How do you identify if your girlfriends are toxic/insecure about you?

millennialpink2000 · 2022-03-16T17:31:13+00:00

- how they react when something good happens to you

- how they react when something bad happens to you

- if they try to dominate you

- if they pounce when you're vulnerable

- if the power/respect dynamics change after they see you vulnerable

- if they use you to boost their self-esteem

pickmieshaexorcist · 2022-03-16T21:37:41+00:00

Agree with the others about letting go of toxic friends. Life is too short. However I had a lot of toxic friends as a teen/young person and I’ll share my signs:

hangouts are on her terms only. If you want to do something, she’ll either flake, or always want to change the venue, finds something to complain about, or tries to invite someone along she knows you don’t like. Sabotages like that.
with above, she’ll cancel plans with you if something or someone cooler is happening or wanting to hang. And she won’t invite you lol
she’ll bring sus people around you and gaslight you about your discomfort
will vent to you about problems but brush you off if you need her to listen to yours. Might even ghost you for weeks if she’s knows you’re going through it
competitive with you. If you like a guy and tell her, next thing you know she’s flirting with him/sleeping with him right away, and then plays innocent. If something amazing happens to you, she has even more amazing news. Even the bad stuff. Did you have a bad day, or an awful experience? Well, hers was the WORST day and the more awful experience.
finds subtle ways to shame you. I had one friend who was very slim while I was heavy at the time, and wanted to get on the scale just to see our weights. “Oh come on you’re probably only 100lbs tee hee” uh, no. And she’d give me unwanted tiny clothes and be shocked they didn’t fit. Had another one always “complaining” about her big boobs and would look at me like “oh I guess you don’t know what that’s like!” Digs at your hair or fashion sense too. Wants to give you “makeovers”.
you find out through others that she trash-talks you behind your back, but of course she denies it. She’s cozy with your bullies (this happened in high school)

SarcasmSlide · 2022-03-16T16:15:32+00:00

A key component of FDS is learning to let go of toxic relationships and people. This isn’t limited to men. FDS gave me the power to end a 20 year friendship with a LVW who never had my best interest at heart. There are many women here with similar stories.

Read the handbook, keep coming here, and learn that it’s necessary to let some things go.

ImpressiveHat8550 · 2022-03-16T14:15:55+00:00

I deal with red flags equally regardless of gender. If someone is making you question things then it’s probably time to back off.

TieDieEye · 2022-03-17T03:46:32+00:00

They try to hide their giddiness when you fail
When you succeed they don't really care or half heartedly congratulate you, or will even tell you why you're not really all that great
They brag a lot to let you know you're not on the same level
When something good happens to them they will make sure you know about it and will exaggerate to rub it in your face
They will talk badly about you behind your back and try to make you look bad
If you make a mistake they will exaggerate it, especially when recounting it to others
They will act like they love you in-person and will be overly nice to compensate for how they really feel about you
If you express an insecurity, instead of consoling you they'll agree/neg you and also save it for later to put you down more effectively
Deep down they believe that they are better than you in every way and get enraged at anything that indicates otherwise
They tell you your successes are only due to looks or [insert advantage] here and nothing else

edwardianemerald · 2022-03-16T16:46:06+00:00

I had a friend like this, especially the secretive stuff. I discovered she was VERY VERY insecure, had various mental issues including severe depression. I slow faded her and am happier for it.

lolmemberberries · 2022-03-16T23:42:59+00:00

I had an acquaintance like this. Initially, I couldn't figure out why I kept finding her sus when it seemed like other people liked her a lot.

I later lost touch with her due to circumstances. But, what I could gather is that she was an insecure person who wasn't happy with her position in life based on some of the things she told me in confidence. Also, I knew she had lost a career opportunity as the result of a workplace relationship, though I never told her I found out about it.

She did the following things:

-Copied the way I dressed

-Would never compliment me when other people did. Last year, I went back to my natural hair color and cut my hair into a pixie cut (I look great with short hair). The only people we knew who didn't compliment me? Her and her boyfriend.

-Would alternate between being friendly and giving passive-aggressive digs. For instance, when someone asked me a question and I didn't know how to answer it she said "Oh, there's something you don't know the answer to?"

-She once said "We're the same age, aren't we lolmemberberries?" We didn't know each other's ages at the time. It turns out I'm four years older than her. When I told her how old I was, she immediately stopped talking and never brought it up again.

-Would badmouth mutual people we knew to me when they weren't around, but would be super buddy-buddy with these same people in their presence. I don't doubt the possibility that she did the same thing to me in my absence.

-If I had good news or was excited about something, she would interrupt me or cut me off to turn the attention back on herself.

-Things she never expressed interest in she would suddenly be interested in if I was talking about them with other people. Once again, trying to turn the attention back on herself since she made a point of talking over me.

OP, it sounds like you're dealing with the same thing. I would wish her well and be done with the friendship. People like this are exhausting and would love nothing more than to drag you down to their level.

Title	How do you identify if your girlfriends are toxic/insecure about you?
Author	laurencetrishburn
Upvotes	155
Comments	9
Date	March 16, 2022 1:58 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tfi9zy/how_do_you_identify_if_your_girlfriends_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-identify-if-your-girlfriends-are.1107281 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107281

Comments