I’ve held the most basic of standards, that I think are fair trade for my greater sexual investment (we all know the factors- the lower orgasm rate, the chance of pregnancy, the higher STD risk both with infection and being symptomatic (and the higher risk of those infections causing infertility), the higher assault risk, the emotional labor heavy lifting, the higher sex-related costs (birth control, gyno visits, etc.), the oxytocin bonding, etc etc etc). Things like reach out, make a plan, show interest in me as a person, do not fixate on sex, show what you have to offer besides sex (low value), be consistent, be empathetic to our greater sexual investment, prove you want more than sex, do not text other app girls while on the date, etc. I have passed on hundreds of men who have failed these basic, basic requirements. I want to treat a man like a king, but he must first recognize the sexual risks I take and be prepared to offer an equal investment (ideally an emotional one). So far, most men refuse to acknowledge it, and would rather walk away and be “right” than challenge their views and potentially have great sex for life (and they claim they “need” it. No, what they “need” is to feel powerful, and sex happens to be a preferred avenue).

I find this attitude to be very prevalent in men, online and off, because it’s harder for them to get dates. What they refuse to acknowledge is that it’s because we’re screening harder because of all the risks. They don’t screen as hard, because the same risk level in early dating is just not there (they will however drag their feet on commitments, which is where their risk lies). It seems many are content to be single for life, before examining what we’re begging them to. The luckiest ones get pick-me’s. I don’t see any of this ending. That says to me that most of us here? Most of us are going to be single for life, if we hold our standards. Especially if you’re over 35.

In the face of your partnered circle, and the privileges they enjoy, if it shakes out to lifetime singlehood, how do you think you’ll cope? Both logistically (good partners make life easier) and in terms of feeling like an outsider? Will you just chase money? Adopt animals? Avoid partnered gatherings? I’m curious. Thanks.