When an ex tries to ruin your reputation

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eatnthrowtrashaway · 2021-03-18T15:09:16+00:00

This is also why a man going on about how insane and awful his ex was is a red flag. It’s a preview that you’re about to become the crazy ex he hates so much. And you will if you stay with him.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-03-18T15:04:41+00:00

Yeah I had a guy I dated briefly who went batshit insane and dumped me after he invited me on a trip with him. Three times I told him I was leaving and to get in the car and he refused. At one point he even lunged at me like he was going to attack me. So guess what, I left his ass there.

Of course after that he bad-mouthed me to our mutual acquaintances and told them I was crazy. I just kept being my normal sane self and totally ignored him.

🤷‍♀️

SerenaFit · 2021-03-18T15:11:11+00:00

Interesting that you said “visual creature” I had an ex also, who privately and passive aggressively did “admit” to me how manipulative his ex was who also said how “visual” he was. He turned out to be a big narcissist, very selfish and manipulative himself. Where do they get that “visual” rhetoric from ?

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-03-18T16:52:23+00:00

I've been the target of many a smear campaign. If my friends want to believe him, well, they weren't really friends, now were they? I've turned smear campaigns in my favour by weeding out toxic people who were in my friend group. I blocked and deleted everyone who took part in the drama. I pretend these campaigns don't exist, because ignoring the narcissists is a huge hit to their fragile little egos and abysmally low self esteem.

laurencetrishburn · 2021-03-18T16:14:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

my_curated_life · 2021-03-18T20:32:39+00:00

A male friend, who secretly admired me (while being in a relationship, mind you), confessed his feelings to me. I swerved, rejected, vehemently shut that down. He then went on a multi-year smear campaign convincing everyone in our shared circles that I was: deranged, crazy, mentally ill, lying about my career (was in tech @ time in faang company), that I was a failure, that I talk too much, that I am annoying, and the list without exaggeration goes on. FOR YEARS this man went on a tirade against me because I said, no.

I cut him and everyone associated with him completely off. Fast forward to a few years later, I receive texts from people in those old circles profusely apologizing for the way they treated me and for the lies they believed and spread about me. The best part??????

He is committed to a mental asylum for rapid cognitive, mental decline. (That is very sad, my heart goes out to him and his family for the very unfortunate circumstance...but hey...you reap what you sow).

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-03-18T21:02:23+00:00

Depending on the nature of the smears, sometimes you can't be silent. A smear campaign by a workplace stalker pretty much ended the career I'd worked towards most of my life, but the threat went far beyond that. Since I was falsely framed for "framing men" (perp claimed I fabricated an assault), I knew that if I was assaulted by any rando in the future or had the bad luck of later marrying an abuser, an aggressive defense attorney could easily dig into that past scandal to trounce my claims, squash an order of protection, maybe even skew a custody battle, etc. It was like having a bulls eye tattooed on my back. So I criminally prosecuted and filed and won a civil suit to set the record straight for good. Criminal misdemeanors (slap on the wrist for breaking my ribs) for first time offenders can be be disappeared from public record but a civil trial verdict is forever.

The perp had no wealth at the time but, since the jury ruled for "malice," the judgment stands in perpetuity and I can collect with interest at any time. It didn't resurrect my damaged professional reputation. Nothing could do this since I'm a woman who "tells"-- basically untouchable in that industry. But I own the perp for the rest of his natural life and at least his immediate supporters were chilled into silence. And no one involved can ever feasibly submit testimony against me.

Doing this may have protected the next generation in my family too. I believe the slimy attorney for my kids' past school tried to dig this stuff up when I filed an OCR complaint after my middle child was assaulted by staff and the administration feared I'd sue. What the attorney found didn't help the school at all-- my track record only bespoke the fact that when I say something happened, it's written in stone that bloody well happened.

nothing998 · 2021-03-18T17:12:23+00:00

This is why I don't let any man know much about what I do for a living. They don't talk to my peers, they don't talk to my clientbase.

You never know if and when something bad will happen, and he wants to run to your associates and tell tales about you.

NuttyBelgianBun · 2021-03-18T18:43:58+00:00

My ex ran around telling everyone I killed his baby. I had an abortion. An abortion we both agreed on. We weren’t living together, he wasn’t working, I lived in a one bed flat with my 3yr old, I couldn’t take the pill (high blood pressure and risk of a stroke) I had a traumatic birth and now know I had PTSD and post natal depression, he had been caught trying to fuck multiple others. After the abortion we moved in together. On the DAY we moved in my child got very sick and was in intensive care for months. I would call home and he’d have multiple girls/people in the house. He would ring me at the hospital and accuse me of sleeping with my child’s father, who was at the hospital with us. When the nightmare was over and I was allowed to bring my child home I found he had cashed my child benefit book, not paid the water bill and lapsed on the rent. I kicked him out there and then. He ran around town calling ME a cheat and saying I killed his “much wanted baby”. He was with a new woman less than a week later and they had a child together immediately, followed by another. True to form he cheated on her and abandoned his “much wanted children” he would often come back to my house and lurk around outside. I believe he now has several children he doesn’t have anything to do with by several women. I dodged a bullet. I KNEW he’d be a terrible father.

souredskittles · 2021-03-18T21:47:13+00:00

Also, you don’t owe them an explanation of how they fucked up. Remember our mantra:

They know
If they wanted to they would

A good strategy is to only tell him one reason you broke up with him or none at all (recommended) and stand your ground. My exes can’t pull this shit because I only gave them 1/10 reasons I dumped them.

PokePrincess95 · 2021-04-13T20:49:42+00:00

Had an ex do this. He was sexually abusive and financially dependent on me. When I broke it off he decided to tell anyone who would listen that I was accusing him of rape (only my therapist and a support group knew) and that I only left him because of my bipolar and schizophrenia. No boy, I left cause you were a scrub NVM

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