I think this is something I struggled with a lot when I first started implementing FDS principals. So, this is for all my newbies who are struggling too! I know for some of us it’s super easy to just block, delete, and forget. But it’s a lot harder when you’re first starting, are caught up in a bad long-term relationship, or you’re like me and just simply need closure.

Step 1: Closure comes from within

Theory:

First thing is to recognize that the other person will NEVER be able to give you the closure you need and deserve. Deep down I know this and you know this, but for some reason we want to believe that this time is different and if we just had one last talk all our issues would be resolved and that we would finally feel seen, heard and understood. However, if that was the case it would have been consistently present throughout the relationship and you wouldn’t have this burning desire for closure.

Practice:

· Think back at all the times in that relationship that the person could have given you some insight, support and empathy but didn’t. Either they are not capable of it OR, and more likely, they purposely withhold it.

· Think back at previous relationships where you tried to get that closure from the other person and what was the result. Did you get closure?

Most times no, and it often delays the separating and subsequent healing process.

· Think about times where past relationships ended and you didn’t find yourself chasing after closure. How are they different than your current circumstance?

When most healthy relationships come to an end, we get closure in a different way. This is generally because the relationship was healthy and there was consistent communication and thoughtfulness not only at the end of the relationship but throughout it. There will still be sadness and grief over the relationship ending, but you’ll notice that it’s a very different feeling from having a bad relationship end.

Step 2: Block

Theory:

Blocking the person will be the first step in you physically manifesting your decision to walk away from the relationship. It feels really good to hit that block button and it will also prevent you from reaching out to the person in step 3. For me and from other comments I’ve read it seems hard for people to make the step to delete the person, so at this step you don’t need to delete them … just yet.

Practice:

· Block the person on all platforms

· And if you can delete as well

Step 3: Write, write, and write

Theory:

Writing can be an extremely helpful way for us process our emotions and unhealed trauma. It is also a lot more accessible than therapy and even hashing it out with friends (as sometimes we don’t always have good friends to confide in). For reference: Writing to Heal: A Guided Journal for Recovering from Trauma and Emotional Upheaval – book by Pennebaker.

Practice:

· Take 15 minutes each day to write, for at least 3-4 days, uninterrupted

· Day 1: Write out that goodbye text that you wanted to send or that witty comeback you wanted to send (but you didn’t because you blocked them instead, right? lol)

· For some this is enough

· Day 2: Write out everything you want to say to the person if you had the closure talk

· Day 3-4: Keep writing whatever else you need to get it out of your system

· Note:

o You are NOT sending this to the person, this is for yourself only

o Make sure you are doing these on separate days as sleeping helps a lot with processing. I generally write at night right before bed.

Step 4: Delete

Theory:

If you haven’t already, block AND delete their number, previous conversations, photo, etc. Make sure you do this across all platforms. At this point it should be super easy. This will prevent you from reaching out to them in the further ever and will also erase the memory of them.

Practice:

· Block and delete off all platforms, past conversations, photos, etc

· If you’re not able to make this step yet, then it most likely means that you need to process more

· Regardless still NEVER reach out to the person

· Either repeat the process or reach out to a close friend, a therapist (if these are feasible options), or post on here to continue the healing process and find other women to support you

· If you need the conversations or photos for evidence (e.g proof of sexual harassment, proof of cheating, etc) then save them in a hard-to-reach place. I personally recommend a USB drive and a separate Drobox account.

TL:DR

Block – write, write, write – Delete

The more you do this the easier it will get. Eventually you will get to a point where you can block and delete at the first red flag or sign of disrespect/discomfort.