high.

goatismycopilot · 2020-02-03T14:45:05+00:00

First get some single friends who enjoy doing the activities you do. You are still figuring out who you are and your focus should be that. Now is the time to meet and set career and financial goals and good personal habits around fitness, cultivating self love and even developing a spiritual self. Most of your friends in relationships won't even be with them in a few years.

turtleshame · 2020-02-03T06:18:41+00:00

Honestly your 20s are to have fun & fight crime. Don’t waste it on a boy.

Title	How do I distract myself from being sad that I’m single?
Author	sinolevant
Upvotes	38
Comments	17
Date	February 3, 2020 4:48 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ey1moa/how_do_i_distract_myself_from_being_sad_that_im/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-distract-myself-from-being-sad-that-im.723209 https://theredarchive.com/post/723209

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