How to not internalize rejection during dating?

plembb · 2020-07-15T04:09:50+00:00

Your opinion of yourself is too low and your view of how men regard you is too high. You need to reverse these two things. Once you do, rejection will happen less, and when it does, you won’t really care because you know who you are - they don’t.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2020-07-15T03:30:45+00:00

You seam to have a high amount of self awareness and a balanced understanding of how his apparent rejection has caused self inflicted judgment. This is a good start to moving away from taking “rejection” personally. So well done! The next steps of how to not let it effect you, in my opinion and experience, is to lose the terminology “rejection” it’s not accurate. Imagine how you feel about someone who you not interested in but you have no negative view of them? Would you want that person (romantic OR friendship even) to feel like they are a “reject” ? No. We all have preferences and values and likes and dislikes that mean that ppl who don’t match us are just not a match and there’s nothing much more to it. But let’s say for instance this guy actually personally thought someone was so shit they wanted to reject them and didn’t give a shit how it made them feel? Well in that instance you wouldn’t have lost out on anything. So no matter which way you flip it- it’s not personal, and does no good to interpret it that way. On a deeeeeper level tho, pay attention to the specific thoughts and feelings and insecurities that have been triggered by this. These are most likely your ‘emotional baggage’ if it’s not a guy “rejecting” u it could be something else that sets of these internalized insecurities. Seperate the feelings from the guy- unpack your feelings slowly with love and without judgement, and let any situation that brings these things to the forefront be an opportunity to self reflect - self love - and self heal. Take yourself on a date - treat yourself- make yourself an amazing meal or desert - do a facial and bath pamper / stuff like that will really help you love yourself and not be hard on yourself. All the best darling! Xox

dzgata · 2020-07-15T04:21:47+00:00

Some people like premium steak, others would rather eat Five guys. Doesn’t make the premium steak any less delicious and better in quality.

Some people like the color blue, doesn’t mean pink is a lesser color.

You won’t be everyone’s type. And that’s a good thing! How dull would the world be if everyone had the same type. Don’t internalize rejection or disinterest. You’re not their cup of tea just like how some people aren’t your cup of tea.

hhgjj0 · 2020-07-15T08:29:58+00:00

You have to think about it as trash taking itself out.

I've cried over guys in the past, but when I look back at it now, I'm like "thank God he broke up with me, he was awful" or "thank God he didn't want to date, he was so stupid, what was I thinking". I'm sure you'll feel the same one day.

Throwawaylikehay · 2020-07-15T07:04:03+00:00

“What is meant for you will reach you even if it is beneath two mountains. And what isn’t meant for you won’t reach you even if is between your two lips.” -Arabic Proverb

When rejected, I think of the many ways I am Boss, I am Bomb, and I sure as hell am Beautiful.

Perhaps a rejection is a sign that we avoided a train wreck or an emotionally unfulfilling disaster.

I do my damndest to focus back on my hobbies and increase my skills, to forget the fleeting attention and forgotten coulda-woulda-shoulda beens.

2020-07-15T04:06:40+00:00

Knowing that there are finer and more well-to-do men out there I could've been rejected by or even could be dating now so why should I worry about this one... Lol there isn't a singular romantic prospect worth internalizing the "rejected" label, trust me

Nat_at_all · 2020-07-15T04:13:09+00:00

Just wanted to say I definitely have felt this way before, you're not alone!! I think it's gotten better, but I remember how torn up I would be when a guy be nice to me up until the point of sex and then ghost. And then my texts would go completely unanswered and he would act like a douche when he did answer (ex: "you talk too much" um okay? you were talkative until you got in my pants as well). Fuck him for being a jerk, and I'm sad that I let it hurt my feelings. Hopefully I can remember that the next time someone is rude to me, so I won't let myself get as low.

Also I would journal these stuff out (and talking through them with a counselor usually is really helpful!). I did that and I realized the patterns of thought that I was having and that essentially my problem was that I was assigning way too much value to what these men thought of me and how they treated me.

eng2fly · 2020-07-15T14:46:38+00:00

Ugh girl. I feel this. I struggled with it too while dating. Ultimately I decided the kind of man I wanted would make it clear he was into me from day 1. I used this decision point to rationalize that any man who rejected me, who flaked out wasn’t the kind of man that I wanted and wouldn’t have made a good husband or father.

I also struggled with rejecting men who displayed bad behavior. I told myself that every time I rejected a man who was showing bad behavior I was choosing myself.

Ultimately I told myself there’d be a lot of rejection and a lot of suck. Have realistic expectations of dating it helped me.

ayhtdws1989 · 2020-07-15T13:19:06+00:00

Hey love, it's realising that all your relationships bare gonna fail except for one. So don't think much abt maybe one guy not working out. Also I look at celebrities who are happy in relationships and see their dating graph. Many of them eg Katy,Taylor, Ariana were treated badly in the past . Have been heartbroken so it happens to everyone . But now these ladies have the love of their lives with them . A happy ending. Also when u lose a friend ,u never take that personally right . It's just like we weren't compatible . We had different interests blah blah and you move on to someone who actually likes you for you. Even better if they are as weird as you . So I suggest you look at it the same way . Look at the relationships and be like maybe I wasn't compatible with him and so that's okay doesn't mean I'm any less pretty or amazing . Just wasn't meant to be and manifest your ideal man

sadcello · 2020-07-15T18:02:18+00:00

Imagine a future where you end up as his mommy bang maid. You have to cook for him, clean up after him, wash his poopy underwear, become his porn actress, birth his children, change diapers and clean up pukes only to have him cheat on you because he thinks your after pregnancy body is ugly.

It works for me because it makes me realize again men ain't worth shit and their opinions on me doesn't matter because if male rejection means I don't have to be his mommy bang maid, it's not a sad thing but a damn relief and happy thing.

Ms_Snicket · 2020-07-16T03:10:29+00:00

I unfortunately have to because I'm kind of autistic and am required to view/alter myself and my behavior based on other people's reactions (I don't let men know this for obvious reasons). I can't really trust myself beyond my feelings and making sure I'm not consenting to more than I'm okay with.

I have to internalize rejection and look at it as "what should I be doing/not doing?". If I didn't have to do it, I would just try to forget that the experience ever happened.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2020-07-16T10:49:00+00:00

It’s certainly a challenge but the results will be well worth it my sweet! Trust me :)

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