How does FDS apply to lesbian relationships?

kettleodumplins · 2021-12-25T00:33:29+00:00

I don't think that there are any hard-and-fast rules. The difference here is that you are dating someone that has faced the same societal challenges and expectations that you have as a woman. Fds rules still apply in terms of taking care of yourself, ensuring that the relationship brings value to you, and looking out for general red flags, but in terms of courting in a lesbian relationship it is probably better to ask if you are comfortable doing so.

rightsun__ · 2021-12-24T20:58:19+00:00

I’d say a lot of what FDS vetting is for is for just basic safety from men because they have so much power (societal and many times physical) that women have to stay safe in a hetero relationship. I think some part of that goes away in a lesbian relationship because the power dynamic is lessened, and now you can focus more on vetting for personality red flags, friend/family red flags, psychological red flags etc.

For the date paying example it can be more on the person whose idea it was and the couple can make sure both equally ask each other out. But for me, if I somehow did end up on a date with a man who makes a bit less than me I’d still expect him to pay because he has the patriarchy and all society behind him, even though in that specific moment I make more financially.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-12-27T08:12:10+00:00

I think you got some great advice, and you’ll know more about how to handle things as time goes on.

If you start a family, will you alternate having children? Or is one woman going to be the one taking time away from her career and enduring those emotional and physical risks? If so, the woman who doesn’t plan on going through pregnancy should take the greater financial burden.

If you’re a high value woman who vets and picks another high-value woman, I think that a fair division of labor and resources will fall into place naturally.

engineergorl · 2021-12-26T23:40:24+00:00

For dates, I think sticking to the "person who asks for the date pays for it" rule is a good bet, but for a lesbian relationship, the both of you should take turns planning dates. Some of the logic that goes into FDS principles doesn't apply to lesbian relationships, but definitely stick to the ones that apply to all relationships - vet for low valueness (like narcissism, laziness, etc.), make sure she gives back the same energy as you to the relationship (effort and enthusiasm!), evaluate if the relationship enriches your life, etc.

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2021-12-27T07:03:02+00:00

I’m bi too how I’ve applied it to women would be am I HV? Do I do the things to a woman I’ve dated or tried to that a man wouldn’t be tolerated? Kinda flip it and reverse it to check myself against what’s a HV partner, and seeing if the woman I’m talking is also HV the vetting is almost the same … almost

bioqueen53 · 2021-12-24T20:44:09+00:00

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2021-12-25T00:59:13+00:00

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Title	How does FDS apply to lesbian relationships?
Author	Aina98
Upvotes	176
Comments	9
Date	December 24, 2021 8:33 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rnuauk/how_does_fds_apply_to_lesbian_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-does-fds-apply-to-lesbian-relationships.1090798 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090798

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